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Does anyone find that their kids clash with other kids diagnosed with aspergers and/on the spectrum? You would think they would blend nicely, but it doesn't seem to be the case. Maybe it's a matter of rejecting that which you see in yourself in order to mainstream? Or, fit into a more NT sort of world? I think my son is fearful that he is different from his peers, yet, he has a 1:1 aide who he loves.

curious.

Some clash, some don't. It is a matter of personality, not diagnosis.

Since my sons are twins and both AS, they are each others peers and often clash. One will need silence, while the other is making little stimming sounds, they won't get each others humour etc. At other times, since they share most of the same interests and are twin brothers they get along so well, that it's like they are existing and communicating on their own private plane. Pretty cool really. But that's more unusual, twin specific type stuff, just intensified by sharing special interests.

Of the other kids that we know to be on the spectrum that they are in regular contact with (same grade/same social skills group), they get on reasonably well, but aren't particular friends with any of them. Except for one. This little guy is the most like my two, as far as interests, behaviour etc. and both of my sons, but one in particular has a really explosive relationship with him. Last year there was an actual fist fight.

At this point it isn't a matter of wanting to identify with NT kids or being fearful of differences, my sons, being AS simply do not have the social skills to "bridge the gap" well with other AS kids. Misunderstandings and annoyances get blown out of proportion twice as quick, because there is social difficulty on both sides. They seem to do best with calm, quiet NT kids who have good social skills and share common interests. Their current NT friends tend to be able to sort out difficulties and help keep things calm.

Of my boy's two good friends, one has been formally diagnosed as being on the spectrum - somewhere - but the other hasn't.

There's a question about the un-diagnosed boy's mother being possibly on the spectrum, so who knows.

But watching them together is great!

Last summer we went to our local small (family owned and run) amusement park. My family owns and runs the food concessions and have for over 20 years, so it made sense to go there for our big outing with all the kids and a friend each. Well, they could have stood in the parking lot all day and had just as good of a time - and admitted that the summer before.

When they're together they talk non-stop about everything and nothing. They just go on and on and on. We took two cars and I rode with the three younger children and let their grandparents take them as I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the constant noise. But they had a wonderful time together! Everytime we saw them they were walking and talking - more animatedly than I see him talking normally.

No idea what they talk about and can't get them to make plans to hang out without huge work, but when they are together they have a great time.

My son hasn't done well with other AS kids but it has nothing to do with his perception of social order - it's simply that he is less likely to get another AS child to buy into his vision than he is an NT child. The AS child will counter with his own vision and neither have the tools to negotiate and compromise, so they simply move away from each other.

I wanted to add what I think is one exception to what I stated above. My son has recently been making friends (best friends according to him), with a little boy that I suspect is also on the spectrum (lots of social and sensory difficulties). However this little boy is very happy to let my son lead in all things, so they get on really, really, really well.

My son had a classmate who was born on the exact same day as him and they were like night and day. Completely opposite triggers so putting them in the same room was like oil and water. They constantly triggered each other. But my little guy had two best friends. One was 2 years older and NT and the other 2 years older and AS. The AS boy was very laid back and it was cool with him if my son took control of things. So the balance worked out well. It's all about personality and triggers.