Not sure if my child is an aspie but have questions...

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My DD age 11years is scheduled for a school eval by the pyschologist. The counselor just got back from Tony Atwood's newest course and thinks she may have Aspergers. Evidently it presents very differently in girls than boys. My daughter does suffer from very low self esteem, compares herself to others all the time, has tantrums and difficulty controlling her emotions, apologizes profusely, and seems to do better with younger children (about two years younger) and children that are not competitive in nature with academics or socialization.

My question is this, does anyone else out there have a daughter that is about ten or eleven that has been diagnosed? What is she like? Who exactly has the authority to make this diagnosis? Does it need to be an M.D.? Also what meds if any has helped with depression?

Thanks so much!
Lucy

Well, ten or eleven is when the school shrinks caught on to the fact that I was... different. I hated who I was, but couldn't be bothered to change it. I never had any friends cause I figured none of them would like me because even I didn't like me. I was so very quiet around people I'd not met before, or people my age, but around new adults or little kids I was awesome.

I really presented as an amazingly shy kid, but it's not that I was shy, I just didn't know what to do.

You daughter sounds a lot like myself at that age.

One word of caution: If she's got big dreams and the means to achieve them, don't saddle her with a DX. A lot of people still don't get it. Just go to the consult, learn what you can, but keep it off the record. When she's an adult, you can have her DX'd then, and between then and now you can raise her knowing she has AS.

A lot of the problems I experienced in school were people trying to make things easier for me. It made it even harder because now I was singled out, and for someone with low self esteem, to be singled out with a problem made it so much worse.

Course, the above is just my opinion.

A great book on girls and ASD is "Girls Growing Up on the Autism Spectrum". It was just released last month and is a treasure trove of information regarding diagnosis and dealing with the complexities of adolesence.

http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Growing-Aut ... 437&sr=8-1

I was diagnosed as an adult, but I do remember what it was like for me to be 11 years old and on the spectrum.

One thing you need to know is that Tony Attwood's Asperger's is higher functioning than traditional US Asperger's. Those who are diagnosed by Attwood are diagnosed with Asperger's, but those who are diagnosed at TEACCH would be diagnosed with PDD-NOS. It might do you some good to look them both up.

At 11 I was very much a leader. Every game, every activity, every projected needed to be led by me, and if it wasn't then it wasn't good enough for me to participate in.

My main obsession was with cats and had been since I was a child. I had a subscription to Cat Fancy, and had any book with Cat in the title. I thought my cat was my best friend.

I was a very picky eater and didn't eat much. I played with my food a lot.

I played outside a lot, and spend hours building "dams" in the nearby creek. I really thought I could build castles out of giant snowballs and was always disappointed with how little I could achieve in reality. I got easily frusterated when real life didn't work out the way it did in my dreams, and upon trying to do something (like bowling) I was often disappointed to find out I wasn't supremely gifted at it.

I did well in school work at that age. However sometimes I would have problems with singing or humming in the middle of class and not realize I was doing it. I also tended to make a lot of animal noises at that age, mostly meows.

I almost missed this part.

There are no medications to treat autism spectrum disorders. There are medications which treat depression in adults, but those are not tested or approved for children. In fact, notable studies have shown that children given SSRI's have an increased suicide risk.

I can't comment how the presentation is in girls, since I have a boy, so I will limit my answer to diagnosis.

You may have some choices with that. Think about what you what the diagnosis to achieve, and that may drive what you choose.

Most people go through their doctors, with referrals to specialists. When this is done, it becomes a part of the child's permanent medical record and may someday be used for social security support, etc. It is also going to be the most thorough and accurate evaluation, although be aware that professionals won't always agree on waht the best label is, or even what it all means.

We have a school diagnosis, completely unofficial, for use withing the current school system only, and by any school system that chooses to respect it. The evaluation was done by the school psychologist and, as such, is not "official." But it has been good enough to get us the accommodations my son desperately needed in class, as well as occupational therapy and social skills / pragmatic language assistance provided by the school.

It's difficult to look ahead and know all the ways having or not having a diagnosis may affect your daughter. Ask a lot of questions, carefully weigh the pros and cons. Rely on instinct. And talk to your daughter - she is old enough to be fully involved in the process and the decisions related to it.

And it's also possible that she just has depression.

In order to determine AS, you need to examine childhood behaviours. Did she often engage in repetative behaviours in order to self-soothe, or release pent-up energy? Have in-depth interests about one or two different areas? Do you find yourself having to correct her if she says or does something inappropriate or rude?

Again, if she DOES have AS, I agree with kip. Don't go telling the school, and try and just get a 'verbal' diagnosis. Middle school is a very difficult time, and she doesn't need any more grief.

You see, your daughter (if she has AS) is in the middle of her 'major adaptation process' that occurs between ages 8-15 approximately. This is the stage in which children with AS become aware that people find them to be weird, and start taking steps to become 'less weird'. Girls will tend to start this earlier than boys. They begin to phase out public stimming, phase out echolalia, beginning to talk less about their special interests, and make an attempt to conform with the NT children.

If left to their own devices, a child with AS will adapt on their own terms. Some things might take longer than others, but in the end they develop critical thinking skills about the art of social interaction that other AS children may not get (due to "early intervention" programs that encourage rote memorization of social 'scripts'). In my experience, the ones who 'put their time in purgatory', tend to grow up just fine WITHOUT all of these therapies.

The problem with introducing intervention and therapies in the middle of the adaptation process, is that you're essentially saying "I don't trust you with your own adaptation process. I'm taking over now." That approach CERTAINLY isn't good for your daughter's already damaged self-esteem. The same applies with trying to get her accomodations in school. Being labeled as "slow" or "special" by the school at THIS point in her life will cause her to sink even further into depression.

It might just be better for everyone if she's allowed to ride it out on her own, no matter how much you might feel bad for her. Middle school is always the worst. It gets better, trust me.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't treat her depression. By all means, treat that. But as for AS, you should let her figure that out on her own.

You all gave me so much to think about. Right now I think I will get some of the books recommended, continue her private therapy for mood, and go ahead with the school eval. The school said they will not "label" her, only say what kind of disability if any she may have. I would like some accomodations like a 504 or IEP though as it is getting harder for her to make it through the day.

One thing I want is a resource place where she may retreat to if her feelings overwhelm her, right now she goes to the girls' room and cries. It breaks my heart. She tends to compare herselves academically, artisitcally, with dance, etc. to the point of obession and compulsion. But she has never exhibited self stim. If anything she needs more ability to soothe herself. She was a colicky baby, I had a very traumatic birth with her, she is the oldest of my two kids. She doesnt' get along with her younger brother at all. She didn't talk to age 2.5 then in short sentences, she was disturbed by the color black (teachers thought I was nuts) and certain animals (cows) and certain songs or books. She would never do finger play songs like patty cake or what not. To this day she doesn't like being hugged or physical contact. She is extraordinarily bright and in all acclerated classes. The school said they will test her for the gifted program when she gets her eval. I know this would boost her self esteem tremendously. I am the girl scout troop leader and she really enjoys doing community service. She is loyal, honest, and sensitive to a fault. My biggest concerns are how she will be bullied and taken advantage of in her teen years. I feel like I need the school's help at this point to make it through middle and high school But yes I totally agree with her having difficulty and a negative impact with the "label". I really don't or am not ready yet to introduce her to this at this point in time. When I mentioned that she was going to be evaluated at school and that maybe she could have a safe place to resort to when sad she was like "PLEASE don't put me with the "special" kids. I am not like that!" I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place.

But thanks for all your advice. I will keep posting if you don't mind. I just want to learn as much as possible and hear from you all, especially those parents of girls and women aspies.

God bless
Lucy

my daughter,age 10, is currently dxed ADHD, but is being re-evaled for AS.......
she takes meds for her anxiety. (Tenex & Geodon). without meds, she is prone to fits of tears, histrionics, pacing, flapping. ........with meds, she is still herself-but much calmer most of the time. we're noticing now that the anxiety is under control, we are seeing more aspieness. she blurts out inappropriate comments, still socializes inappropriately, totally misunderstands metaphors, extreme difficulties with transitioning.

I can't really help with the difference with how it shows in girls, compared to boys. I have a 9 year old aspie son. But I remember being a 11 year old girl. It is a tough thing! She is heading towards puberty and kids are really hard on other kids, especially girls. I would not want to be that age again for anything. I am a nt, but had quite a few of those problems myself growing up(self esteem issues, comparing myself to other girls, apologizing profusely). I still apologize too much sometimes. It may just be part of a growing up or it could be more. I don't think a dx is the end of the world and personally I would rather know than not know. My son was diagnosed in his public school. But he sees a psych doc and will be starting counseling soon. If your daughter is really depressed or has anxiety, my son is on a small dose of Zoloft and seems to be doing well with it. He calls it his anger meds. There is a warning that anti-depressents may increase suicidal thoughts or tendencies, so you have to watch you child carefully. But I am sure you do that already. I hope that I might have helped you in some way. Hang in there!