Should I be concerned??

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Hi everyone! It's been a while since I posted. I have a son with the dx of PDD-NOS, most likely Aspergers. He is 5 years old and in kindergarten.

My question today is about my 3 1/2 year old. I've never really thought he was on the spectrum, but I'm having some concerns. He will not potty train. He cannot just naturally go to the bathroom, and never has. He strains and strains to go, and sometimes can force it. Then he just ends up going on the floor.

He also falls down a lot and is very clumsy. He is super sweet and his language is and always has been wonderful. He is sweet to the point where he is too easily bullied by his big brother.

Does anyone else think these things warrent a work up by the DP? OR am I over-sensitive to these things because one of my kids is on the Spectrum?

Also wanted to add that he will NOT let me have his hair cut. This normally gentle child has to be forcefully held down and will BITE to try to get away like you're killing him. Same with trimming his nails, going to the doctor, checking his temps. I thought he would've outgrown this by now.

Any advice would be great!

-Erin

It's still so early, really. The biggest obstacles, the ones that everyone wants early intervention for, don't seem to be an issue. A work up won't help with potty training, or not liking certain things. My (I think) NT daughter could be difficult at age 3, too. She STILL won't let me cut her nails or brush her hair, but she did potty train - and had accidents all the way up through K. Sometimes I've wondered if I might have missed AS in her, too - it would present so differently in a girl than it does in my son - but then I check off the life skills she is acquiring and think about the areas that worry me with her and realize that, well, it doesn't look AS, and the accommodations and therapies we have for our son wouldn't do much for her. What IS going on with her, the worrying parts, heck, I don't know, still working on that. Maybe nothing. We are programmed to worry about our kids.

If they are doing most of what they need to do and are happy, well, I think that's what we shoot for.

i'd be most concerned with the clumsiness & falling down.......if this happens to a great extent, then you should be having him checked out by your pediatrician......could be regular toddler clumsy, might not be

If only to ease your nerves I would take him to the doctor with your concerns.

Let them know about the bathroom thing, probably not good to have to strain all the time. (even if they only say feed him more bread, or something.)

The clumsy/falling down might even be stuffed up ears, take him in, make sure everything is good medically.

At least if you take him you would have a better idea of what to watch for as well.

I would go for a work up, because your child sounds EXACTLY like mine at that age. We're getting official results this week but he's been getting OT for Aspergers because the OT, Pediatrician, school OT, social worker, and speech therapist all think that that's what he has (but they won't give me a 'final' answer until tomorrow...the reports are already completed though). To note, too, my son really never showed any definitive signs until he was about 4, and it wasn't until he went to school that the social issues and noise issues became apparent, because at home there weren't any noise or social issues to contend with.

Maybe this will help with the potty training?......at that age, I finally got my son potty trained by rewarding him with m & m's every time he used the potty successfully. Not a bag, but one or two candies. I got a lot of guff for that at the time but that's still the most successful incentive for him at home and at school now.

good luck with everything! i truly hope it goes well for you.

The thing about that is that you only gave him one or two. And, to paraphrase what wiser parents than I am have observed, no kid is going to go his whole life needing a reward every time he uses the toilet. You have to start somewhere.

OP: it's hard to tell at this age what is normal. Some kids are just stubborn as heck. They make everything a battle. Really. The trick is to keep the pressure low whenever possible, that is, not to let it become something they can stand pat on. That said, I don't know that this is the case. Since he's having physical problems, he should see a doctor anyway. It's a big change.

I just tried to get my 2 1/2 year old to sit on a toddler sized potty seat on the toilet and she screamed her head off. So I pulled her diaper and pants back up and we left the bathroom. Some might think that's letting her scream her way out of it, but she has older siblings. Sooner or later she'll want to copy them, maybe want some real panties like her sister, then I'll have some leverage. Meanwhile, I'll keep up the chatter, keep mentioning potties here and there and how she'll be using them, never let the matter get too far from her mind for long. I also know this is a society where things like this are hurried, where it is suggested your kid is not normal if they don't do certain things by a certain time. Well, my oldest got this same long term training and she only ever wet the bed once. Her brother took almost two years longer to complete his and he still needs pull-ups at night but when he is conscious he needs no help at all.

Didn't mean to rant about toilet training, sorry. I couldn't help remembering this chick who saw my toddler in a store and asked her age (just 2 at the time) and whether she was potty training, and seemed frankly shocked when I said she wasn't. Honestly, at 2? I was only just thinking it over by that age.

Good luck. My 7 year old son is a lot like yours and has a school diagnosis of AS and ADHD, for what a school diagnosis is worth. He's been refused at haircut places because he started whipping his head around when he sat down. I actually quit going to the cheapest haircut place around not because of the quality but because I was told that the bribes I reserve for haircuts (really, even more than doctors and dentists, I must bribe for haircuts. I don't bribe lightly, either) which I mentioned to him every time he would jump off the chair and bolt meant I was being too soft. The lady told me every single time I went in there that she would put her kids in the chair and they would sit and get their hair cut or they'd be in big trouble. But at 3, he had no notion of consequences. Who does? Joke's on her, I tip well and she isn't getting a penny of it now.

My 11 year old daughter, who is still being assessed, was thrown out of a 3-year-old ballet class for not sitting nicely (I still have fantasies of hunting that woman down) and once almost castrated a hospital tech who was trying to take a blood sample when she was 5 (she has long legs and large feet, like an ostrich). So I've been there.

Oh, the blood sample was for Hepatitis A which is sometimes passed among school children, which she got in kindergarten. I recommend asking about the vaccine. Her blood was tested repeatedly until her liver was again at full functioning, and we all got shots due to contact.

Thanks for the advice, everyone . I just scheduled an appointment with the DP, but they don't have any openings until July . They put us on a cancellation list.

I've tried everything with the potty training. My almost 2 year old sits very nicely on the potty. He doesn't go yet, but he likes to pretend, perfect for his age. My older son who has a dx on the Autism spectrum, was completely potty trained by 3 1/2, and had been going on the potty off and on for a while before that.

I'm concerned about my middle son because he has NEVER gone to the potty naturally, only if he forces it out. So M&Ms, toys, promises, bribes, cajoling, has never ever worked. This is why I worry.

Hopefully we'll get some advice from his pediatrician!

Thanks again.

Red, my son was difficult to train also, b/c chronic constipation. His pediatrician worried that constipation would cause (was causing) behavior issue with bathroom training, lead to withholding and extended bowel syndrome. She wanted to get him regular (on Miralax) first and then worry about training. It was very useful to have her support and we were successful, albiet a little slow with his potty training.

Oh, I forgot about that, yeah my (now 7 year old) when he was starting was having issues with constipation as well, I remember that the doctor had us sneaking a little bit of mineral oil into his sippy cup for a little while to make it "easier" for him to go.