"I'm BORED!! ! What am I going to do???"

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My girlfriend's son Billy is an Aspie, and I was wondering if this was an Asperger's train.

When he and his mom are over at my place, the main thing he loves to do is to use my computer. Thanks to the suggestions of giving him an idea of how much time he has left before getting off, many a meltdown has been avoided.

However, when he wants to use the computer but can't (I have to use it sometimes), he is at a complete loss as to what to do. We usually have to suggest "You can watch TV, play on your DS, or play with your toys." If things are not suggested to him, he seems to get upset (not to the point of meltdown) and very loud. After they are suggested, he will pick one and do it gladly.

Is this pretty normal for a 9 year old Aspie?
Just curious.

Thanks!

Jim

He needs the web browser for his Nintendo DS.

My son is 11 and learned early on in his diagnosis (it's only been since age 9) that it may be too tough to expect him to come up with his own choices yet. I remember reading that you just can't always ask an Aspie for ex. "What do you want for lunch?" You may have to ask "Do you want a turkey sandwich or soup for lunch?

It makes him anxious to have to think of a gift to buy someone, think of a movie he wants to see, etc. he also doesn't like to make guesses at anything. The kiss of death is if his friend comes over and he asks my son "so what do you want to do?" He will start tearing up and just not know what to do. We always have to be ready with options.

Life is always much easier when he has choices that we give him. As he gets older, though, I notice that he is staring to able to sometimes think of things he likes or wants on his own.

you could try looking around your apartment for different things he likes to play with- take pictures of these items, and then place them onto a 8 1/2x 11 piece of paper..........the visual cues could help him possibly make a decision. I have found that each of my AS children has a different response to choice-making . My 16 year old gets very frustrated by too many options. He'd prefer to only have 3 or 4 options. My daughter, however, would like a list of 6 or 7 options.

I've found my son tends to go places with fixed plans for what he intends to do. If those plans are thwarted for any reason, he will be at a complete loss. He runs on scripts; he can't blow with the wind at all. And, yes, this is a very Aspie thing.

That the child will switch and be happy is a good thing. Some AS kids have trouble getting that far. AS kids like things to go as expected. Adaptability is generally very limited.

One thing that may help is letting the mom and child know before they come over that you will be needing to use the computer, and asking the child to formulate some ideas on what else he might enjoy doing. If he has time during a car ride, for example, to make a script, he may then come up with ideas on his own. My son sometimes plans days ahead what he will play. I have to warn him days ahead what homework is going to look like to make sure he leaves time for it in his scripts. Basically, it's a similar issue to why you need to give the warnings on when computer time will be up: a matter of expectations and scripts.

He is given plenty of warning that he will need to get off of the computer. I try to give him at least 45 minutes and occasional time checks.

He also understands that he can't spend the ENTIRE weekend on the computer, which is what he would do if we let him, as the computer is not his and given my job, I need to use it for work.

Welcome to my world, Jim!

I think it's great that while you do limit his computer time, you also are open to your son playing video games. Most parents think both are a bad idea, something about getting in the way of social skills or something. It's like taking away electronic things for an Aspie to do, is the worst thing you could do in my opinon. Well one of the worst, anyways.

That is a good idea however, the web browser for the DS is kind of slow. Not to mention, that it has trouble with things like websites using Java. Some of the best portable web browser programs I have used, have come with cell phones. It seems most of them now come with an adult website block too automatically, like you have to ask the company to turn it off to not use it. Of course, as of right now, the technology isn't available where you could play Shockwave or Flash games on the phone, and anything more advanced then that forget about it. So if the son is doing anything more complicated on the PC outside of reading bulletin boards or websites, I can see where he would feel it's limited.

Given that I am a gamer, I have no problems with him playing games in moderation. He plays online games on my computer, generally.

And yes, taking away electronics is quite the trauma for Billy... which works out well when he is misbehaving as a punishment.

Not being able to visualize alternate futures is difficult. I have to consciously stop myself before I panic and logically plan out something else. I am 25 and still learning this.

Probably. Because using the computer is in his routine, it's hard for him when he can't use it. So he is bored, probably feels restless inside and he is unable to do other things he likes because his mind is so focused on getting the computer and wondering when you are going to be finished.

Aspies like things planned so when something changes or they didn't make a plan, things go out of place for them.

Thanks for the good info!

I need to get him to understand that the computer is not his and shouldn't be the focus of the visit, which it currently is. Thus, like you said, when he can't use it, it throws him into a tizzy.

So, I'm thinking at this point of giving him a time limit like:
Friday, they gets to my place at about 6:00 and 9:30 is bed time, so Friday night night, 2 hours on the computer.
Saturday, he's there all day, so six hours.
Sunday, they leave at about 3:00 PM, so 4 hours.

Sound reasonable?

Again, I'm not only new to Asperger's, I've never been in a "father figure" role either.

I would say those time limits are more than generous.

It sounds like you are good at setting structure and limits, and keeping it consistent. Long run, he'll respond well to that.

i think you also need to remember to plan for other activities- that is, for example, remember that sometimes you *might* want to go for a ride on a Saturday, and letting him have 6 hours on the computer would be prohibitive of just about anything else you might want to do.

He will blow through four or five of those hours before noon, so no worries. I'm not a morning person.