Hi all

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Well I have no desire to go through my old posts, but I think I might have been sort of angry posting in this forum recently. I've posted why this happens in the random discussion, but I know alot of you never venture there. This is the link to the thread


This is a copy of the post:


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If I make a post attacking you for something that never happened please know that its not intentional. I have no control over it or what I am saying. I have seizures that cause me to lash out and attack people. (these verbal attacks are a major improvement from the ones I had as a child where I went around chasing people with a garden weasal while threatening to kill them). The best thing to do is nothing if you are my target (if you aren't my target feel free to immediately send me a message letting me know I seem to be angry for no reason.Just realize that criticizing me for my behavior at the same time will likely cause me to give you a very detailed list of why the person in question deserves everything I am saying) It is important that I am made aware of these remarks because I cannot tell that I am having such a seizure while it is happening, and I may have no memory of engaging in the conversation once the seizure has passed. So I need your help to know if I need to contact my doctor because my medicine isn't working as it should be.

If you are my target replying to deny what I'm saying before the seizure is over will only cause me to become angrier because you are denying that which is unable to be denied, which will cause me to have another seizure, which will cause me to be angrier and have even more reason to continue. The more seizures I have from this anger, the more likely the hallucination will occur with future seizures. I may even say I'm not acting the least bit upset towards you and honestly and truly believe that. If its something you feel you need an apologize for, wait at least two days then send me the link to the conversation. While the seizure is going on, your denying that you have done that which you have not done will be the same to me as if you were holding up a red crayon and calling me an idiot because I said it wasn't blue. As for why you were my "target," it is generally because you were the person I was thinking about at the onset of the seizures, or the poster I was reading when the seizure began



I feel it important to warn you of this is I was just banned from another website for seizure-related behavior. I was convinced I had valid reason for my anger - even quoted and re-read the very offensive message I was referring to several times. I thought the re-reading it many times throughout the day meant I couldn't possibly be misinterpreting what was said as I read the same message every time. But when I looked over it the next day the message was not only Not demeaning people like me, it was supporting what I had said on the issue.

I think part of the main problem with this recent situation is that I was watching sliders, and at the same time I was posting some of those messages too. I was covering the screen during most of the flashing and I wasn't noticing any shaking after watching the flashing that I didn't cover so I thought I wasn't affected by it. But now I think I'm wrong about that.

I'm also going to try and stay off the computer all day if I can tell I had a seizure during the night as the incident Im referring to happened the day I woke up in a position and with mouth wounds that indicated I had a bad seizure that night

Hmm. Interesting. I don't think all 21,000 of us are going to read this message in time to react appropriately, but I will try to give you space.

WOW! What happens? Does the seizure trigger your imagination of an attack against you? When you wake up, you should try to reconcile things.

I have, myself, awakened with odd memories, worries about events that happened, etc... and even have a history behind them! And THEN I realize the idea doesn't sync up with my past, that my job is different, a person doesn't exist, or whatever, and things just kind of disappear, so I guess I could understand your problem. I should clarify that that, with me, generally happens within the few minutes after waking up after a dream.

Well, I hadn't noticed any angry posts. In fact, I have always found your posts very insightful and helpful. Probably haven't read them all. Hope things improve for you with the seizures, and thanks for the forewarning.

BTW Triangular trees. Some have attacked ME for things I haven't done, etc... I don't think YOU have though. To hear SOME here talk you would think I was a lazy, racist, hatemonger that hates everyone here, etc... That is FAR from true. OK, I hate a few people here, but I probably like more than that, and others I have no real feelings towards, so I might not say either.

Anyway, my point is simply that if YOU have problems, you aren't alone.

I wish you luck with your problems though.

My seizures cause hallucinations and intense anger. Some are easy to tell are hallucinations, others are impossible. If I'm angry at you for setting off a nuclear bomb in my house I'll know later that you didn't. If I'm angry at you for calling me up and telling me how stupid you think I am, then it will take quite a while to get to the truth. Or if you are complaining about all the noise I'm making when i'm doing nothing but sitting quietly and reading a book - I'm beginning to wonder if there is a little more to the fact that I was frequently in trouble for yelling when I hadn't made any noise at all as a child.

Also my hallucinations tend to repeat themselves in subsequent seizures - which is why its very important you don't respond if you are my target. Because the angrier you make me while i'm having the seizure or am post-ictal the more likely I am to have that same hallucination in the future.

My seizures due tend to erase the memories of what happened around the time they occured, as well as distorting things. The ones that aren't so severe do not appear to impair my level of concious to an observer so my behavior is believed to be intentional. But I'm not intentionally walking into the bathroom, taking one q-tip, brining it to the living room and dropping it onto the couch, even if I tell you thats a proven method for cleaning without using a vacuum at the time

I was speaking with someone yesterday who once angrily confronted her husband about his leaving her best friend Sheila at a rest stop - neither she nor her husband no anyone named Sheila. I'm not sure how long it took her to figure that one out though