my patience is running thin...dance class for our kiddo

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So I move to the US, as I am constantly told how many wonderful options there are for our children. It has been like trying to find a needle in a haystack to get him into ANYTHING...

After 4 months, I have found one league that does soccer, baseball, etc...at different times of the year...and one gym that has a gym class for special needs kids (most in the class diagnosed with autism).

I found a place that offered dance/ballet/tap and my son loves to dance...it was for kids with autism...well, 1st lesson WE thought was a success...we have never seen him so into something and paying attention so much for 1 1/2 hours...HOWEVER, after the class was over the teacher told us that she would "try" him in the preschooler class since it was a smaller group and see where he would do better...but that they would DEFINITELY work with him...that maybe 1 1/2 hours was too much for him, but they would definitely work with him. He loves to dance, especially tap...So, we buy the shoes, the clothes, etc, etc...He goes to class with the "preschoolers" (two 2-3 year old girls) and he's 7...needless to say, he was mostly bored and out of it...He did MUCH better in the other class. No tantrums at all in the big kids class, etc...So, we tell them what WE think and the teacher says that he will get used to it, that they all kind of get bored and doze off every once in a while, etc...So now week 3, he goes and again all the kids from the big class ask why he's not in THEIR class...he does NOT want to go to the other class and keeps telling me he wants the other class...So, out of 30 minutes, we see him in time out for about 20 of those...Not once did we see him running, not once did we see him throwing a tantrum, not once did we see the teacher chasing him...but we did see him in time out...So after 30 minutes the teacher walks him out and tells us he's "disrupting the class"...and she can't deal with it...NICE!! !

Mind you, he had his speech class today and even his speech teacher told me today that it was one of the best days he's ever had...not ONCE during all day before dance class did I have to punish him, reprimand him, etc...he was Mr. Agreeable ALL DAY long...until he walked into the class with 2 little girls.

So, what are we to do??? I have called around in the Dallas area and I have YET to find a place that will work with a special needs child for music lessons...ONE place had the director call me and she said they would "try" him...again, that same thing...she said if he could PAY ATTENTION, then they could work with him...WTF???

So, exactly what is it that is out there for our kids? Thousands of hours of crappy therapy to make them into something they are NOT? So that they can be quiet little ADULTs, so that the adults don't have to deal with children being children?

I am sorry, but this is ridiculous. In such a big city as Dallas, it is appalling that there is so little for our children to do outside of going to school and going to therapy.

If we as parents do NOT stand up to society and demand that they be included, and that their differences be respected, in a few more years any child that does not do exactly as they are told, that does not sit for 8 hours without saying a word will be tagged and punished by society. This is WRONG!! ! This is SOOOO wrong!! ! It is NOT that there are more children with autism, it is that adults are less tolerant and expect children to act as adults. They would rather have a stupid child that keeps their mouth shut, than a smart one that questions their stupid and ridiculous rules.

It took everything I have to not tell that teacher to shove it...and that my child was NORMAL in comparison to the two girls that are so obviously NOT acting like typical 2-3 year olds should act...

So, what do we do? What do others do? Do our kids just not join anything??? Is their only chance for interaction the crappy interaction that public schools offer them? The same schools that marginalize them from the other children??? That lock them up in closets???

I'm sorry your having so much trouble. It makes me feel really lucky to have my son's karate teacher, she's great with him. BTW I'm in the Dallas area too.

Were you doubting there it's 1 in 150 on the autism spectrum or lot of kids are being misdiagnosed with autism?


I do think it is ridiculous. Adults shouldn't be dealing with children if they can't handle them. Heck there are even parents out there who don't even want their kids around, they want them to be quiet, they lock them out of the house because they don't want them around, don't even pay any attention to them because they are too lazy to do their job. There were lot of parents like that on our block when I was a kid. Lot of them were undisciplined, let their kids outside alone unsupervised, two of my best friends who were cousins were locked out of their house because their grandparents didn't want them around (they lived with them), one of my other friend's parents always called the cops on their kids so they can talk to them every time they did something wrong because they didn't want to be the bad guys so they had the police do it for them. And also they didn't care if their kids bullied. My mother says they were all lazy parents. They probably were lazy and I agree. Heck lot of them didn't even take their kids anywhere to places so my brothers and I were the lucky ones, even if we didn't get everything we wanted like one of those kids did, and weren't even allowed to be mean to other kids. We went on lot of trips and we went to places a lot while the other kids were stuck at home.
One of my friends did go on a trip every year to lake Tahoe but their parents always left them alone in a condo while they would go out and gamble. They didn't take their kids anywhere, no swimming in the lake, no tram, no going on the boat, no going to Tucket. But my friend Stephanie loved going down there and she didn't even mind being the condo. Of course she didn't mind because she can't miss what she's never had. She loved it because she got to go somewhere every August.


And as a child I thought all those kids were lucky because they were allowed to be rude and nasty and they got whatever they wanted. But then at age 16 I realized my brothers and I were the lucky ones. At least we were taught how to really act and to treat others and we got to go to places and they didn't.

And we all lived in houses and I am sure they could afford time share and doing fun things together since mine could. Gas wasn't expensive back then, nor were plane prices. In fact my boyfriend told me gas was under a dollar when he was in high school so that would be the early 90's. So it didn't cost my parents that much to fill their cars. Food was cheaper back then too. Our houses were cheaper back then too, now they are all worth about in the $500,000's. My parents only got theirs for $127,000 something in 1989. But they had it built after they bought the lot in the neighborhood. They picked a house they wanted to build and had it built.
When they had it financed in 1998 because we were going to move it was worth somewhere in the $400,000's. That's how much the value went up over the years.

Sorry, no, I do not mean to say that it is not 1 in 150 of kids with autism...I think honestly that there are too many that fall in that category...I feel that all are autistic, and that the ones who don't talk, and are lower functioning (per the medical community) are that way because of environmental reasons. 30 years ago there were kids that behaved like many kids with autism do today...30 years ago there were NOT as many children who could not speak...Never in my 40 years did I hear anyone say their child used to talk and then stopped talking...

However, I do NOT believe that the autism "symptoms" that are categorized by the medical community are truly a disease as so many call it. I believe that these children are just children...and act as many normal children do. I believe that the empathy thing, and so many other things that our kids are perceived to have as symptoms are because women want boys to be like girls nowadays...Boys used to be rough, boys used to be rowdy...this was all part of being a boy before...Now boys are expected to be calm and behave like girls...You can see this attitude in so many ways...

I am sick of people saying that my child not paying attention for 1 1/2 hours on something that is boring to him is a symptom of his "disease"...What IS a symptom of society's disease is expecting children to act like adults. Expecting children to pay attention for hours on end on something that bores them to death...Most women would zone out and fall asleep if they were made to sit through 1 1/2 hours of "how a car works or how to fix a car"..."or football statistics"...but boys are expected to sit still and pay attention through everything...and if they don't do it as kids, they are told they have ADHD, ADD, autism...if they don't do it as adults they are seen as a "horrendous and inconsiderate male"...but women are never treated this way. Any girl who was a tomboy 30 years ago is now an autistic girl...

Anyway, I am just tired of adults expecting kids to behave like adults...I see it also...I homeschool and I am so sick of parents saying to me "how do you do it? I need MY SPACE...I could never homeschool my child..." Yet, I enjoy being with my child...which of course is the difference between those who think there is something "wrong" with their child and those of us who think that people expect them to be adults...

If they want to put a 7 year old in with 2-3 year olds then I think 'shove it' is an acceptable response.

If he didn't play up a bit I wouldbe worried about him.

Do you have a local autistic association?

I'd say use that to find leads. If you don't get any leads for what you want to do, use it to find other parents/kids who want to do the same thing.

Then you could maybe club together to hire a teacher/hall and get something going.

My son attends an aspie soccer club created and run by a parent. It has the support of the local autistic society and professional soccer club. Training is by the soccer clubs own professional coaches. We also get visits from professional players, stadium tours and free tickets to matches.

Out karate instructor is excellent. Lessons are only 1 hour which IMO is not enough for a full lesson for the older kids but suits the young kids just fine.

On empathy. I think that it is more of a social skills issue. The aspies just don't fake it the way NTs do

unfortunately, there's no guarantees anywhere about finding services that are appropriate for your child......have you tried surfing the internet to look for a licensed music therapist ?

I loved, loved, loved your post! Gives me a chance to rant on these same issues. I also homeschool and get the same dumb questions "How do you do it?" Well, he's MY son and he's MY responsibility-that's how!

The more I am home with my son and see him interact around NT and other kids the thought keeps going around in my head "There is nothing wrong with him" When my son was in ps there were kids who were incapable of going through a day without causing some kind of trouble in the classroom, disobeying the teacher, just doing whatever the hell they wanted and my son (the "weird" one with Aspergers) sat quietly through the 6 hours and never got in trouble, did his work diligently, never hurt a soul... so who has the problem?

My son would love to do athletic type stuff -he's not good at it but he wants to do it. I was lucky enough to get him into a gym class last year that was a collaboration through our park district and Easter Seals. They had them do everything NT kids would -trampoline, tumbling, etc. but made accomodations when needed and just let them do it their way. My son had the time of his life. If I enrolled him in a "normal=NT" gym class they would come up to me and say "Noah needs to work on his handstands or Noah needs to try harder - that's when I would have wanted to scream at the top of my lungs - "He DID do a handstand- it would not qualify him for the US National Gymnastics Finals, but damn it- he did HIS handstand" and he was trying you just didnt' notice."

Many, many adults want kids to always be quiet, always be compliant, always be patient and basically easy to handle when their developmental age is just not going to allow that to happen.

Why are we so impatient and unforgiving of kids just being kids sometimes? ESPECIALLY if we choose to work with them. If you're teaching kids dance then expect to be teaching KIDS - not little adults.

Heartfelt dittos.

The most ridiculous example of this kind of thing that we experienced was an out of school ping-pong/table-tennis class, which game my son fell in love with at the Association's Fair we go to every autumn, and started with great excitement, only to spend week after week practising use of bats without a single game in sight, and most sessions without even the tables, which were there folded up in the hall all the time.

After about 4-5 sessions during which my son became increasingly bored and restless, ( laughing and rolling about on floor between exercises) , I asked when they were going to actually play games at the tables, and was told "when they have earned it/deserve it".

I thought table-tennis was a game, that you played for fun! When he heard that answer he didn't want to go again.

Haven't they heard that you learn skills /how to play something by playing, enjoyment etc?

.

We just enroll our son in what he wants, no special classes, and decide later if we need to tell the teachers. When he was younger we pretty much never told the teachers, because parents generally stayed and watched the class, and I figured I could sort it out if something happened. Now that he is older, we do tell, just so they know what to do if there is a meltdown, but it's been pretty much unnecessary. He isn't signed up if he doesn't want to do it, and he gets it that he has to follow instructions in order to stay in the class. One thing we definitely do is steer away from all those "best" schools and teachers, and just find ones that look fun, that will be comfortable for him, because they are usually more flexible. "Best" tends to be about high quality skills for the kids and, well, my kids aren't looking to become professionals someday at any of these things.

I'm sure it's just coincidence, but for my sister's wedding it was the bridesmaid trying to get her dress taken care of in Texas that had all the problems. She's the slimmest and fittest of any of us, but also over 40 like all of us, and they basically treated her like she had no business looking for a bridesmaid dress. Like, "sorry, you don't fit the mold, and we're married to the mold, so go away." They worked hard, I swear, to deal deep blows to her self-esteem.

ANYWAY, the thing about the "US" is that it's a big, big country, and things vary not only by state, by neighborhoods within a city. Perhaps it just takes time to find your way in that area, or perhaps that area just doesn't want to deal with differences. If time proves it to be the later, keep looking and drive further.

http://www.tagteach.com/index.htm

Ask these people? It looks like their 'find a teacher' function is gone so you've got to 'contact us.'

Thanks to all who replied...

For the person who said "shove it" was acceptable, I tell you that I was talking to other moms in my kiddo's gym class (the ONLY special needs that I have found in 4 months here) and one mother who is new said to me..."well, you can go to X, but they are a Christian academy and if you go with that attitude they'll kick you out"...I about whacked HER over the head...
The mom I was ACTUALLY talking to looked at me in shock...and I just said to her..."sorry, but anyone treats my child with such disrespect, they do NOT deserve my respect...so if someone does not want me to tell them to shove it, they better treat my child with respect..." sigh...


Anyway, thanks for the link about the teachers...I will look around...I have been looking on the internet ALL NIGHT for about 5 hours and have found one place in Plano (I live in Flower Mound - about 30 mins away or so...and well, that seems to be IT!! !)

I did find another place that is a gym that looks cool, no dance classes though...but their charge for the "special" kids is X amount (same as all other classes) PLUS an extra 40-60USD per class!! ! Holly cow! How outrageous...sigh...

If these places want to charge so much, you'd think that as parents either insurance would cover that portion of it that is needed due to the special needs or the government would allow us to deduct that part of it as medical expenses...sigh...

So, while the other classes would be about 60USD a month, for my kiddo it would be anywhere from 200USD to 300USD a month for a class???

I will continue to look for him...it is very unfair...I think I'm going to start a website about crappy places for kids with autism so that way maybe they'll re-think before treating them so unfairly...

Hi, I'm pretty new here, but this one caught my eye as my son went to his first ballet class on Monday this week! He's 6, will be 7 in December and asked to go to ballet classes. I'm perfectly capable of falling over my own feet, so he's not inspired by me!

I basically just took my son along to the nearest class. It only lasts 1/2 hour, and by the end of it he was lying on the floor at the side and said he was too tired. That wasn't a problem, they just left him there and carried on with the class. At the end the teacher said that he didn't participate all the time, but was more engaged when she played music to dance to. Because he finished up lying on the floor I wondered if she might say it wasn't for him, but she was very positive and says she's sure he'll be fine!

I'd spoken to the teacher beforehand and explained that he's very active and flaps his hands, bangs his head etc., and that he's to be assessed for autism. Again, that wasn't a problem for her, and she said that she has a girl with Asperger's at one of her other classes.

I'm sorry that you're having such trouble finding a suitable class where you are. An hour and a half seems a long time though, for any 7 year old child. Are most classes in your area that long?

Marcia, stamina seems to be an issue for our kids, doesn't it? They seem to have loads of it when they are pacing or stimming, but for a sport or class, even one they have asked to attend? Not so much.

I am glad you have an understanding teacher. I guess choosing to lay down and rest off to a side doesn't disrupt anything, so she's wise to just let it be.

I don't think a special class is needed as much as a special teacher