Special Needs Gym class and constant time out, what to do?

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I am a mom of a 7yr old diagnosed with PDD-NOS, later changed to Asperger's...I really don't care about the label.

So, we homeschool and after much searching I found a gym class that my kiddo could attend. He's been attending for almost a year now...so far, so good. Actually, he is way ahead of the other kids, since this is a class with an occupational therapist and a physical therapist...and he doesn't really need either of these, but I was just happy ANY place would accept him. I had tried a dance class for him, since he loved dancing, but after claiming it was all ok and I bought all his clothes, on the 3rd class they put him with 2 little girls that were 2-3 years of age...He hated it and the teacher complained that "he complained all the time and said he wanted to go to the other class", so needless to say, that didn't work out either.

Anyway, he's been there for almost a year and at first all was good, but in January they changed one of the teachers...and well, this teacher has grabbed him by the arm in a very forceful way, every single class she puts him in timeout, etc...Not any other child there, but only him. I can't hear what they say, but I can see...I see other kids who do similar things as what he does, but have yet to see anyone else in timeout. So, last week the teacher called me in after putting him in timeout and told me to "take care of him"...at the end of the class, I lost it...as nice as I could..and told them that I would be pulling him out until the other teacher returned, as I was really tired of this one teacher and her constant harrassment of my child. Of course it was all denied, but even my NT husband, who is very calm about lost it when he say the treatment from this teacher towards our kid.

Now, I'm stuck. The teacher I liked begged me to leave him in and they would take care of it, and my son likes to go because these are really the only friends he sees on a regular basis...however, he barely speaks and can't tell me what the teacher says to him...but has been for the last couple of weeks saying "you're getting a serious time out..." and today he made me write out "NO TIME OUT anymore" on a postcard to take to his class...needless to say, now I know where that is coming from.

My question is, should I leave him in or take him out? I know this is the only activity he has right now, but is his self-esteem worth this? I am truly at a loss.

Oh, that's a difficult one. I can understand why you're at a loss.

It does seem a shame that your son would miss out on this class, and spending time with his friends, because of this teacher. It's completely unacceptable for her to grab him by the arm like that though, and all the time-out isn't going to be good for him, neither is being singled out for this treatment.

Would it be possible to meet with both teachers together, and agree some ground rules? No grabbing of his arm, and time-out being limited or done away with altogether.

Are you actually present while the class is going on, so that you can see what is happening?

Yes, I am actually present...this is what is so amazing. A couple of times that it was worse, ie. the day she grabbed him by the arm, I was there...but because she was new, and my husband attended the previous class, she had no idea who I was...but imagine if this happens with me there, this is a SCHOOL teacher/therapist...I can't imagine what she does to kids when parents are not there...

I actually said something to the teacher, in as nice a way as I could about "why is he in timeout? it seems he is always in timeout now..." and of course, she just said, because he goes off to do things he's not supposed to...so I told her there were other kids who did the same and they didn't get timeout, of course, she again just came up with an excuse...and didn't seem at ALL upset or even apologetic for what she has done...she seems to think she is right.

He's there for OT/Physical therapy/gym class, not for some ABA type class...sigh...

My son had a preschool teacher who had his number. I saw the same things you see: him getting in trouble for the exact same things other kids were doing but NOT getting in trouble for. AND the other kids were outright provoking him into bad behavior - with only my child getting noticed for it.

My suggestion -

Ask her to call you in to speak to him when she feels he isn't listening. See if that can help bridge some of the gaps. Be more involved, more closely, so that you not only SEE but also HEAR. Phrase it to her something like this: "I'm concerned that you and my son aren't really understanding each other. I would like to be involved more closely for a while to help him have a clearer picture of what you expect from him."

Thanks for the suggestion...I think from now on I will just go inside the gym so I can hear what she what she says, not just see what she does. I am also thinking about asking my husband to attend and do the same...

I know how it is when a teacher has a kid's number...I remember in elementary/middle school and how some of those kids ended up being not much because their self-esteem was so low...and they were actually smart kids...

can you or someone else offer to be a one-to-one assistant for him ? maybe he really is getting distracted & needs someone by his side to help him focus.