Separation Anxiety?

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School holidays here in Australia. My daughters have been on holidays since 16th Dec.

My NT daughter starts school on 2nd Feb and HFA daughter (4yo) starts back at PreSchool 14th Feb.

I've noticed that HFA is having escalating separation anxiety issues over the last few weeks.

She will no longer go to the toilet alone and asks her sister, dad or I to walk to the toilet with her at home and then stay close by - she was wanting us to stay in the room with her but I've slowly been stepping a little further away whilst staying close and talking to her.

Going out in the car has become a bit of a nightmare. HFA daughter does not want to get in the car, then when she is in she starts to get anxious about everyone else getting into their seats straight away. I have to buckle her in and she is screaming and fighting me to get into my seat. So far I'm doing her joint compressions, talking calmly to her before, during and after about exactly what is happening "Mummy and Heidi are going to the car, Heidi will get in the car and Mummy will buckle Heidi in. When Heidi is buckled in then Mummy will get in the car".

If we stop at the top of the drive to put rubbish out or check the mail box then Heidi gets very anxious and upset and tries to climb out the car window. Same at petrol stations, although yesterday we had great success with her staying in the seat beside her sister and I talked to them through the open window whilst putting petrol in the car - she still got out when I was finished and came inside with me to pay.

My NT daughter and the OT have both suggested doing a social story would help with the car stuff but I'm drawing a creative blank.

I'm not sure if it is separation anxiety or just anxiety about what is happening because while holidays are on there is no routine?

We've got a picture schedule on the fridge to help her know what is going on. I've got a count down calendar for the start of school for my NT daughter and once school starts we can put up the countdown calendar to the start of PreSchool.

I think you are facing a version of a common problem at this age and with these life changes. It's anxiety, it's a need for security ... it's many things, I guess.

With my son I've found that giving him what he needs in the short term makes it most likely we can get things back to "normal" in the long term. I'm always careful to say WHY I'm being so attentive, and that there will be an end to the EXTRA attention, and then I give it to him. Once he feels secure, he is more able to more beyond it.

I realize it isn't that easy to apply in real life, but that's the tact I would take - do your very best to find the needs and meet them, even if it's a step back.

Thank you DW_a_mom.

Is reassuring to know other parents experience this.

Will keep up with the toileting approach which is to go with her but very slowly scale back how close we stay - whilst continuing to keep verbal contact.

Might have to rethink the car thing. It is difficult on school holidays to find other times to check the mail and get petrol but we should be able to work it so we do those things when she is not in the car.

we've been having seperation anxiety issues here as well....daughter doesn't want me to go anywhere without her. in fact, when i have, she's called my cell phone numerous times crying hysterically ( she's 10, btw)................
i'd try to stick to as much of your regular routine as possible while you're on vacation- i've noticed it takes some time before daughter settles back into a routine after having been off the routine for awhile