Any parents with adult AS/HFA children? Need advice.

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I am an adult on the autism spectrum and have had to rely on my father and stepmother financially as my income is not sufficient to meet all of my expenses. My father and stepmother have retired and thus income has been reduced significantly. I got into a huge fight with my father since I have trouble keeping my apartment neat and now having a roommate will become a necessity. If you have adult children with AS/HFA do they live with other people? I am terrified of getting a roommate because I don't think I can "act normal" in my own home. Sometimes I do weird things like dance around or listen to the same CD several times in a row. I laugh out loud when something strikes me as funny and this is when I think of something funny. I don't know what to do because my Dad has demanded that I become neat and organized and get a roommate.

painful as it seems, you are probably going to have to keep at least the shared sections of your apartment clean, if you get a roommate. hopefully you have more than a one-bedroom apartment, and you will be able to keep your own room to yourself.

Have you considered getting a 2nd job, changing jobs or asking for overtime at your current job? You should be able to support yourself. Many of us do all the time. I live alone and have only had a roommate/fiancee for one year. It sucked because she also seemed to be on the spectrum and expected me to do all the housework and all the shopping.

Have you considered maybe you should stop twirling around the room? Maybe being forced to get a roommate will make you grow up some. As Aspies get older they do normally learn to control their weird behaviors. Yes twirling around the room if you are a guy is going to get you in hot water with a roommate. Most likely he will learn to dominate you when he sees such behavior. Best thing you can do is find a way to make more money so you don't need to get a roommate. And if your expenses exceed your income maybe you need to adjust how you live your life. Eat cheap foods, go to the food banks if you have to, don't eat out or order pizza delivery, don't buy dvds and video games, conserve your water and electricity so utility bills aren't so high. This is part of life. Many people have to do that AS and NT alike.

Is there any way you can become self-sufficient without getting a roommate? Maybe reduce your expenses. Has your dad been giving you a set amount of money each month?

I've known NTs who've had a similar arrangement with their parents. It's not that they couldn't survive without the stipend, it's just that they wanted to live above their means.

I think dancing around is great, not weird. However some people can't cope with someone who's not a sheeple, so the trick might be to find someone who works in special ed and is used to varient behaviour.
One reason I like going to Rwanda so much is I can be myself, like clapping and squealing with delight at some seedling trees that are growing successfully. The Rwandans don't think, or at least don't say, gee, you're weird, they think, she's American. They don't expect me to mirror every one of their behaviours. And they act like they love me as much as I love them. And of course, they like that I love research.
Oh, so would having a foreigner as a roommate work out?
I don't know. Luckily I never had a roommate besides my sister and my husband. My daughter has had a number of roommates, and every single one of them cheated her. She has ADD and so only wants to hang around "exciting" people.
You don't want to fight with your dad. You want to ask him, Help me figure out how to make this happen. You local ARC or autism society might know of someone decent looking to share an apartment.
I don't know if a single thing I said here is useful, but I do wish you well.

Hi autisticstar - I have a 22 year old son(AS) and a 20 year old daughter(AS) who have their own places. They both have longterm girlfriend/boyfriends(ironically turns out both are AS - and very talented) but do not live with them. They both moved out initially to be nearer their academy/university. It took some adjusting, but economically, they know they are far better off sharing with others. Thankfully, people are as accepting of them as they are of others. They've found it can be alot of fun and has many benefits. Their bedrooms are their 'sanctuary' . While he studied at the ACM, my son shared an amazing house(even had a jacuzzi!) with 4 other students. It worked out really well - they used a roster and were very supportive of one another. From there, my son's dream was to live and work in London. He's achieved that, but wouldn't be able to afford it if not for accepting the fact that he would have to share a place with others. He works full-time and also supplements his income by teaching guitar.

My son is very tidy and cleanly, always has been since a young child(as am I). We both need order in our lives I guess. My daughter will admit, she is not so tidy, but as other posters have said of themselves, she knows where everything in her room is, it simply appears a little on the chaotic side to others(if they dare to enter:)! They both found that drawing up a roster for cleaning works well.

Losing the freedom of having your own place all to yourself will take some adjusting. But, if it's truly necessary, then, there are definite positives. You may actually make a good friend or two, and you may find yourself enjoying doing those dishes and wanting to put an effort into keeping the living areas presentable. I hope though, that you never feel that you cannot be yourself in your own home. If you're self conscious, perhaps dance when they're not home with you or dance in your room. They may even dance with you:)! Why not listen to your music(via ipod/headphones) while you clean. Why should you break those habits you enjoy when you're not hurting anyone. They're probably how you're used to unwinding and destressing, and they make you happy.

My daughter's having to face finding a new place for September in Southhampton and is seeking others to share with her. So far, she has recruited her best friend, a male(AS) who is far quirkier than her and alot of fun! He is doing the same course. They will dance no doubt:)! I hope it works out wonderfully for you and that the positives of sharing, outweigh the negatives.

The thought of a roommate may seem overwhelming, but maybe it will prove positive for you. I left home at 16. Best thing that ever happened to me.