My nine-year-old is freezing up at school and crying

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I am not sure what to do. My nine-year-old, "J." is in the "accelerated" program. The class is very, very structured. His teacher is pretty inflexible, in my opinion, which I have posted about elsewhere.

He seems to be just freezing up and not doing anything. Here is a note I received today:

He has had several crying fits this morning. First was doing the spelling test. He completed one sentence and then quit. After the spelling test we go to computers, today was a typing day for the memoir. J. was stuck on paper orientation details. Both Mrs. Z and I placed the curser for him and simply asked him to type. I told him any spacing issues could be fixed later. I just needed him to get the words on the paper. He did four words for the 1/2 hour. J. cried during art. He seems to be having a difficult time problem solving how to get started with work and work within the routine of the classroom.

We have been discussing taking him out of the gifted program because, although his IQ is really good in one area, his processing speed is slow. Unfortunately, he has friends in this class. And, we don't want to move him in the middle of the semester, and he has said he doesn't want to move in the middle of the semester. I get the strong sense the teacher wants him out of the class because he is more work.

I am not sure what accomodations we should seek for this situation, and I have a hard time getting him to tell me what the problem is. Stressful, and I feel really bad, like I've put him in a situation that doesn't work for him.

I was given the choice after 2nd grade, whether to stay in the advanced class or go in the regular class. I chose regular.
My test scores put me in the advanced class, but I just didn't handle it well. Too much pressure, too much work, too many expectations.

Sounds a lot like the conundrum my son, age 11, ended up in this year. He is, simply, overwhelmed. Too much to do, never enough time. He's starting to short circuit, and finding good answers is, well, impossible.

Do you know that in our district advanced classes don't have to accommodate work load or assignment size, since a potential answer is to move the child to a "lower" class? UGH. Same problem here as you are seeing - the idea of trying to change mid-year is more stressful than trying to do the work.

The right answer, in my opinion, is to stay in the advanced classes but to have lower expectations on work product. Work product is the problem, not information or ideas.

Does your son have any physical issues with writing or using his hands? My son does. It's painful. He gets so tired. And all forms of writing are really multi-task functions, which can be very difficult for our kids, who tend not to be able to multi-task. Typing goes a bit easier, but age 9 is a little young to manage it well, and the disconnect between the screen and the board is difficult for some kids, like my son - the Alphasmart has been MUCH better. The screen is by the keyboard, and the keyboard is smaller, more suitable to young hands.

To consider:

1) Looking into substituting an Alphasmart
2) Requesting that more work be allowed to be performed orally - my son thinks like a wiz when he is able to move and finger things and TALK out his work, instead of writing it.

When a child hits the wall, it's time to change the assignment, in my opinion. And it sounds like your son has hit a wall. The teachers need to get more creative and adaptive.

Have you considered homeschooling? My 9 year old homeschools, and learns the whole of the syllabus doing about an hour's work a day.

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Hmm, I still freeze up sometimes.

Here's what I do:

1. Keep my blood sugar normal. Is he eating a good breakfast? Something full of protein, complex carbs and fiber like oatmeal?

2. When I freeze up, leave the situation. I go to the bathroom, go grab a magazine and read in a quiet room for a while. Luckily I am able to do this at any time, even at work.

3. Be mindful. When I'm doing a task, when there's a million other things to do, I repeat in my head "I am averaging the monthly stats right now. I am averaging the monthly stats right now". It helps me stay grounded in what I'm doing so I don't get overwhelmed with everything else I need to get done that day.

If your teacher does not allow him some break time off the rigid schedule, I would recommend moving him out of there.

Thank you for these excellent and helpful responses. I spoke with my son about what happened today, and he had reasons for everything he did.

1. He got upset in art because the teacher wouldn't let him sharpen his pencil, and when she asked him why he wasn't working he said he just didn't say anything.

2. When he was keyboarding, he told me there was a glitch in the program that produced multiple spaces when he it the spacebar, and he wasn't able to see beyond that

3. He told me that with the spelling test she was going to fast, so he just quit.

We were excited about the class in part because he seemed to be socially integrating, but he told me today that he is back to playing by himself at recess, and his friends have been moved to other tables.

It is very unlikely that the teacher will show creativity or adaptability. I have observed the class for eight hours, and it is not a flexible place, nor is she a particularly flexible person. Granted, she has a lot of students. I remember that when there was even light chatter in the room she got pretty worked up about it.

The funny thing is that last year, in the regular class, when my son was having several crying jags a days and even gave a kid a bloody nose (wrestling over a toy because of a misunderstood rule), his teacher rarely complained or told us anything.

We are leaning strongly towards moving him to a regular class in the next week or so, which will be physically closer to our home. This is due in part to my strong sense that the teacher won't go for any accomodations, because she has too much of her identity wrapped up in being the keeper of standards for the gifted program.

Oh, also we are having my son tested for dysgraphia, and it is obvious that there is a problem there as well. The thing is, this instructor loooooooves handwriting instruction. It's like the foundation of her classroom.

Sigh.

Sounds a lot like me in school.
I can identify with the difficulty he seems to be having communicating with his teachers.

No wonder the councilor had reservations about placing me in the accelerated classes even though I tested into them.

I froze up and spaced out all the time in the regular classes.

It sounds to me like he needs an alternative classroom environment, preferably one with not so many students. Maybe home school, or a home school group. Where I live, there is one called "The Real School", and a lot of the kids who participate are kids who would have difficulty in the public school system. Maybe there is something like that in your area.

I imagine that simply placing him in regular classes will come with it's whole set of problems too...and simply the transition to the new environment might be hard. It always was for me.

you need to seriously think about moving him to a different classroom.......you don't say whether or not he has an IEP. does he ?

He has a 504, but the school psychologist said he didn't quite qualify for an IEP. However, a local university researcher said he was "dumbfounded" at how the school shrink could come up with that conclusion given the data.

Anyway, my son keeps coming up with creative ways to tell his teacher that he hates her, so I guess we are going to get him out of there and ride the rough patches that will come from switching classrooms mid-term.

Oh, dear, it sounds like the problem isn't the class but the teacher. If he's telling her he hates her, well, he hates her. He probably just freezes up when she walks past him. Poor guy.

I think you're doing the right thing in moving him to a class closer to home. He needs to be out of there because he's melting down-that's what those crying spells are. Maybe next year revisit the IEP issue.

Good luck to you and your guy.