Son diagnosed borderline AS what to tell 1st grade teacher?

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My 6 year old son was diagnosed earlier this year as 'borderline' Aspergers. The more my wife and I read about AS, the more we accept that this is accurate. He is high functioning, goes to a magnet school for musically talented children, socializes pretty well. Does well academically (reads well above grade level, like to write stories, good at math).

However, teachers have raised concerns about some behavioral issues: difficulty with transitions, gets very upset when routine is broken or if things don't go his way and doesn't follow verbal directions well. Recently we've heard from school that he has been acting "silly" in some group situations: crawling on the floor, under tables during assembly, fooling around after he's been told to stop by an adult. He doesn't seem to understand what is appropriate in classroom vs. on the playground. Seems like other kids are able to goad him to act like a clown and then he gets in trouble.

The school is great, classes are small (15). But both last year and this year teacher have recognized that he's different (first grade teacher said he's a "mystery" to her).

We're planning to do additional evaluation and possibly social skills classes at NYU Aspergers Institute (we're in NY City). But are torn over what to tell his teacher(s). We've found some good AS resources for teachers that we think would be helpful to share, but we don't want him to be typecast in school. One doctor we spoke with agreed; suggested we should focus on the behaviors (how to prepare him for transitions, using written vs. spoken instructions, etc) rather than the diagnosis.

We're interested in hearing how other parents in similar situations have handled telling teachers and school administrators. If you told them did you regret it or did it work out well?

Thanks.

I understand the fear of being typecast by a label. But do you expect the teachers and administration to accept and follow these instructions without an explanation, and without figuring it out? I would think an accurate label, assuming you work to bring the accuracy, is better than the labels he'll otherwise get. If you don't set the label then something outside your control will fill that vacuum.

I would advise against telling his teachers just yet. They will look at him through that lens, and that will not benefit him. After years of going undiagnosed, my mom decided to tell all my teachers after I was diagnosed just before senior year, and a couple of them did treat me differently- and not in a generally positive manner. Asperger's is so ill-understood that you would be better off leaving them in complete ignorance rather than planting a slew of misconceptions in their simple minds.

I feel it would be the wise thing to inform the teachers................... the facts are kind.

find some books on AS that they can borrow from you.........the more they know about AS, the better prepared they will be when it comes to dealing with your son's issues

You are in a real bind. As DwightF said, a school is unlikely to follow your instructions without a good reason. On the other hand, as Orwell pointed out, some teachers will treat people differently (and not necessarily in a good way) because of a label. Providing books for them to borrow with information that you think would be helpful can help shape the way the teachers will work with your son, but you will not be able to control it. If the school finds out that you knew your son's diagnosis and withheld it, they will be very upset, and may refuse to allow him to continue next year. So no matter what you do, there are risks.

We shared our son's diagnosis with his school. Prior to that, I had figured out how to handle him effectively just by being his mother, and had explained it to his teachers. I had mixed results with this approach - some teachers valued my input, some didn't. After diagnosis, some teachers became very protective of my son and wanted to do everything to help him succeed, some were fearful of him (not exactly him, but of what his needs might mean), some tried to avoid dealing with him as much as possible because they didn't consider it their job to work with him, even though his needs were relatively small. I'm not sure how much of the negative reaction was a result of the diagnosis per se, though. It's quite possible that had he not been diagnosed, the attitude toward him would have been equally negative, but it would have been with a different content - not knowing what was "wrong," instead of it being all about the "Asperger's." In any school, particularly a "typical" school, there will be some teachers who simply don't want to be "bothered" with "those" kids, and some who are phenomenally committed to supporting all kids to be the best they can be. Unfortunately, you can't choose to whom you disclose - it's all or nothing.

If your son was diagnosed, there must be a reason for it. ..You say "borderline"? How so?

IMO, the only reason to diagnose a child is if the diagnosis will help the child - by changing the approach of parents and teachers. If your son has genuine problems, he needs help in those areas, not to be labled as "an enigma". Why have the teacher "discover the wheel" when the answer to many of her questions is at hand? There are many solutions, ready to go, for typical AS problems like transition problems.

If you say A, you have to say B.
If you felt it neccesary to have him diagnosed, let him benifit from it, don't let it be your secret! It may well be a huge relief for your family to come out of the closet.
You say you are afraid he will be typecasted, but he is already being typecasted as the "class clown"?

Small adjustment will make your son cope better with transitions ect. He will have more energy to use on the important stuff - reading, music, getting better at socializing.

Best of luck to you!

It's this part of the post that drew my attention. With your son, these are NOT behavior issues, but common AS complications. I don't know how you can separate the need from the label in getting the teachers to understand that they will need to adhere to structure, be clear on expectations, stay consistent, provide adequate warning on transitions, and perhaps allow your child to separate himself from certain group situations. These are things that are difficult for him to process, it's part of who he is, and not an inability to behave.

When my son was first diagnosed I actually used that very word myself when I was trying to get a handle on autism and how it related to my son. Because, coming from a position of relative lack of knowledge, my mental map of autism was heavily weighted towards those that would have gotten diagnosed 25 years ago rather than the full breadth of the spectrum that included, unbeknownst to me, someone I'd already known for a number of years who I just considered a bit of an "odd duck" but still a friend.

As such it is sort of a way of saying "high functioning". Meets the DSM-IV criteria. Is on the spectrum. Is helped by the altered interaction methods he mentions. But there is this disjoint between what you see before you and what you thought autism was. I'd call it sort of an advanced stage of acceptance, he's autistic but what's that really mean and how do I describe it.

My son's diagnosis wasn't even the "milder" Aspergers, he had a pronounced speech and body language delay. He was effectively non-verbal, and would do things like position our hands on objects instead of pointing to them. I would imagine if mrbubble's son is talking it'd be even harder to reconcile. As such, if that's the same for him as it was for me, I think it's pretty easy to understand his concern about the teachers misunderstanding the label when the confusion is fresh in his mind. Maybe he's not overly confident he can explain it accurately? *shrug*

To answer your question about telling the teacher:

It depends on the teacher really. I know that my 2nd grade teacher was very nice, and helpful. If AS had been defined back then, and she known about it, she would have looked for ways to help me. She would have been caring, understanding, and compassionate. Should problems have arisen, she would have worked with me in order to overcome said difficulties.

My 3rd grade teacher was a very angry, judgmental person. If she knew I had AS, she would have used it against me, and labeled me a natural trouble maker. She then would have used this against me, and blamed me personally for any problems that I was remotely connected to. Her solution would be to make me write more sentences, which of course would not have fixed anything.

I would suggest that you dont mention the AS, but just say that your son is 'a bit unusual because of his unique neurology'. If they question it further, you can just say that the doctors arent sure about exactly what to label it as. This is true since the doctors said 'borderline'. That way you have an explanation, but you dont give the teachers the ability to look the condition up, and assume the worst. It is better to address the current issues then to antagonize him about problems he doesnt have merely because they are mentioned in association with AS.

Now for unsolicited advice time!

As for your son 'silly', there is a few ways to address this. He acts this way because it makes him think he is better liked by his fellow students. This is because his fellow students laugh, and treat him nicely if he does the silly things they want him to. The most common method (not necessarily the best) to stop these actions is to punish your son for such actions. If you can make the resulting punishment bad enough that it outweighs the approval of his peers then he will stop. The problem is that this leads to him lacking friends, and being saddened/angry for being punished. Perhaps the better solution would be to explain to your son that the people who are goading him into acting silly are really not doing so because of friendship. They are doing it just to laugh at him.

Also helping your son to find friends who like him without goading him into doing these things would be better. Having a relationship based upon enjoying each others company, and playing together, is better then being goaded into acting silly for the other persons amusement.

As a general rule of thumb, working with your son in order to fix the problems may be harder then punishment for unliked behaviors, but it often proves better results in the long run. If your son can internalized, and understand the reason for taking certain actions, or refraining from other actions then he will be able to act appropriately of his own free will, not because he fears being caught.

I will say that I had chose not to disclose it to the school (though, someone else did, in quite a rude way) with my youngest. I didn't get his diagnosis because I felt it would help him. His EI team kept pushing for me to do it since my oldest was diagnosed. They just felt it was better to know.

I chose to keep this from the school for very different reasons though. They had already told me they didn't think he was on the spectrum. I also learned with my school district, diagnosis meant nothing to them. He already had an IEP, so there was no reason to tell them about the diagnosis. (Even after the other person told them about it, it changed nothing about their poor services.)

I do not feel like my situation is the same as yours though. It's unclear if your son has an IEP or a 504 plan. If he does not, then it's very important to get whichever is appropriate. If he needs an IEP, they will most likely come to the same diagnosis your doctor had in the evaluation process. If he needs a 504 plan, he HAS to have the medical diagnosis. Either way, they are going to find out, so it's better for you to tell them.

"Borderline" is what the clinician who did the psychological evaluation said. She said there were indications of Aspergers, but that she did not have "high confidence" in making the diagnosis at this point. She said it is hard to do a proper thorough evaluation on children before the age of 8.

That said, we suspect he has some degree of AS, a lot of his symptoms are consistent with AS. We're proceeding assuming this is the case.

Thanks. I think this is the tactic we're going to try for now. I have found some very helpful material for teachers re; transitioning, etc. and I'm probably going to share with is teacher (who is very supportive and seems to want to help).



Good advice! We're going to try. Sometimes it is hard to tell what is AS-related and what is normal 6 year old behavior. Moderating behavior is hard for most 6 year olds (I was one once too!) and I don't think it is reasonable to expect that he is fully able to control himself "in the moment" especially when there's a whole group of fairly silly boys in the class.

The kids in my sons school are cruel. They seize on differences, from the neurotypical patterns they subconsciously expect of their classmates. My sons exceptionalities are all it takes for them to start in with their verbal bullying, isolation, and cruelty.

If your son is even on the borderlines of the autistic spectrum, it's the kids in your class that would worry me more than the teachers.
A bad teacher is a bad teacher, informed or not. But there are a lot of good teachers, who will only grow more effective when you give them more reality and honesty in how you deal with them. At least that's been my experience so far.

We've had some good teachers, but some CRAP kids in the class to deal with. In fact I'm in the middle of trying to find a new school for my son, because the environment he's in is so toxic I don't think he can learn anything there, no matter how good the teachers are.

Canadian Froggy
Proud undiagnosed Aspie Father of preteen diagnosed Aspie son.