How much independence for a 14 year old?

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poohter
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20 Aug 2008, 3:33 am

I am a 15 year old aspie, not very far from OP's son's age. I bike around with my best friend and we smoke tons of weed. but i keep out of trouble. he used to offer me tobacco, but after turning him down multiple times, he's cooled down. an aspie's judgment, after a certain age, becomes the right one. it is easy for an aspie to make logical decisions based on hard fact, usually not swayed by emotional weight. give the kid some freedom. he'll do just fine.



Stereokid
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21 Aug 2008, 3:25 pm

schleppenheimer wrote:
I don't blame you for wondering whether you should let your son go out by himself.

I had to make that decision just today -- here I am, trying to get my 12 year old out in the fresh air and away from the video games, and when he asks if he can ride his bike around the neighborhood, I hesitate. Will he pay attention to traffic? Will he go talk to a neighbor for too long? Will he go visit with his one friend in the neighborhood, stay at his house, and leave me wondering where he is? Does he understand "stranger danger" enough? All things that most parents are kind of over by this age, but because our children are sometimes a little more innocent or pay a little less attention, it's natural that we are going to worry.

So, he went out for his bike ride -- and he was fine. I guess we have to let go sometime!

Kris


I don't mean to be overly blunt or offensive, but Make up your mind! Do you want him to spend more time outside away from the video games, or do you want to shelter him inside of your home? If you make him go outside, find something for him to do. If you make him go outside away from the video games, yet not let him do anything fun outside, then he will be bored out of his wits!

I'm not making this reply post to get attention or whine like a baby. The reason for this post is because when I grew up, I got so many conflicting messages from all kinds of people around me. For example, when I was around five years old, my parents tried to get me to play a few games on an old nintendo system to keep my eyes off of fans for a while. At age 13, I got a nintendo 64 system, and the first few weeks of owning it, my parents had to remind me to play the game every now and then. Yet, when I played it more and more, my parents would start to say things like, "Turn that bloody thing off! Go outside!" My dad's sister even said one time "He doesn't play that everyday, does he? I wouldn't even let him."



Triangular_Trees
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21 Aug 2008, 3:41 pm

schleppenheimer wrote:
I don't blame you for wondering whether you should let your son go out by himself.

I had to make that decision just today -- here I am, trying to get my 12 year old out in the fresh air and away from the video games, and when he asks if he can ride his bike around the neighborhood, I hesitate. Will he pay attention to traffic? Will he go talk to a neighbor for too long? Will he go visit with his one friend in the neighborhood, stay at his house, and leave me wondering where he is? Does he understand "stranger danger" enough? All things that most parents are kind of over by this age, but because our children are sometimes a little more innocent or pay a little less attention, it's natural that we are going to worry.

So, he went out for his bike ride -- and he was fine. I guess we have to let go sometime!

Kris


Why not get him a tracfone so you can text him to see where he's at if he disappears for a while. The phone and 30 minutes of talk time will cost you less than $40 combined



Aspie94
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23 Aug 2008, 8:21 pm

My son is 15 and high on the Spectrum, but on it none-the-less. This year he has expressed a huge interest in biking all over the neighborhood and, to be honest, he is more careful than most reckless teens who try tricks in the street. In fact, he tries to stay on the sidewalk and is very diligent about obeying rules.
He rides about six miles a day and is very happy with himself. His goal is to ride as far as he can. I always make him bring his cell phone and keep it on so I can contact him and he is good about letting me know "I'm here now." He has also gone to visit a few friends. Unfortunately, his two closest friends have parents who rarely allow them to leave the house (no, they don't have Aspergers--parents are just nuts...lol).
I'm very pleased that my son is striking out for independence. He used to be so shy and home all the time and now he really enjoys trips to the next town over where he stops in certain gas stations or in McD's or sometimes even runs into classmates (he is fortunate that his schoolmates are very kind to him).
I have seen my son become quite talkative and friendly in the past year. We could all freak out even about our NT kids because not all NT kids are careful. I think it's best to let them go. It DOES give him a break from his videogames...lol. I try to give him a normal life. Hub and I know he's different, but we don't see it as negative and we try to let him grow up at his own pace :) JMO



Aspie94
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23 Aug 2008, 8:24 pm

You know I should mention that we live in a very small town and that he is riding into another small town or a small city (18,000 people)...he goes both places. So I understand parents who live in busy cities being more concerned. I'd be more worried if we lived in, say, Chicago, but I'd be worried not just about him, but about my NT daughter too. It does matter where you live.