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Hi.
My son is 21. We've had no diagnosis, but he fits descriptions of Aspergers quiet well. (poor social skills, no friends, difficulty remembering names, single minded interests/obsessions, odd sterotypic 'play behaviors' when younger...now he just paces, to name a few). School counselors, etc. just said he would make friends as he grew up and found more "math nerd" types. His verbal problem is that he gets stuck in the middle of a sentence and repeats the word he was on until he can move on. It's vaguely like stuttering, but the experts said its not.
In the last 3 weeks he has told me he is considering killing himself. He is a senior at a rigourous college and has to produce a thesis. He would have to work closely with a professor to pull this off and he'd have to ask for help repeatedly....which is like saying he doesn't have the answers. This would be very difficult for Scott.
I don't know how to deal with this. I am glad he has talked to a counselor at school, and they have helped him get on to some antidepressants.
I am scared and feel very alone, and like I've failed him.
I guess I just wanted someome to talk to.

Hi Sadjb,
One thing is sure, life is not a bed of roses.

Has your son told you why he wanted to kill himself? Is there a specific reason, or is it just a general exhaustion of the mind?
Do the meds help? My sister has had to take meds, they didn't have an effect right away, so you might have to wait a little to see some improvement. I hope they help.
Maybe it would be a good idea if he registered here.

Do not think you've failed him. Nobody's perfect. And "love is all you need", we don't need perfection.
Take care of you and your son.

sadjb, it's nearly always the case that the depressed person gets support, and those who love them and care for them get missed in the rush.

what support do you have, hon? because you need support too.

talk here as much as you like - there are plenty of people here to listen to you.

Vivi

I would also make sure the school was aware of the suicide threats just so that they might keep a closer eye on him should he decide to go there. I have had a boyfriend and two friends commit suicide and it is devastating. The boyfriend was in the process of moving me in with him and having a hard time with a custody issue and just couldn't handle it in hindsight I can see signs that pointed toward it but did not notice any at the time and I kick myself for it all the time. If it would help to have your son pm me which may be a stupid idea i don't know.... but I could tell him how devastating it is for the people left behind from first hand experience. This was 11 years ago and It still haunts me every day. Jaime

Thanks you all for the responses. I've never done anything like this before and am very grateful for your thoughtfulness and different ideas. I will consider the things you've told me closely. Thank you.

sadjd

You have not failed him for You want to help Him that is what being a PARENT IS ALL ABOUT.

Keep doing what You think is right and it will work itself out in the end I think.

Hi sadjb

How is your son doing now? Is the school work improving? Is the depression improved? It can take up to a month for antidepressants to work. Tell him if he has to, he can drop the course or even take a holiday from school. Knowing he has your permission may relieve some stress. Maybe he could take the same course from a different professor or even on line or at a different college. Tell him he can always come home to regroup. Good luck and God bless.

First, you didn't and aren't failing him. You can't change him being an aspie, and sadly there is only so much you can do to make the world less weird for him.

I know how sad and alone you must feel. When my son was six years old he threatened suicide several times and would have violent rages and would hurt himself on purpose. I was so scared. He was so young and having those thoughts. I thought what on earth could a six year old have to be so stressed out about.

We had been through two huges moves in two years. He missed his friends, family and old ways of life. We immediately stopped everything that could potentially be stressful and sought counseling. Sought treatment from pediatrician who dx'd ADHD, but also stated that there was something else there and that J should see a pychologist for further evaluation. Shortly thereafter we were dx'd with AS.

I spent a lot of time trying to talk with him. I let him know how much I loved him and that it was okay to miss his friends and family. I told him the moves where not his fault and that my divorce from his father was not his fault. It turns out he was blaming himself for the divorce, and in some ways still does at 9 years of age.

Three years later you wouldn't recognize J from how he was back then. He's happy, healthy and doing well. I think it has everything to do with all the steps we took to help him.

If your son is so stressed about his senior project, maybe he's afraid to fail. Maybe he's afraid to let you down. Tell him it's okay, to just do his best and that you will be there to help him in any way you can. Even if he doesn't make it through the semester, there's always the next.

I will keep you both in my prayers.