the morning rush (getting them ready for school)-- help

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This question is directed mainly at parents (especially AS parents who are having trouble, but anyone please answer!) who need to get a child or children ready for school in the morning.

I can't count the number of times I melted down over this last year. I have three kids to get ready for school. Two can dress themselves but one takes forever (15 minutes to put on a shirt!!) and no one can tie their own shoes (I've tried teaching them). They need to have breakfast (there's a breakfast at school but they don't like the food).

I tried many ways to make the morning less nightmarish but it always exploded into a mess. I melted down at least once a week (closer to three times a week).

Basically from the blare of the alarm clock to steeping foot out the door and then returning home I felt like I was being crushed to death inside. No matter how many times or ways I tried organizing things it was a mess. It's like I have to find a way to do 1,000,000 things in the space of 45 minutes. Like:

+recover from the blare of the alarm clock (maybe I can find an alarm with a less shocking noise...)
+make the transition from "being asleep" to "being awake" in less than five minutes (usually it takes me an hour )
+kids not wanting to get out of bed
+kids complaining about not wanting to go to school
+kids complaining about being sick
+making sure that they are dressed properly and look presentable (a lot of mornings I couldn't even bear to put on my glasses, how can I even tell what they look like)
+do their hair
+make sure they've eaten something
+get their shoes on and tie them
+make sure they have everything they need for the day (money, snack, etc.)
+get on weather appropriate outerwear

How do I do all this?! How do I get a 65 pound child out of bed and dressed when she's as floppy as a ragdoll and won't wake up? It's like I wake up in overload (from the alarm and having to jump out of bed) and get more overloaded with every passing second. And then spend the whole day feeling guilty about the wretched "send off" I gave my kids and think they must hate having such a crazy mom.

It's like the morning is one huge mega-transition, and not dealing well with transition, I'm doomed.

Well, I'm not a parent, but I would suggest a couple simple things here:

A. Since the blaring alarm wakes you up already stressed, get one of those alarm clocks that has a beeping that starts off really soft and gets a little louder at a time. That way you wake up at the absolute minimum sound that can wake you up, so you don't wake up to a blaring alarm. I have an alarm clock like this, and it makes waking up a much more enjoyable experience.

B. Wake up earlier! If there's that much chaos in the morning, try waking up an hour earlier if you can. Than you can make your kids breakfast before they wake up, and let them take their time getting around. Even though you may not want to wake up earlier initially, I've found that in the long run this can make for a much more relaxing morning.


Hope that helped some. =)

First of all have to admit that this is one of the major reasons why I really hope that my son continues to want to home-unschool until he is at least able to get himself up, washed, dressed, fed, and out, with everything he needs, entirely on his own.

Second; have however small experience of getting son ready for regular activity at fixed time; karate classes, and in the past fencing and music, but it is true it was never in the morning and we had lots of time to do it in. Even so I have to repeat instructions for steps of preparation a few times, and help pull on tight socks, help with washing in corners, etc.

Wondering whether all of you going to bed earlier would make a difference. It certainly does to me when it comes to significant morning activity/obligations. If I go to bed before 10.30 every night I am massively more able to cope with morning pressures. If I go to bed after 10.30 most nights I have real trouble getting up before 8.30/9 am, let alone doing anything more than drinking a glass of juice while staring into space for half an hour or so.

Best of luck. Earlier to bed is the only thing that I know of which helps me deal with mornings.

PS: Especially as I too hate and loathe and dread alarm clocks and prefer to "tell myself" when to wake up, and I do ... ... so long as I go to bed early enough.

I've just remembered that you said elsewhere that you sleep badly. Obviously that is not going to help. Have you tried cutting out coffee, if you drink it, or investigating possible food-intolerances that can disturb sleep; my worst one is gluten. It really makes my sleep restless and broken, as do a few other things and I avoid them as a result because life is so much worse when tired.

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Last edited by ouinon on 04 Aug 2008, 10:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

You don't mention the ages of your children.

I currently only have one ornery aspie to get up for school, now that my son is age 22.

We are starting high school this year and will have to get up much earlier, school starts at 7:30am, her bus will show up much earlier. Mornings are usually not our favorite time of day and we all know this about each other.

Routine is everything! Very consistent routine.

A bedtime needs to be set, and an evening routine prior to that..

Ours is:
dinner
feed kitties
lay out clothes for tomorrow
shower, brush teeth
if time, you can play on the computer before bed
set your alarm
bed (currently 9pm)

Morning:

get dressed
eat breakfast
feed kitties
brush teeth
wait for the bus

If any of your kids can read and write, and even if not, prior to school beginning sit down with them and hold a little meeting about getting ready for school. Together make the schedule, and get as much preperation done for night before as possible. Tell them they each have to help. Use examples of other times they help you in getting things done faster. If they don't do this now, this a good time to start!

If time is an issue, it may necessitate getting up even earlier than you normally do. Let them know the more they help the later they can sleep in the morning, but if you have to do it all for them they will have to get up earlier and go to bed earlier. this might help motivate them. The ages of your kids are important in determining how much of this they can do, but having routines for us began when my kids were in headstart which was pre-K. hope this helps

Yes, I think if children go to bed early enough there is no reason why they can't wake up at dawn. In fact that's what they do if getting enough sleep. I definitely notice the difference with my son ( 9 years old) when he stays up later than usual reading.

I had to go to bed by 8/8.30 pm until I was around 13/14 and before 9 pm until I was 15/16. 10 pm was late for me, even at Sixth Form College. My son, without school to go to, is allowed to stay up until 9.30 pm, with a little ( half hour max ) leeway if "in" a book. But if I wanted him to get up by 7.30 I would have to make him go at least an hour earlier, around 8.30 pm.

I read somewhere that a good idea before the start of each new school year is to see how late your child naturally sleeps when going to bed at x, y, and z times, until you arive at a time which enables them to wake up without difficulty early enough to do everything that needs doing before leaving. Even if this means their going to bed every day at 8 pm. And if this leaves no time for homework or play then explain to the school that your child needs the sleep.

I also read recently somewhere that some study has shown that children are not getting enough sleep, exactly as if school were sweatshop labour obliging children to work unnaturally long hours.
And some school somewhere had found that moving back the start of the school day to allow children another half an hour's sleep had had astonishing effects on their learning capacity and "productivity".

The problem with that sort of initiative of course is that because school is really just a glorified brain-washing and baby-sitting unit for people under 18 so that their parents can earn enough money to sustain the fashionable minimum standard of living and to bring up the next generation of strung out consumers this would actually be counter productive. What is wanted are zombies in the classroom, and parents all out at work to earn money to spend on things.

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ouinon I have read that too about sleep deprivation in school-aged kids.

I used to homeschool all of them but it was too much for me. I still homeschool my HFA son.

They already do go to bed early (really early-- 2 go to bed at 7pm and the other one goes to bed at 9, though she often can't fall asleep).

I tried waking up early but what I found was that it made me melt down for 90 minutes instead of 45 minutes .

The girls are 5, 7, and 9. The main problem is my 9 year old. Even when she goes to bed early she is almost impossible to wake up.

Ouch. that really doesn't sound like a good idea then. Why doesn't it help to have more time? ( asking nicely, not combatitively).


What does she eat? She might be suffering from the effects of a food intolerance that revs her up by the end of/over the course of the day ( making falling asleep difficult) but leaves her feeling "hungover"/whacked/"in withdrawal" the next morning. A clue might be what food it is that wakes her up/acts as "hair of the dog" in the morning.

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I HATE mornings!

I'm hearing impaired so I have a vibrating alarm clock I put in my pillow. It starts slow and gets stronger if I ignore it. It's travel size, not one of those under the bed things they sell, and it's actually kind of a gentle way to wake up. MUCH nicer than the blasts I used to hear when I could still use a traditional alarm clock. You may want to consider getting one.

It sounds like your 9 year old has trouble sleeping? My son does, as well. It really goes to quality of sleep rather than volume. He has found that he can get himself to sleep faster and better if he reads in bed first. Perhaps you and your daughter can discuss changes to her routine and see if there is one she would like to try.

I would have suggested getting yourself up earlier (and to bed earlier) but it sounds like that didn't work for you. For me, I've found that the more awake and ready I am (showered, lunches made, etc) before I get the kids up, the more patient I am and able to handle things properly. For you, wish I had something more creative to offer ...

Part of the symptoms of ADHD which my daughter also has along with AS is that she does not sleep. She has to take medication to sleep, so we need to take the meds about 2 hours prior to bedtime, as she can fight it off. It helps her stay asleep, and if we get her to bed too late, the meds make her groggy in the mornings. Without it trying to sleep frustrates her and she will do something to delibrately get herself in trouble so she can cry herself to sleep. The meds are a much easier solution, and unfortunately we have not found any type of relaxation technique that works more or as effectively.

We have this limited window of time between her arrival home and the evening routine, and of course most kids don't have to deal with this. But we do, and it is they way it is. Sometimes we simply don't have enough time to complete all homework. She has a need for time to herself as well to decompress from the social demands of the day. At one point I had to list what we did hour by hour so the school could plainly see our time needs. It sent a pretty good message and they limited the homework. Now that she will be attending high school, the work load will increase. Unfortunately our time hasn't. It also causes issues with things like school dances, club involvement, or other evening activities. Getting involved with academic clubs also provides opportunities for socilization around a special interest, so we have some negotiating to do this year.

My first guess like someone else said, is your daughter getting enough sleep or does she wake through the night? Are there sounds at night that bother her..ear plugs might help, or music playing as she falls asleep of her choosing. Whatever you can think of that is calming and relaxing. As a last resort you might talk to your Dr. about sleep issues as well. I wish we had another alternative to the meds, and maybe someday she will grow out of this particular thing, but for now, it's all that works for us.

try to get as much ready the night before as you can possibly do.....my kids shower in the pms, not the ams....lunches are made the night before, and when possible, breakfast is made the night before as well. i'm not a morning person, so the less i have to do, the better !

I agree with what the others said about alarms, one that starts out quietly and then gets gradually louder works well.

Added to that, one that is a repeated musical part rather than one that goes eep eep eep. I found that, for me, it worked to bring me more gently awake. When I was younger I meditated before bed and mostly woke up calmer.

A thing that helped my Mum, when she got stressed with me, was to imagine that a person who was renowned for being calm being there (Daniel O'Donnel, Nelson Mandela). She'd go from looking like she was going to have a heart attack to laughing hysterically. I don't know if any of this will help, hope it will.

Having as much as possible prepared the previous night helps a lot usually (to my recollection).

You might have the kids sleep in their next day clothes so they wake up already dressed. How about playing gentle classical music in their bedrooms to wake them (I'm sure that would be better than the song I sang to my kids: Get up, get out, you lazy lout, get into your working clothes. Up to your knees in oil and grease with a grindstone to your nose.) Have it in the IEP that no homework can be required of your child. um, brainstorming here. It was the homework required that made me tell my AS son (I was homeschooling with some outside classes) let's drop out. He went into shock. Then he started college at the age of fifteen. He liked that much better.
The other people's suggestions sounded good to me. You do need to check into medication and foods. When I accidentally eat wheat I have to take two naps a day plus sleep 12 hrs and when I am awake I am all fuzzy minded.

Don't send yourself to the nut house!

Can anyone else help you with some of this stuff? e.g. to get most of it done the night before so that you can get to bed early.

Maybe I missed the answer but why is having 90 mins a problem? Because you/the kids are more tired?

The way I see it you have to have enough time to do all the things that you need to do. Otherwise it will always be a nightmare.
The less time you have more likely it is that one little problem will throw out the schedule. That's even more stress.

If you are stressed that could stress the kids too increasing the chances of a screw up (more delays) and of a bad day.

I can't deny that I just LOVE the holidays

Well you are not alone in this one.
I have a 7yr old son who is Aspie and ADHD and a 5yr old NT son. Every morning is a battle in our house. I get up and prepare the lunchboxes, breakfast table and put their clothes out for them. Then wake up husband and he gets the kids up. Each day is different, some days my Aspie is wonderful, eats breakfast, gets dressed himself without a problem, others are well just not that easy. I end up dressing him myself to save time, the 10 minutes I spend arguing I may as well just dress him and get on with the rest. My NT son can be just as much of a challenge too.
My Aspie does not sleep very well as he is on Ritalin and if I get him to sleep before 10.30 we are doing very well, some nights he will stay up until 11pm. It is not worth fighting with him as it gets us nowhere except fustrated.
We end up using bribery and corruption to get the whole morning thing going smoothly. They both live for Fridays and the weekend when they can play Playstation and the WII. Whomever gets dressed first or the fastest gets to play first etc etc.
It is not easy and most mornings I am ready to pull my hair out and boy do they NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF 'HURRY UP, WE ARE LATE" - "GET IN THE CAR" I end up having the meltdown and scream like a banshee out of fustration.
I just take a deep breath and try to remain calm.
Sorry no real tips from me on this one, just so that you know - you are not alone

Seconding this fabulous advice.

I don't always get ready the night before and it is a nightmare the next day. If I know I'm not going to have time in the evenings then I find a spare moment during the day to get a little bit organised.

Try to put clothing out for the children. I've got frozen lunches in the freezer for each family member - usually up to 1 weeks worth, so I can just quickly throw something in their bag. If I have time the night before I prepare a fresh lunch. Things have gotten much easier for us now that the pre-school will cut of fruit and veg for the children. Means I can throw a carrot, apple or whatever from the fruit bowl in and know that it will be peeled and cut up for them.

After I clean up the table from dinner I always set it for breakfast. The dinner dishes may not get washed but at least breakfast is ready.

I usually fall asleep shortly after my children (around 8pm) so I don't spend much time getting ready but the little I do really helps. One day my iron levels may get back to normal and I will be able to stay up later.

I'm another one that takes ages to get going in the morning, we are usually out of bed by 6am, if not earlier and I still struggle to get the children out the door by 8.30am. I'm in such a rut of get coffee and drink it whilst checking emails and this ALWAYS sucks away my morning time. Every day I say tomorrow I will not turn the computer on but then morning comes around and by the time the caffine has kicked in and my brain is working I'm sitting infront of the computer enthralled in some messageboard or email or blog.

Hello,

I hate the morning rush with my 3 sons (2 Aspies) but have found a couple of things to make it easier.

I give them a reward - I tell them when you're dressed, had your breakfast and your teeth are brushed you can play your nintendo.

Re your 65 pound child - can you send them to bed in the clothes they will wear the next day? My boys have slept in their school uniforms in the past when they were really slow to get ready. One last thing to worry about in the morning.

Is there any law that says you have to wear pyjamas to bed??

Helen