imitation/ocd

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Hi Everyone,
I am a mom with 5 kids.2 are on the spectrum,on somewhat opposite ends . both my husband and I have alot of similar traits as well.I was dx'd with add.
I was wondering if anyone can offer some insight into why my 12 y/o daughter is so insistant on doing everything her 8 y/o sister does.My daughter is considered high functioning.Her willingness and ability to coomunicate with us has really increased since I removed her from her placement in an autism classroom.She used to ignore her sister for the most part,but ever since she has been home she has to wear what her sister wears,brush her hair the same way,sometimes she even takes bites of food in tandom with her sister.This can cause many tantrums when she cannot do things exactly like her sister,it is also making her sister a bit nuts.I asked her why and she says it is because her sister is beautiful and perfect,but further in the conversation I find she has always copied others,which accounts for some of her behavior at times,we just did not know what was going on.I still do not know why.We tell her she is also beautiful and perfect.She says she is not.I remember how hard I tried to "fit in"never really made it.Any ideas on how I can help her?
Maybe we overdid it with the imitation drills when she was little?
theresa

Hmm, not a parent so not sure what to suggest. But, two things I can see. 1. It calms her(it comforts her and is something she can use when she doesnt know what to do). 2. She is envious of her sister who may be receiving more attention because she is less functioning.

many auties & aspies work on a plethera of skills by imitating others' actions~ I work with a lower-functioning population, and see copying all of the time. ( when student A. picks green paper, then student B. & C. do the same........when you ask a question, like What's the weather like outside today ?, you often get the same response from several individuals even though when the response was first given, the teacher explained that it was an incorrect answer.)
now, having said all of that~ i know it's not easy to be at home with kids and explain to them why they have to be just a little more patient with the "aspie kid".....imitation does not always seem the most sincere form of flattery....it sounds like your daughter is stuck in this pattern, and it will take some doing to get her "unstuck". what happens if you calmly redirect her or your other daughter to a different task while the copying is occuring ? have you tried to explain to your aspie daughter that your other daughter doesn't like the extra attention? how about a social skills story that would address this problem ?
as far as the " i'm not pretty syndrome", that's a tough one. my son says that i just say that to make him feel better. what can you do, but say it anyways and love them just the same ?

Not exactly sure from your post which sister is copying which. However I agree it sounds like she is just imitating what she perceives as normal behavior. For example, I hate coffee and have never been into Starbucks, but if I for example my wife asked me to get her something from there, I would go in and wait for someone to go ahead of me. I would watch exactly what they did and probably order exactly what they did. The stress of trying to figure out how to order, what to order, and trying to look normal all at the same time is just too much. I think since most Aspies don't really know what is "Normal" but there is so much pressure to fit in, a lot of us simply imitate others that we know are accepted. I can tell you specifically what aspects of my personality are taken from TV/Movie characters and people I have known. In fact, most of my speech (writing is different for some reason) is comprised of phrases copied from other people. If its younger sis copying older sis, I think that's fairly common (my lil brother drove me nuts), but I'm sure an Aspie little sis is capable of taking it to new levels of frustration.