what would you do....

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OK - I will lay it all out here.

Nate is a young kindergartener. He is doing alright it is academics but is starting to fall behind. His math facts are really falling behind. When he looks at those, he shuts down or shows intense anxiety. His anxiety is getting in the way of him even learning. Nate used to be one of the higher kids in math. He is still fine at math reasoning. His reading skills are also slowing down. He had a language assessment six months ago and scored in the lower end of average range on repeceptive and expressive language. Now he is scoring a few points away from the high average range in receptive language (auditory comprehension). He has fallen behind in his expressive language skills but not much. He is still in the low average range for that area. He hasn't been receiving language therapy for over a year (money tight). Nate stutters almost all the time now and the speech therapist thinks his anxiety combined with lower language skills gets in the way of his expressing himself. She is pretty sure that she can get his language skills up this next year to the point that he wont have his stuttering problems.

My thought is that if we enter 1st grade, his anxiety will get even worse especially if we don't work on his language. He will probably always have anxiety issues but his langauge problems make his anxiety even worse. When he is anxious, his stuttering is pretty bad. He is also a very young kindergartener, made it by only two weeks. My thought is to keep him back in kindergarten but put him in the full day class (he is in two half day classes), and have him go to 1st grade math and reading. They will be doing that with another student who is his new best friend (age fuve a few days ago, gifted and has ADHD). They would both be going to 1st grade reading and math together.

I have a meeting tomorrow with the school and am nervous. The purpose of the meeting is to "discuss the route we should take with nate next year." I am concerned they will throw out, "We may be unable to meet his needs as he gets older." I won't accept that right now, though. They are going off of assumptions. Nate is happy there and his behavior, for the most part, is good. He has just plateued in all academic areas.

I know that just holding Nate may always struggle in some areas but if we can get up his language skills (as he has already shown that his auditory comprehension skills went up signficicantly in such a short time), than that will at least help him in school.

Any ideas, help, questions to ask me to help?

If it possible I would suggest taking your son to a psychiatrist or therapist to hopefully help him deal with his anxiety. Holding him back won't help him in the long run as he becomes the kid who failed kindergarten. There was a kid At my school you had repeated kindergarten (Idon't know why) and he was harrassed for it for the rest of elementary (and possibly high school I don't know by then I was in private school to escape the bullies). Anything that is done to differentiate him from the rest of the kids iss going to give them ammunition against a child we can assume doesn't need any help sticking out.

I had similar problems minus the stuttering and just ended up in remedial english for a couple years (luckily for me this was acceptable to my peers) now I still have trouble with math, I simply don't have the aptitude but no one bests me in verbal communication. Another odd similarity I started school early as well getting in under the wire by two days.

I hope this helps and doesn't stress you out but always remember your son's situation is unique from any other ASD child and so your way may be best as well.

I definitely would hold him back. How to save his reputation, I don't know. But it is always better to be the oldest boy in the class than one of the youngest. His nervousness shows that he is being pushed too hard. I held back both my boys born in September and now they hold prestigious jobs.

I would discuss the options with Nate and see how he feels about it. I've found both my kids to be incredibly insightful about these sorts of things; I've often felt I should have taken their opinions more seriously on things that didn't turn out as well as hoped. Maybe it's just hindsight, but it seems they always knew.

Not all kids are self-insightful, but you won't know if you don't ask.

And, yes, my daughter could answer that sort of question at that age. Really.

I once again believe that your son is copying me; there seems to be an abnormally high correlation between what you post and my early childhood. I was born September 8th. School started on the 10th of September meaning I made the cut off by only 2 days. So, I was the youngest and smallest child in my grade. My mother tells me that my kindergarten teacher recommended holding me back an extra year because I wasn't fitting in well with the other children. In the end my parents decided against that and I moved on with everybody else. Sorry if that doesnt answer your question directly, I just thought it was an interesting coincidence.

I guess I might have a few things to add:

1. What is the difference between a 5 day kindergarten with 1st grade math/reading and actual 1st grade? As far as I recall, 1st grade only teaches you math, reading, handwriting, and history. To be honest, both handwriting and history are wastes of time. I'm sure you've heard enough rants about handwriting that I dont need to go into that. History in elementary is really nothing more then memorizing irrelevant useless facts, mostly through rhyme (columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492). I can assure you that your son wont be missing out on anything important if he doesnt know when columbus crossed the ocean.

It seems to me as though attending all day kindergarten with first grade math and reading is the same thing as going to first grade for all practical purposes. Perhaps you could ask the school what their policy would be about skipping grades if the situation dictated? I.E. Attend full day kindergarten with 1st grade math/reading next year, and then upgrade to full time first grade mid-way through the year if your son was doing well. He might miss the first semester of history lessons, but thats about all.

As for his skills stagnating, I wouldnt worry too much about it. Everybody has a period where they get stuck for a while. When this happens, the best thing to do is just take a break, and come at the problem from a completely different approach. Im not sure what you mean by 'math facts' so I really cant give any advice specifically, but try teaching him the math from multiple methods. The beauty of mathematics lies in that no matter how you solve a problem, as long as you do it correctly, you will get the right answer. Don't let small temporary struggles deter you. Your son will struggle with things in life just as everybody does. What matters isnt the problems he faces, but how he faces them.

Also, I would like to add this:

Don't hold your son back, or push your son ahead in an attempt to help him fit in. While it may sound cynical, your son wont fit in with the other children no matter what grade you put him in. I moved up a grade, and didnt fit in. If i had stayed back a grade, I still wouldnt have fit in. Your son will be weird no matter what grade you put him into so dont make your decision on where to place him based solely on helping him fit in with other children. Instead, make your decision on where to place him based upon his abilities. If he can handle 1st grade then go for it. If it is too much stress for him, then dont try to push him through. Overall, you know your son better then any of us, so we cant give you a definitive answer.

Just be sure to talk with the school tomorrow about the potential for revising the situation mid year. Find out how they feel about just scheduling the first semester and leaving the second semester open depending on how he does.

First want to say, Tracker, you were born on the best day ever! We share birthdays
I was the youngest in my class and the smallest. I barely made the cut off as well. I have ADHD-Inattentive type as well so fitting in for me was always difficult and school was difficult as well. My difficulty is probably different than my sons, but it was still difficult. My anxiety came around the 3rd or 4th grade. I do wish I was held back but I also remember feeling bored in kindergarten.

Your second to the last paragraph is a good point. I know that no matter what he will have a difficult time fitting in. I am keeping that in mind when trying to figure out what is best.

While doing homework tonight, Nate told us that he was the lowest reader in his class. He seemed upset by it.I asked him who told him that and he said, "Nobody I just know I am the lowest." He just started to get help in a smaller group setting because he scored slightly low on a reading test. I think he may have heard that he is the lowest from another kid. At the beginning of the year, he was telling me that he was the smartest in class. His attitude in the past month seems to be more sadness, frustration and increased anxiety.

I don't really know if he can handle first grade. His anxiety lately seems to be through the roof and that seems to be affecting his performance. Perhaps good counseling with someone who specializes in Autism and anxiety will help. He also seems to have a lot of difficulties with attention but it's hard to tell if his difficulties are due to attention, anxiety or just plain difficulty in school. Do I think he would be able to do the work if he didn't have the anxiety issues (which then causes the stuttering)? Perhaps. I have to keep in mind that he may always have the difficulty with anxiety, language and attention. He most likely will always have difficulty with social interaction. I can't keep holding him back because of those issues. I would like to think that by keeping him back this year, we would be able to reduce the anxiety issues and stuttering while increasing his language skills. I just wish I had the answers.

What I mean by math facts is just basic 8+2, 8-2, 2+4....

He was doing well in the beginning. He seems to have given up. He couldn't even figure out what 31 cents + 1 cent was tonight. He had visuals and we gave him several examples. He just started guessing. He may have been confused with the vocabulary of cents. We should have reworded it. He was able to do that kind of work before, at a more simple level. The strange thing is that during reading yesterday, he had difficulty reading a lot of sight words we have practiced many times but immediately read the word quilt and two other words that were more difficult. You can visualize all of those words but it's harder to visualize the words "and" and "the".

We really haven't been creative in our approach to help him tackle the problems differently. We need to start to do that.

The school is very flexible about revising mid year. In fact, they seem to promote it in certain circumstances.

I have asked Nate several times but many times he avoids the question and starts to talk about something else. When I asked him, "Do you want to go to first grade or do kindergarten again?" He said, "Kindergarten again." I think it's because his little "genius" buddy is doing kindergarten again due to being so young.

I do think he is being pushed just too hard.

Exactly. I read your details about what they are studying and am just flabbergasted that this is KINDERGARTEN. Not all kids are developmentally ready for all that at that age. It doens't mean he isn't smart, it just means his development isn't there yet. But pushing it on him now will hurt his sense of who he is and his sense of how smart he is.

Have I told you about the book, "The Trouble With Boys" by Peg Tyre? It is not an AS book, it is a generalized book, that talks about the changes in our schools in the last 20 years and how those changes have come together to hurt boys. It is a really interesting read and you will have a lot of "aha" moments. Boys develope differently than girls do, and that is without throwing AS into the mix, and the accelerated schedule and pressure does most boys a huge disservice.

My son is a GATE student now, at 11, but he had huge hurdles to overcome just to keep up in K through 2nd, and that was WITHOUT the curriculum being as accelerated as yours is. The kids get really frustrated because they can sense their own talents and intelligence and can't figure out why that doesn't work for them in a school setting. Everyone has to work hard at keeping self-esteem up so that they don't tune out and give up in this situation. The kids need to understand it's OK to be on a different time line, and it won't matter at all in the long run. It all evens out by 3rd grade or so, which really makes me wonder why schools bother pushing the skills so far down - it's not like they'll be doing caculus any sooner. Sigh.

i would think that if he is ok with it and if he has a good friend who is in teh same situation it may make your situation a little easier.
beter him to stick with one good friend than to be stuck with a bunch of kids who don;t get him.
maybe the extra year will boost his confidence enough to eliminate the stress.

those are just my thoughts or observations.
my son is in kindergarten now and is fine with academics he just has a hard time with motor skills.

i wonder why it is that the kids start to have their major issues in the middle of teh year, as i find it odd that your son seems to have had these problems come up more recently, similar to my son who was great with school for teh first little while but is becoming very overwhelmed with stuff in the past few months.
for him i think it is becasue he feels like he is so behind teh other kids and is not picking up on some of teh stuff as quickly as them.
all i've tried to do is emphasise his strengths adn tell him he just needs to keep practicing his cutting etc that he is having trouble with.

i hope it all works out well for you!