my son is regressing

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i went to observe/help with his christmas party yesterday. i have had meetings with the school and they have been tellinh me about his behaviour (not in a judgemental way, they are all only interested in his best interests and the never repremand him for his meltdowns and outbursts), i thought they were exagerating and i thought that if i was there he would be fine because i know him and can spot triggers and divert his attention etc. i am still in shock. his behaviour was like when he was much younger (then i didn't know he was autistic, i lived in scotland where there is not much information or understanding and i really thought he just hated me and i was a bad mum). usually i can get him to respond to me and to listen and get him to control his meltdowns before they occur, yesterday, he would not. he was in tears several times and i nearly was, having to fight them back, it scared me that he still acts like this in a school situation and i am just upset and confused because i thought i knew him and could always get him to respond to me.
any advice would be greatly appreciated
thank you

How old is he? Does he have ADHD and/or depression too? What meds is he on?

ASK HIM ABOUT IT!! !! !! ! DON'T BE JUDGMENTAL! Frankly, I doubt he is regressing. There is probably just something you are not seeing, or are disregarding. Unfortunately, the only way you may ever find out is to ASK HIM!

A parents job is to make judgements based on their childs actions and then take the proper actions to correct the faults.

Ask him? What planet do you live on?

thanks for your advice, but he is 6, he can't put into words what is bothering him. i have never had a conversation with him and as far as him not regressing, i have not seen this behaviour from him for years, he was doing really well for a while and its gone, he is non responsive and withdrawn and just really destressed.
he is not on any meds
as far as his diagnosis points out he does not have adhd, just high functioning autism

How long has he been going to school?

My son homeschools because just a few weeks of school had him fighting and screaming or simply sitting very quietly speaking to noone and doing nothing except when the teacher gave him painting materials.

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he has been in nursery since the age of 3, from 5-6 he was in pre-school in the us and just started kindergarten in august this year, it was all fine until then. i can't blame that school because they are awesome with him

OK, it is CLEAR that you don't know where YOU are! *I* have been subject to some of the SAME problems! If I were anyone else, half the people that did that garbage to me would be DEAD! SERIOUSLY! When is the last time YOU had kniting needles SHOVED into your ears and been beaten for it!?!? I have SERIOUSLY been there!

Unfortunately, I live on a little planet the biggest group calls EARTH, at least in the language of the portion I live in. It is FILLED with a lot of stupid people that talk just like you!

SO, if a dog rips him to shreds everytime he goes in the room, and he refuses to go there, YOU say he should be BEATEN for not listening to the teacher, in the name of discipline. I say you should ASK him, find out about the dog, remove the dog, or at LEAST limit its ability to hurt, and consider the problem solved. If there is no dog, etc... THEN you can reprimand! BTW I am over 40, but I have seen LOTS of parents, and STILL remember how I was treated as a kid.

i agree that if he was older or more able to respond to questions (whether it is about what he wants for dinner or what is upsetting him) then that would TOTALLY be my first port of call. I came on here to ask for some advice because other people may have been there and experienced the same thing and therefore be able to enrich me with their knowledge.
i do resent that "i doubt he is regressing", if he is acting in a way that he used to as a much younger child, and this behaviour dissipated and has know reemaerged, is that not regression???? maybe i am using the wrong term.
i am here for advice, not to have my parenting skills trashed.
i would love to "remove the dog" but as he cannot tell me then i do not know what the dog is.
also, i disregard NOTHING to do with my son and his development. if i was not interested in his development i would not be here asking for advice.
i don't have a lot of spare time, sitting on line all day is not how i fill my time, i'm not here for laughs or giggles or to put anyone down
I NEED HELP AND ADVICE TO HELP MY 6 YEAR OLD SON
so thank you if you have any useful advice to give

If anything is regressing, it may be your spelling ability. Listen, the kid is 6. I'm tired of hearing parents cry about their 5 and 6 yr old kids. That's what they do. And you still haven't said what he was doing. How is ANYONE supposed to help you if we don't know what he's at fault for? Also, were you REALLY paying attention to everyone else in the room with him, or just him to see when he f***s up?

Just like one of the other posters, I was a victim of my own reactions. We're the type of kids who get tormented by the rest of the class and when we react, we get punished. We see all these people "getting away with murder", but when we justifiably respond to an act of violence or maliciousness we get thrown in a cage, suspended, expelled, and even more BS from our "peers". We're not allowed to do the same things as them, and when we do, we get plenty of reasons why we're the "worst child ever".

Here's a question, maybe he's not regressing, maybe you are as a parent?

krista,

I would not consider this regression. There are times in all children's lives that things become stressful. Most pronounced times are supposedly at age 6 when they go to a more overwhelming school environment, again at middle school, when they hit puberty and then they hit high school.

Is his classroom significantly larger than preschool and nursery school? Is it possible he's having some problems with bullying? (My 3 yr old gets bullied at the park all the time, so I don't put it past kids that age.) Do you know if he has sensory needs? If he does, are they being met? Do they have PBS (positive behavioral supports)? Have they done a functional behavioral assessment? That will a lot of times tell you why he's melting down if he can't tell you himself. Then with that, they can put in supports to help him before he gets to the meltdown.

Sorry for all the questions, but it's important to know all of that before giving advice. (Foir me at least.)

Holy crap! You've had knitting needles shoved in your ears! This is probably one of the worst forms of tortures on the earth. Whoever did that BS to you needs to be strung upside down.

Oh, and were you too blind to see that he was in tears several times because you couldn't hear what they were saying about him, to him, making him feel like s**t? Your son reminds me of me during EVERY PARTY I was forced to be a part of at school from kindergarten on. There were COUNTLESS times I was belittled to the point of no return(I wonder why I hate valentine's day???).

Where you just cant control your actions anymore. Where you just want either everything to go away, or for you to burn it to the ground. I wouldn't put it past those teachers you think are doing an "awesome job" to only be pretending to care. No teacher actually cares anymore, especially about the one kid everyone else terrorizes. And you can get your son to say if someone is teasing him in a malevolent way. You just choose not to ask him the question. You lack the ability to believe your son could tell you anything about himself. He's just not smart enough right?

Last edited by Emoal6 on 20 Dec 2008, 12:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

thank you
no his class is smaller than his preschool class although the work is more demanding.
hi has one on one help a lot of the time but this seems to do nothing to help his condition, and by regression i mean that he used to be happy to do work/ finish assignments and now he just sometimes refuses, puts his hands over his eyes, runs off.
he is being observed by the school phychologist and we are in talks at the moment about whether to get him a full time aid or whether special education classes would be better for his development.
there is no bullying, his peers seem to look after him rather than single him out as different in a bad way. he really is in a supportive environment both in school and at home

DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF. "there is no bullying" is the biggest load of crap you could feed yourself. GROW UP and smell the dog s**t on your shoes. Aint no roses for kids like us. Just shows how ignorant you are of his surroundings. Remember, kids(rather nt kids) have this ability to change their appearance to adults, their attitude once they realize some threat to their activities arises. They see a teacher and quickly get quite or change their tone of voice and actions. We don't have that(at least not that young), we've been wronged and we will make sure someone notices(thus the meltdown). I wonder what your son would tell you if he actually trusted you could(AND WOULD) do something about it. My mom never asked if I was being bullied, couldnt have cared less. Are you doing the same?

no i was not too blind to see he was in tears several times, i rushed over to try and help him deal.
NOONE is teasing him.
just because of your experiences, doesn't mean that everyone has the same ones.
i understand that he can't control his actions, and why he was running away.
the teachers are doing an awesome job, one of them actually has an autistic daughter, they take time out of their schedule to have meetings with us about what is happening and possible solutions, they put us in touch withthe local diagnosis centre where we would be able to get help and info, so again, just because your teachers didn't do an awesome job and pretend to care, please don't tar everyone with the same brush.
i chose not to ask him what question? my son is smart, high functioning, so he can tell me things about himself, just not everything, he doesn't have the words to express how he feels when he is destressed.
also, why the attack on me as a parent, i am here to get help and info, i am doing EVERYTHING i can to help him, i'm sorry if you didn't have the same amount of understanding, truly i am, but please don't put me down for trying to provide my son with it
thank you