Parents who are TOO bossy

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I hate parents who force a certain hair or clothing style on their kid, or force them to give away a toy they're "too old for". Do you?

LOL I thought this was another one those spoiled brat threads where kids hate being punished because they don't want to follow rules and behave so one of them was throwing a tantrum about it.


I do hate it when my mother still tries to tell me how to live my life such as telling me to cut back on my Benny & Joon because I am "doing it too much."

I've noticed some parents try to force their kids to grow up fast and I think it's wrong. There were lot of kids in my school who had those kind of parents so they thought they were too old for toys and stuff and didn't consider themselves "children" anymore. So what happened, they regressed such as jumping in mud puddles and taking toys to school. My mother told me that was why they were doing it.

The problem is, hardly any parents are at the "right" level of perfect anymore. When a parent is at the "right" level of perfect, he/she is very kind to his/her child, but still gives the child boundaries, teaches the child manners and advises the child to do certain things the way the parents want them to do it. I've ended up with two absolutely perfect parents, especially my mother, who ABA-ed me out of my low functioning autism in a way that 98% of mothers would never dream of doing.

Parents rule.

My evil daughter age 16 wants an eye brow ring.
Mom said no.
Jokingly I said, yes. If I get to install it.

/*
insert mental picture of daddy with a dirty awl, and no anasthesia,
and a very frightened looking teen.
*/

When she hits 18, I will reconsider, lol

Parents should have a say, to a point. I mean, there are health issues (ie, tanning, body piercing, tattoos). I'm not against teens having an image, as long as they understand the consequence of what they are saying to the general public. We also don't expect our rules/restrictions to make our kids happy (just keep them safe or respectful). Short shorts and belly/halter tops sends the wrong message to men, so we won't buy them. But we can't stop our teen from buying them with her own money, so we ask her to consider the environment she'll be in when she dresses. And on some occasions, we have had to lay down the law (church, for example). I don't forbid her low-rise jeans, but she knows I will embarass her every time I see crack. LOL. I think that makes her more careful. When our son wanted a mohawk, our compromise was to allow him to wear a faux-hawk during the summer with the condition that he'd cut it before school. Is that too strict? I don't think so.

My husband's mom used to play the dirtiest trick on him when he was young. She told him she could get his haircut however he wanted (this was in the 80s when crazy "Flock of Seagulls" hairdos were all the rage), then when he left to ride his bike to the hair salon, she would call the hairdresser and tell her to just cut his hair like he usually had it no matter what he asked for, and not to say anything. For years my DH would come home from the hair salon with his boring conservative haircut, feeling completely frustrated, but too polite to criticize the lousy job that he thought the hair dresser was doing. Needless to say, when he finally figured out what was going on he wasn't too happy (although he laughs about it now).

I consider that a great example of what not to do!

I wouldn't force a certain hairstyle or clothing on my kids. And I think my DH and I will be pretty relaxed about whatever styles they choose when they're older...although there are certain things we would discourage (i.e. body modifications that you're stuck with forever, anything unsafe or that has particularly negative cultural context).

And considering the fact that my husband has an office full of Lego and comics, and I have more than my fair share of Harry Potter paraphernalia...I can't imagine taking a toy away because I think my kids are too old for it.

I don't force style choices or toy choices on my kids, although I do hold veto power.

I haven't had to use my veto power, however - I have two kids who don't care a lick about fashion and want to wear very classic styles simply because that is what appeals to them. We're actually trying to convince them a little fashion wouldn't hurt, particularly since my son's best friend is pressuring him to dress a little trendier, and he hasn't suggested anything objectionable, just stuff like, "you're not supposed to tuck your shirt in!" and "those shoes aren't cool" (the later being my fault, because my son cares only if they fit, but since his hikers are apparently "cool" enough, we've settled on buying him more of those). We figure this friend, who is quite popular, does an amazing job of standing up for our AS child (he has told kids that he won't be friends with them if they aren't nice to our son) and that if it would make him happy to have our son dress a little more fashionably, why not? But, ultimately, it's our son's choice. We lobby, but we don't force.

Hair, my son likes classic and my daughter wants to be Cousin It. Her, we're working on; I worry it's going to get her teased (she says she doesn't care - and this is my NT child, believe it or not) and, well, as I tell her, it projects badly on me if we can't even keep her hair brushed.

As for toys, it's their choice, beginning to end, we just lobby.

Parents have enough battles to fight with kids. Why sweat the unimportant stuff?

My parents, and my sister who often joined in, were this way with me for a big part of my life. One example was when my parents decided I should start swimming. They basically forced me into the pool whenever my sister went, which really upset me. I just wanted to do my thing but they wouldn't accept that. 4 summers were spent as what I call being my sister's swim slave and it really hurt. They told me if I kept doing it, I'd learn to like it and I had to like it because everyone does, plus it would give me a whole new life of lots of friends, popularity, better grades, and anything I could ever want, but none of it could happen and my life would be filled with misery if I continued to not like swimming.

Another was what alot of WP members call "Forced Socialization." When I was in college I lived at home with my parents. My sister was going to move out of state to go to graduate school, but decided to try to get into medical school instead, so she ended up staying home. For some reason, my sister came up with this new thing that she wanted me to go alot of places with her, like to the library, to the mall, etc. I never understood why she felt I had to go with her but since it upset her that I didn't always want to go, my parents would pressure me to with her whenever she wanted me to. I preferred staying in, but she liked going out, and that caused alot of friction.

At one point, my parents told me if I stayed in too much and didn't go out more, I'd end up "warped" and unable to function in society. They even threatened to have me committed if I didn't want start wanting to go out more so I could get "straightend out," whatever that means. The result was when my sister wanted me to go with her, I had to go too, and most of the time wasn't good enough, it had to be 100%. I remember I had gone several places with her one week and one evening, some friend of her's wanted to go to a bar and I didn't want to. My parents didn't force it, but they had a meltdown over my night going saying I needed to go out more and even when I tried to defend myself saying I'd been several places with her, they didn't want to hear and insisted I spend too much time in.

My sister all of a sudden decided she liked college football and wanted to go to all the home games and of course, wanted me to go too so I had to go with her. I never enjoyed that at all, but I had to keep my parents from trying to commit me and not get into fights with them over my "never going out" as they called it. In addition, sometimes her friends would have parties, and they'd invite me as well as her and of course, they'd ask her if I wanted to go and she'd accept for me which to my parents, was the same as me accepting and again, didn't want conflict so I'd go be around a bunch of people I didn't know, had nothing in common with, and probably wouldn't associate with at all if it weren't for her, sit in a corner like a bump on a log being miserable because I didn't want to be there, and leave when she wanted to go home.

When she did finally leave home for medical school though, things got better. When she was gone, I didn't go to ball games, parties, the spring break events, or anything like that. I was waiting for all hell to break loose with my parents but it didn't. They were alot nicer to me now that she was gone, and let me do my thing in peace. Of course, when she took ill and came home on what they called stress leave, it was all back to normal again, only I didn't even have to be asked, it was automatically assumed when she goes somewhere, I go too, with the same nonsense from my parents all over again. It was almost like I wasn't a person anymore, just an appendage of her's. She want back to school again a few months later and again, everything was fine for me.

I often blamed it on my bossy sister, but later realized they should have had the spine to stand up to her and say no, and not treat her with kid gloves like they always had. They loved giving me speeches about how you often have to do things you don't want to, and you can't always do what you want to do, etc., yet none of that ever seemed to apply to her. She did alot of things later that caused them alot of pain and as far as I'm concerned, it was my payback. I have no sympathy for them at all and always knew this coddling and catering to her would come back at them one day, and it did.

Parents need to respect their children as individuals, and let them be who they are, find their own paths, etc., and not try to force them into some cookie cutter mold of what they want them to be. Let them be themselves.

Not that I can recall. Aside from normal teenage things like wanting a tatoo or dying my hair a crazy color my parents pretty much let me do whatever I want. I was never forced to socalize, play sports or join girl scouts (I would never let my own daughter join it even if she wanted too) or make me give up toys I should be too old for.

No. Billy, my girlfriend's 9 year old Aspie son, has a little stuffed dinosaur that he carries with him everywhere. I can see this continuing for years, and while he will get picked on for it in school eventually (my brother did the same thing), we would never make him give it up.

He used to have a pillow that he loved back before I met him. It is now a few shredded strings that reek and he refuses to give it up. Being OCD myself, it makes me want to hurl when I see it. He has to keep it in his room when he stays with me. I would LOVE to make him give up that filthy nasty thing, but he would definitely have a meltdown, and it calms him, so he gets to keep it until it disintegrates.

As far as clothing goes, I try to cater to his interests. He currently is really into Doctor Who, so I bought him a Dalak shirt. He loves it.

I still sleep with my special pillow from when I was 3, so I wouldn't make my son get rid of a toy he was "too old" for. However, we went through all of his toys the other night and got rid of anything he hadn't used in the past 2 months. No need keep something if it's just going to collect dust.