I am just frazzled today

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Is it ok if I talk about my non-AS child? I know some of the AS people here also had ODD so maybe they will have some insight to this as well. I am just so tired, ya know? Its like we do everything every therapist says, use every med, get the school to do exactly what they should and he just does not respond. He is hateful. He is ugly. He truly, no exaggerating here, appreciates NOTHING. His life is basically a "what can YOU do for ME" today thing and if you don't do exactly what HE wants then you're dirt to him and get treated like it. Its like dealing with a 2yo - which I happen to have a 2yo as well, and the 2yo is nicer to me and more reasonable than ODD 10yo. I don't expect him to agree with everything I say, be my slave, etc. He can have his feelings. I just am tired of being called names (stupid, ret*d, etc), told he's going to shove so and so up my nose when he's finally big enough to take me (which will eventually happen). I'm tired of the CONSTANT lying (if he tells me the sky is blue I have to double check, its that bad) and attempts to create power struggles. It seems like no matter how much we try to eliminate them and give him open choices with natural consequences he tries to find a way to turn it upside down and make the struggle between us anyway. He hates any form of work on his part and spends so much time trying to circumvent it that if he'd have just done it in the first place he would have already gotten what he was trying to get LONG before he gets it doing it the circumvention way.

We are consistent. We have in-home therapy, case managers galore, good teachers, etc. I just don't know what else to do. Today when he threatened me I took the one present that I had gotten for him myself without his dad out from under the tree and told him I was donating it to a child whose parents were poor and couldn't give him much of anything, but treated their parents with decency anyway - that child DESERVED IT, NOT HIM - that there was no way in heck I was going to reward him when he treats me so badly. That does not mean I'm taking away Christmas. He will still have his other presents, but NOT this one.

I just hate this situation. He has an older brother (17) who we have already lost. He also has ODD. (BTW their bio-mom is a drug addict - I'm sure that's relevant) He stopped living with us after he tried to attack my DH and then pulled a knife on his grandmother. (Egads! Do I sound like some talk show yet?) I did not want to lose this one as well, but I don't see it going any other way. When this child becomes big enough that I cannot adequately defend myself I will live everyday in fear. I cannot do that. I promised God that I would try to help this child. I said I would not give up. I don't want to give up. I just don't know what else to do. Dealing with him makes me feel like an awful person. You can't do anything nice for him. He sees your kindness as weakness - so you remain distant for fear of your love being used against you yet again. That's no way to live with a child.

Sorry so long. I am very sad today. What a post for you guys to see from a newbie! I'm so sorry. My AS child's comment to me was "I don't know why he (10yo) keeps acting like such an idiot." The AS one is the one that has best adjusted over the years. I never thought that would be the case, he was the "slow" one, but there it is. His IQ is on the lower end of average, so my AS 14yo is not the so called "genius" that the 2 ODD kids are with their high IQs and brainpower, but my AS one is the ONLY ONE who gets real life and adjusts to it. It might be a slower adjustment than an NT person might have and his perspective can be truly unique, but BY GOSH he adjusts! I really appreciate that. So there's my ending on a positive note!! :p Any chocolate offering you might have are appreciated.

Wow. And I thought I was having a hard time. I wish that I was a parent of such kids, just so that I could help you out. Unfortunatley, I don't have any kids, so I can't help. I wish that I could.

you sure do have your hands full...my AS son was quite like you're explaining, that is, until he actually started to get some sleep. as it turns out, he wasn't sleeping more than 4 hours a night ~ although i tried repeatedly to tell the drs that he wasn't sleeping, they just wouldnt listen....finally one dr listened, and the results are AMAZING ! don't get me wrong, he is still a bear at times...but definitely more able to cope now that he's sleeping. hang in there.

Here you need my bag of hershey kisses and pb cups more than I do
*hands over big bag of chocolate*


I don't know if this will help but my friend has an ODD son and when he ran out of meds was pretty bad for awhile. (moved, doctor would'nt call in refill - big mess!)

She called the police and explained her situation and her son's threats and the happily agreed to "arrest" him for a night and treat him just like any other criminial. Not overnight but he was there for the evening and decided it was not a good experience. They made clear that he would find himself there much longer if the threats to mom continued. It helped. He still was aggressive and argumentative and all that but the threats stopped at least.

Maybe you could find someone to do the same? Or maybe admitting him to the hospital would help?

I really don't have any BTDT advice. But my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kelly

((gentle hugs and huge bags of M&Ms))

Its totally alright to vent here. If nothing else, we can listen.

My older non-AS child was dx ODD when 7, was kicked out of school at 11, was arrested at 12 and now, at 14 is an almost perfect child. Weird!

His p-doc feels the turn around is a combination of maturing and the right combo of meds. Don't give up and don't give in as you never know what is around the corner.

You might also consider visiting the support forums at
www.conductdisorders.com

BeeBee

Gosh what a hard situation! BIG HUGS to you. I'd give you all my best Christmas chocolate, but ds snuck it all last night and ate it during his bath. Can you believe that! And they were truffles, too!! So, all I have left are Hersey's kisses to give you. Oh! And I have some yummy bourbon balls!

Thanks so much everyone. School is out tomorrow and I just told DH that I needed him to get the GPs to take 10yo because I am not over this enough to handle him properly all day. The last thing I need to do is lose it anymore and make things worse. GPs aren't always the best, but they are the only fall back I have at this point. With three others to take care of I just don't want us held hostage here all day.

Ster - we had wondered about the sleep issue. His doc just added something non-addictive as a sleep aid to his meds about 3 weeks ago. We've also had all the other meds upped as well. This doc is conservative and takes things slowly. I appreciate that since we've had one that would just pile on super amts of med to start and he'd have such bad reactions.