Question about who to tell and when/why not to...

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My 11 year-old daughter has not been officially diagnosed yet. I feel very isolated and am wanting to discuss her issues with people in my community. It is a very small town however and people are prejudice to those that are different. My daugther doesn't want anyone to know she will be undergoing evaluation. She attends psychotherapy and we haven't disclosed this to our friends/neighbors either. When did you or have you disclosed this information and how do you think it affected your relationships with friends, acquaintances? Did you leave it up to your child to disclose? I know she is old enough to know the truth once we have a better handle on it. I would like to be able to discuss issues with others in the community however, like a Special Ed. PTA. My daugher if diagnosed would be I believe mild, her main issues are depression and mood. I don't want her to feel even more of an outcast of singled out with a "label" from the community, especially since most people don't see her as that at this point. Any suggestions?

i think you really need to be careful about who you tell & how you tell them.......i live in a fairly large community, and there's been repercussions from my telling others- not that i told the entire town, but my entire neighborhood knows, and i didn't tell them. gossip goes everywhere.
we started out with good intentions & only chose to tell those directly involved with son's life- teachers, scout leader, soccer coach. somewhere, somehow news got around. one of the hardest things to control about telling others is making sure they understand/accept the dx. we had so many different versions of the truth roaming around . son was very disturbed by the gossip- he still is.
in retrospect, i should've told fewer people. live and learn i guess

I think you're description of the area you live in will be your main guide. It suggests that it can harm your daughter for people to know and, so, they shouldn't.

I would rather not say that, because I haven't hid my son's diagnosis from pretty much anyone. But I live in a very different place. People are very accepting here. Actively so, lol. It's a point of self-image to be "inclusive." So, I know I can gain patience and understanding for my son by disclosing. No one has ever held it against him, belittled him for it, or anything of the sort.

At your daughter's age, her opinion should carry, as well. Most of our disclosures were before my son was old enough to understand. To him, now, it's just the way it is, and he's fine with it. But I do check in with him at this age, if it comes up with someone new. There is that age where they really, really need to feel they have control over certain things, and we should give them that.

I appreciate you taking the time to respond and agree and see your points. I guess for now I will get my support from this board, truly it's the only avenue of support for me at this time.

unless ur daughter has a more severe case i dont think you should tell anybody. aspergers is so misunderstood by everyone because of how the media stereotypes peple with AS and if you tell people it will probably do more harm than good. No one including myself knew i had aspergers until a few weeks ago and i suspect my dad and brothers have it too. its usually not necessary to tell ppl, it wil ldo more harm than good, and alot of time ppl dont like to be treated differently in school because of it.