Santa Discussion

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i'm in somewhat of a dilemma......daughter, age 10, still believes in santa. she'll be going to middle school next year, and we've decided that she really needs to know the truth about santa before then.our reasoning is primarily social- she already doesn't have friends & gets made fun of. the last thing she needs is to give the middle school girls more fuel for the fire.....she needs to know about the leprechaun, the easter bunny, and the tooth fairy too..........she is such a firm believer. i just don't know how to tell her without totally devastating her.

[Title edited by sinsboldly because all our members don't know about Santa]

i meant to add a 3rd option to the poll, but can't seem to figure out how to edit it........at any rate, the 3rd option should be: what do you mean there's no santa ?

I can't remember at what age I found out. I would just suggest being direct about it. You'll probably want to think of the questions you're likely to receive and answers to those questions.

I did a research paper on Truth and Lying because WE ARE LYING TO ARE CHILDREN IMO with this whole "Santa" thing (Yes the movies are heartwarming and he's a sweet character too. Based off of my research Psychologists at a number of University's say it's up to the parent and it doesn't traumatize them. So make of that what you will. For me writing a research paper on Lying the whole Santa Myth was my #1 IDEA for the paper and I found a HUGE article on it.

My boy is 4 and this is the first year this santa thing came up for him. He was quite afraid of someone coming into the house when we're sleeping. He also told me that reindeer don't fly and he thought that he couldn't get to play on his train simulator because 'santa' wouldn't like it.

This is how I explained Santa to him....

"Long ago there was a man named Nicholas who gave secret presents to people. Every year at Christmas people remember Saint Nicholas by giving secret presents to little boys and girls. Grown ups pretend these secret gifts are from Santa. Mommy and Daddy will give you a special "Santa gift"."
(We then explained that he didn't have to be afraid of someone sneaking in the house and that some people also pretend that the reindeer fly around the world.)

Anyway, my point is that maybe you can tell her about St. Nicholas and emphasize that she'll still get a 'santa gift''. She can help keep the secret for younger kids or even have her pretend to be Santa for someone. Let her know that Santa is all about sharing and it's meant to be fun. It's best coming from you and not from someone else.

Please let us know how it works out.

I've never been a believer.

And regardless of motive, I have never understood why lying to your children is considered to be a good idea.

BLACK SNOW!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOzjZzEhe3c[/youtube]

i remember finding out that santa wasnt real when i was about 11 and i learned that i cannot trust what people say to be true. Its a bad idea to lie about things. Just tell her the real story about st.nicholas like the other person said and explain that he died long ago and people lie that he is still alive and has flying raindear in rememberence of him.

tender age of 9

Our twelve year old ,despite starting at age six,being told he(santa) doesn't exist still believes even though he has been with us when we bought some of the presents, although who knows, as he said this year that he didn't believe a guy in a red suit comes to the house with gifts , but rather sends us(his parents) the money to get them as usually we have very little for extra things. Our eight year old told her papa this year that she just says she believes so as not to upset grandma and grandpa, but hedges her bets by making sure she is extra good near the holidays, and tonight she wanted everyone to get to bed so santa wouldn't skip the house. it could be cause two years ago she kept getting up and we fell asleep before her so never got out the presents till we got them from the car the next day and that would be a disaster if santa had to put them in the car again.

I am not a parent but I don't see what a big deal is when a child still believes in him. I have known a few grown ups who still did but I am sure they knew deep down he wasn't real but they just chose to keep the spirit.

When I was in 4th grade, there were kids in my class that still believed in him.


I also understand why you are concerned about your child still believing in it. Your child already gets bullied and you want to narrow down the list of "Reasons to bully my child" like lot of caring parents want to do.

I am surprised your child hasn't heard in her school yet Santa isn't real. I am sure she would hear other kids talking about it. That's how my brothers found out when they were in elementary school. I found out by being told by my friend when I was nine. I was relieved when she told me because it explained to me why I didn't get everything I wanted for Christmas and why I didn't get that Little Mermaid aquarium but my other friend did instead. For three years I thought Santa had made a mistake by getting our gifts mixed up and he accidently gave it to her instead of to me. It also explained to me how he fits down the chimney and how he delivered gifts to every child in one night. I wasn't upset, I was happy to have learned the truth about him.

I was a big time believer till one summer day my mother was showing some pictures to the neighborhood kids, friends of my brother's, there was a picture of me sitting on the knee of some bespectacled thin jowled Sears and Roebuck's Santa of the Christmas just past and my brother just laughed and said that I still believed in Santa. I remember my mother trying to warn my brother, but he said it again to get a laugh out of his friends that were already laughing and poking fun at me. Of course, I completely over reacted, (just because I was 9 years old didn't mean I wasn't a Drama Queen.) but I remember being very profoundly disallusioned. I understood what mom was telling me about it being the Spirit of Giving and all, but how they laughed at me, even if it was with the best intentions - just scotched it for me. I now added Santa to that story about 'when our ship comes in!'.

Merry Christmas!


Merle

Of course Santa exists, he the spirit of christmas, I do think the meaning
is lost on some, but its a time of giving & gathering, of friends and family.

I went along with the fairy tale of santa with my daughter.
She told me yesterday, that I told her Santa wasn't real and I said "no, I didn't" and she replied "yes you did." She said she didn't believe anyway but that she asked me and I told her Santa wasn't really real. So if your child is having doubts and genuinely wants to know the truth. Then no, I don't believe you should lie to them. When they are little, it's just fun.

Both my girls have been told that Santa isn't real. We got a great book about Saint Nicholas which we read before Christmas time to remind the girls how the Santa legend got started. I don't like lying to my kids... yet oddly I do the whole tooth fairy thing because for some reason the tooth fairy seems less wrong, perhaps because the tooth fairy is not linked in my mind to rampant consumerism.

ETA - my girls 3yo and 5yo and we've never pretended Santa is real with them.