Question about getting a warning at school

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my son (9, asperger's, 4th grade) was given a warning slip today. It was for "using profanity or language insulting or hurtful to other children"

Description was" Inappropriate words used in a song while waiting in line to go into the Computer Lab (ret*d, shoot your friends)

He and one other boy got a warning slip. Granted, those can be hurtful and dangerous when used in the context they are meant. But these boys were laughing and goofing around and singing a song they had learned from other boys on the playground. They were not singing about any one person in particular.

Do you think it is fair that the boys were given a warning????

You seem to be making more out of this then you need to be. Just tell your son not to say that again because some people might find it inappropriate, and be done with it.

If your son was given a detention or something, then you might have cause for concern, but just chalk this up to a misunderstanding, and dont worry about it.

I'm kinda having a hard time conveying that using those words were inappropriate.
He seems STUCK on "it's just a song" (think very literal here... )

So.... I have to convey that the school found this much more serious.

BTW -- warnings ARE considered serious at the school.
I just think it's sorta ridiculous myself. But I don't make the rules.

Yes, it can be frustrating when your kid gets in trouble for incidents that mainly arise because of the way AS impacts them (ie. not entirely their fault). Sounds a little over-the-top from the school's perspective, but I have generally found that teachers try to do a fair job, but sometimes don't have the complete picture of the context of situations. I would just ride with it and use it as a "learning opportunity" for your son. If you are still upset about it in a couple of days time, maybe just have a quiet word with the teacher to say that you support the school's systems and that your child needs to learn appropriateness, but also just clarifying that they understand that his AS was a contributing factor.

Also, make sure you keep the warning slip so that next time your child is verbally bullied by other children and has "language insulting and hurtful" used against him, you have some "ammo" in terms of expecting that the school will be issuing immediate warnings to these children!!

huh, really odd lag there, ignore this post

If these words are being used by a lot of the kids, it would seem more appropriate for the school to address all the students without singling anybody out, and explain that certain words are hurtful and insulting and that their use won't be tolerated.

I do not think the song is the issue itself but where it was sung. Most kids would have probably kept it to the school playground and areas where teachers and other school authority figures are not around. I think what your son needs to learn is when it is appropriate to sing such a song rather than the fact that it was a song.

This reminds me of "Deck the halls with gasoline" which I learned in the 4th grade.

Hey, he got off with a warning.
Although I don't necessarily agree, I also think the school administrators might be trying to curb those kind of things and he got caught up as an example to others. Kids get warnings all the time, as long as it's not a pattern (and I admit, I have no idea what the overall situation is) I don't think it's worth worrying about.

I've discovered I can spend a lot of time asking my kids, "um, do you know what those words MEAN?" Usually they don't. Then I'm left explaining the meaning so they can get a clue as to why they should never, NEVER use them again. I worry that some of it actually puts my kids in danger. Really.

Fortunately, the staff at our elementary school takes a similar approach. They know the kids are usually just mimics. But, still, because the language DOES get so quickly and carelessly copied, it IS important for it to get squashed fast.

While I would have preferred a more subtle approach to be used by the school in your son's case, I do think they were within general guidelines. You have to explain to him that just because words are in a song does not dilute the meaning. And meaning is important. Appeal to his logic, and then appeal to his disire to avoid future warnings.

Sorry to hear it happened, but hopefully he will learn from it. Eventually, anyway ... I kow it's hard for kids to absorb.

in some schools, that song would've resulted in a suspension......the reality is that it is inappropriate for him to be singing this song. "hurt words" are taken seriously by many, many people. perhaps you need to go over what the "hurt words" are, and explain that other people take those words seriously & feel that he intends to hurt them.

They would have suspended them where I live. Warning is good. I hope your son can stop himself from repeating it. My son has very little impulse control, esp. with verbal statements.

As a teacher, I can see why he got a warning because the teacher is doing exactly what one of you suggested, trying to get a handle on inappropriate language. But if you want to, talk to the teacher about it so that he/she has a better understanding of your kid. It is true that kids who are not as aware of social norms get in trouble more than other kids because they don't realize when to stop the behavior.

Would you be just as upset if some other boy were singing about shooting your friends, the school did nothing to stop it, and then that kid ended up shooting his friends? Laughing and goofing off about shooting someone in no way can be considered that the person isn't serious about wanting to kill someone - look at how many murderers laugh and smile during the descriptions of their crimes at trial.

Teachers don't have a magical power to say "to this kid its just a song, to this kid its real." If they did, most of the school shootings would have been stopped as most of the shooters talked about it for quite a while before they did it, and everyone just brushed it off as a kid thing. Even that little first grader who shot and killed a girl a few years ago said he was going to kill her the day before.

I wonder what the lyrics of this song were. Its not one I'm familiar with, but from the two lyrics you gave, there is no way i wouldn't report it, if I heard it.

I'd way till you are calm, and then call the school, explain your view on your son not understanding this, and ask to have the school psychologist discuss why its inappropriate to use such words in any context to him.


*I can point you out schools where a child of his age would have been expelled and/or have to attend special counseling aside of school for such behavior. You should really be consideing yourself lucky that he was laughing about killing people and all that happened was a warning. Or maybe be considering yourself unlucky, because it could have just as easily been some kid who was seriously considering killing others, and enjoying the song because of that, and all the school did was give out a warning. While rare, school shootings do happen, and that other little boy may have found the song fun because he found the idea of killing someone fun.

The consensus here seems to be that the school is doing their best to prevent a possible situation, and I agree with that assessment. School violence is a reality these days, and maybe you can show him some news stories of school shootings so that he can see why people would be nervous about the words to his song. It's important for him to realize that "just a song" can be very upsetting to people because it impacts his ability to empathize with them.

Then, I would absolutely go to the teacher and explain to her your son's difficulty in understanding why the song is wrong. Let her know that you are working on it, but you need her help too, so that he isn't considered a danger when he really isn't. This reassures the school that they don't have a budding psychopath on their hands. Perhaps getting the school counselor involved (if you have one) wouldn't be a bad thing either. That way someone within the school administration will have more of a handle on your child and the fact that he is socially inept but not violent.

We live in tough times and I think that most of us would prefer that schools took a hard line with anything that could possibly lead up to a tragedy. I understand that your son is not the kid who is going to take 5 guns and blow away his classmates, but the school can't assume that.