My son

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five years old. Accepted to the full day kindergarten at the private christian school. We couldn't do part day because there are no daycare options. I work two days a week and since it's private, you need to have transportation. Oh well. He has been accepted but he is on probation like most of the kids - 90 days.

I was told that during summer camp, he has a difficult time when "hyper" or active kids are in his space. I have seen this many times with kids I work with but when it's your son, it's more difficult emotionally. I guess my son sometimes screams at kids who are in his space, especially if they are hyper or won't listen to him. He screams in a high pitched voice. Now that I think about it, he has done that with me but only when he feels I am not listening to him. It makes me sad. They have already accommodated him. They basically put him with more calm kids with good attention spans. My son's attention span is really good, almost too good in that transitioning him to the next task is the most challenging.

So - as a parent, what can I do apart from accommodating. I am trying to teach him but it's so hard without being in the situation. I can teach the school how to do social stories but I am not good at it yet myself. He is going through OT to see if he needs a weighted vest, brushing or whatever may help him. I am leaning towards the weighted vest (I want one too as an ADHDer)! ! How relaxing.

How do you get him to use an indoor voice. Even when you try to tell him, he talks over you as though you are not there yet he needs to get his point across to you. How do I teach him this?? Is there a way to teach him this BEFORE he starts school. I doubt it.

He is of very high nonverbal/spatial reasoning intelligence. I don't know his verbal intelligence level because they didn't test that. I am sure it is high but not in the social comprehension questions.

Advice on screaming and talking loud?

Given that the reactions are when there is activity in his space, he may feel that attention is not being paid to him there as well. You may want to consider working with him on something that will help him transition between activities. Putting others around him to help can be a short term solution but is not viable long term IRL. Direct communication will help, expressly saying what is expected.

Please be patient; responses take time to process. Your second post was almost aggravating in the tone of demand it struck... my apologies, but needed to be said as well. Also, there have been some questions you have asked in the past; has any of the advice worked? Seemed like they disappeared and never heard back on what results were... and without additional relevant information, it is difficult to know what may work and what may be less likely.


M.

If hes talking loud and you try to interrupt him saying 'shhh, talk quietly', then its not surprising he will talk louder. He is trying to tell you something which he considers important. To combat this, try starting the conversation, rather then reacting to him. When he is calm, and listening to you, (I.E. tomorrow morning at breakfast) tell him that he needs to be careful about his voice volume. It might help to work out some signal. For example, if you hold your finger up, that means he is talking too loudly, and he needs to speak softer. This will allow him to notice the 'talk quieter' sign, and then lower his tone without interrupting his speech. Its worth a try at least.

Also, be patient for a response. Unlike most message boards, people here usually dont respond to a post unless they feel they have something constructive to add. Silence is better then bad advice, or useless generic phrases.

hearing ones own voice is difficult as when we speak, we cannot hear ourselves as others hear us. or to put another way, my voice sounds different to me as it does to others. but as i am 36 i have learned to modulate my voice that is appropriate for the environment i am in.
i learned that i was a loud talker when my mother secretly recorded a conversation she was having with me...she was barely audible and i was shouting, but she had always told me this, but until i heard it for myself i was unsure what she meant as I HAD NEVER HEARD MYSELF SPEAK BEFORE, in the third person.

Also my Son has AS, and he will often reflect the moods and rtension in his environment, he will often become stressed around his non-AS mother as she is very uptight and frustrated all the time. and this is reflected in his behaviour. i am making this observation in response to your second post. your sons problems may not be ALL AS related. he could be reflecting your (palpable) anxiety...please an observation to help and not a critiscism.

[/quote]Advice on screaming and talking loud?[quote]

This seems like something that might be best addressed by a speech therapist.

Does he speak very loudly even when the room is silent?

He may just not realise how easy it is for most other people to pick his voice out of the babble.

A bit like someone speaking while wearing headphones.

thanks, yes he speaks loudly even when it's just us. It is usually when I am busy and he gets the pressured speech and starts to stutter or gets excited.

My main concern is school. the teacher can't give him one on one all the time or listen to him at all times.

have someone work with him on skills that he'll need to deal better with others. this is not a one-time thing. repetition is the key. failure will occur. hard to say exactly what to do, as it's different for every kid.

My son's issues at school were always dealt with from 2 angles: working with him AND working with the other children. You can't neglect the second half, because NT children can easily and usually unknowingly "bait" an AS child (asking what is wrong when he starts melting down, would be a common example).

You asked a lot of questions that I don't think there are easy answers to.

As for volume control, I like the idea of hand signals. We used these for a while to help my son with his never ending explanations, and they allowed him to get the message without having to be interrupted. The same signal can be used by both you and the teacher, and it can be taught to the other children, which I recommend, even though they may be a bit too young.

I have never heard of a weighted vest. But, then, my son's AS is really mild, so there is probably tons I've never been exposed to.

45 hits and no comments?

Sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut so no one knows you are a fool,
rather than opening it, and making it plain for all to see.

The issues that arise on these boards are important, and generally
the people posting them are very serious and very stressed.

The replies ought to be thoughtful and to the point, with the mind set
of helping the person in distress.

For many topics, I haven't a clue on how to help.
I have no suggestions or creative ideas.

It is better to remain silent than to possibly misguide someone.

....

Now
having said all that.
It strikes me that I haven't done a single thing to help you out.
My Appologies for not helping.

Evil.

A weighted vest works very well, as does a weighted blanket. My son copes very well when wearing one, especially if they are sensation seekers and enjoy deep pressure sensations within the joints.

We call ours a 'jet jacket' and it really pulls him together nicely.

Just a comment about things like weighted vests and other types of things that don't look the norm, and this is only my opinion and what I would experience with my own situation with my daughter.

It is important for the kids to blend well in a school setting. They already have a seemingly invisible obstacle. Making that more visible doesn't always help, and can further stigmatize.

My daughter has issues with noise, so for instance if we go to the mall, wearing ear plugs might be much more noticeable then a set of headphones either plugged into an ipod or just with the other end stuffed in her pocket as though they were plugged into something. It serves the purpose and isn't something that sets her apart. She is painfully aware that doing things differently sets her apart, and will purposely not use some coping strategies if that's what it will mean for her. She needs to type most of her work as she has Dysgrpahia, and has been using an Alphasmart, but she would blend better with a laptop for high school. We're trying to get her a laptop as it would be much more functional, and the alphasmart draws too much attention. She will write instead sometimes to the point of meltdown. The meltdown would also stigmatize of course. Unfortunately she has too a great deal of trouble recognizing when she starts to become frustrated or angry, it's more of a cold to hot experience for her. Charting and graphing have been suggested, but there is no understanding that comes from it. This is an ongoing issue. Once she is more able to find ways to identify thise things in herself, we can work on them further.

There's always so much more to think about than the obvious.

Also I agree with others here that patience is needed when asking for ideas, help, etc. I see plenty of threads with an answer in the form of , can't help ya sorry. I don't think anyone wishes to offend. For others it takes a lot of time to process and respond in a "socially acceptable way" to NT's Other's don't care

Wow! Great suggestions.

I just spoke with the OT and she said the same thing. She told me that really tight lycra seems to help with most kids and is not as cumbersome as the weighted vests; much cheaper. She did say that a weighted lap belt might help during the academic seat work. He really has problems there because he hyperfocuses and is really intense about his work. When someone distracts him or is hyperactive; gets in his space - he will scream or say, "You are talking too loud".

I am thinking of getting earphones with white noise but not yet. Those may bother him more.

Bunni, how old is your daughter. I don't know if my son would notice those things yet, but I do know other kids may say something. Kids can be cruel even at that age.

Dylan's mom: I am still thinking of getting a weighted vest or one of those tight vest like things (forgot the name). I like the weighted one. I am thinking of getting one for myself actually. I have major sensory issues involving touch and am adhd. I LOVE hard pressure so whatever helps my son will also help me. That makes things a little easier. I like the "Jet Jacket" idea.

Evil Teach: OK, you helped in your own way to not be so hasty!! Thanks

DW: Great one!! I like the idea of hand gestures. By trying to talk over him, it just gets him louder and more angry. I will talk with him and we will come up with some gestures together. He likes to work on these things together and it gives him a feeling of being more in control. Then if a teacher uses it, he may think "I made that up and I know what it means". He will probably get the other kids to use it as well!! ! LOL

Larissa, he will be working with a speech therapist very soon and doing social skills therapy. I think they will be working on those two things. If not, I will ask them to.

Ster: Yes, repetition. I need to work on doing the same thing at all times (if it works and he was involved). I do lack a little consistency. So hard at times. Also, he does much better when someone else works with him more in depth on these things than me. I still work with him.

Tracker: Yes. I am used to most forums where there is usually a responses after a few glances. I am also very impulsive and will just talk without thinking. I have found most people here are the opposite, which is a good thing. If you haven't noticed by now, my husband and I are COMPLETE opposites (poor guy in the "me talking" department). You had very good advice. It will be hard to follow at times and I feel it is a big learning curve. Again, you mentioned the hand signals. Love it!! I will work with him tonight on coming up with some.

Big K: Very good observations!! I have never thought about your last two sentences.

Donkey: Recording a conversation is something I have never thought of. I think it may be too early for that because it may make him more anxious. What do you think? He is only five. I do like the idea for when he gets a little older. I HATE the way I sound when I listen to myself. I sign as well and when I watch myself in a video tape, I am jerky and feel like a freak. I feel bad for my friends who are deaf and have to watch me sign. I am probably, in a way, yelling half the the time.

Makuran: I had another child a year ago. Before that, I was on bed rest for SIX months. Long time. You are right. A lot of attention is toward his younger brother. Nate is very easy. He can work on something for hours. My younger child is more high maintenance. If he is not getting attention at all times, he will flip out. He is extremely social and wants eye to eye contact almost always.

Environmentally speaking: I am a very tense and anxious person. The house is in the process of getting really organized but it's not. I know, I know - I have heard it from a lot of people in my life. He is most likely picking up on my anxiety. I am currently getting personal help for that. I have a feeling that he developed his stutter partly because of me. Sad, but true. If I learn to control my anxiety and provide more structure for him, perhaps that will help. I do play with him a lot and let loose...he loves it. I do that everyday yet am uptight some other times during that day because 'I need to clean the house...etc.etc." So, no consistency in my responses.

Good observations everyone. Wow. A lot to ponder. I tried to answer you all back/

Wow... albeit later, the eye contact and demand for full attention sounds like a chapter from the past (and still shows up, I find... *shakes head* Never gone, only redirected.)... thanks for the response, hope things continue to evolve well for you.


M.