Have you ever found others to be surprised...

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Have you ever told someone that your child is on the spectrum and they were completely surprised?

I guess what I'm asking is this; With children with mild Aspergers/Autism...is it obvious to most people without being told that the child is Autistic?

The reason I ask, is that DS is being assessed and recently the teacher said to me "there's no way he is on the spectrum"

At times I really feel like I'm doing the wrong thing having him assessed if he's in fact NT? The child psychologist is very adament that he is on the spectrum....yet pple who know him find it hard to believe.

Sorry for the possibly silly question, but I'd appreciate your input

It's a big spectrum. He could be way up on the NT side, and that's a fine line. Or, he could just be NT. Assessment is good, but humans are not infallible.

My son is about half way through the autism assessment at the moment. The Educational Psychologist has done a separate assessment and concludes that he has "social communication difficulties". Her report will be passed to the Community Autism Team, and will inform their assessment, but at the meeting last week with his teachers and the Ed. Psych. she indicated, informally, that she expects them to conclude that he is "somewhere on the Spectrum".

My experience of people's reactions has been mixed. Generally, people who don't know anything, or much, about autism are surprised that he is being assessed and say that they don't think he is autistic. I think this is partly an attempt to reassure me that there is nothing wrong with my son, partly a lack of awareness of what autism is, and partly because they only see my son for short periods of time every so often. They don't see the full picture.

On the other hand, people who do know about autism tend to agree that he may be on the Spectrum and that Asperger's seems a likely diagnosis. That group of people includes some people at church who work in education and health services, my sister-in-law who works in residential care settings and has experience working with autistic children and adults, my son's teachers who have experience of teaching other autistic children and my son's Speech and Language Therapist who isn't working with him as part of the autism team, but who has extensive experience with children on the Spectrum.

If I were you, I'd be inclined to trust the judgement of the child psychologist who is experienced in this area, and knows how autistic children differ from each other. It may be that the teacher doesn't have a lot of experience teaching autistic children, and thinks that they are all the same. If your child isn't exactly like another autistic child she knew, she may be making an assumption based on mistaken beliefs or poor understanding.

Stick with it, and see what happens. What is important is that your son's strengths and difficulties are identified, and you can get support in making sure that he reaches his full potential, and is as happy and secure as possible.

Yea, people I meet don't believe I have AS.

Some people I meet don't believe I have AS. I don't think a teacher (who is unqualified to make such a statement) should have said anything to you.

We have an "invisible disability" for the most part. It only comes out in certain situations. Or, a lot of us do.

All the time. A lot of people just think that I haven't disciplined him well enough or that he is having a behavior difficulty at that moment. I will never forget when we were in a crowded restaurant and without warning he scratched his grandfather (husband's dad who I feel is AS). His grandfather said, "Why did you do that? If you were my child, I would turn you over my knee and spank you!" My husband and I had no time to process and react. We were so stunned as to what had happened we literally were paralyzed. I knew that my child must have had sensory overload as I was having the sensory overload during my time in there. At that time, they didn't believe in the dx. Nate was almost four. Now they do believe it because four different professionals have since agreed with it.

Most other people think that it's developmental and it will go away when Nate's over. They think the dx is being overreactive. They think that Nate is just a young kindergartener and will be fine when he is older. That's fine. I let them think that.

Most people who work with him at his school believe the dx, not all. That's fine, too. They just still need to realize that even if you don't believe it, you still need to accommodate for him. Some haven't been doing that, so when Nate has accidents he is blamed. It is infuriating.

When my children were younger, it was harder to differentiate AS based behaviours and sensitivities with regular little kid quirkiness, and we were assured by everyone (teachers, pediatrician, relatives etc.) that there was absolutely nothing "wrong" with them that they wouldn't outgrow.

It wasn't until about halfway through grade 2 that the differences between them and their peers became impossible to explain away as "social immaturity" or "he's just a sensitive little kid", but the teachers were thinking ADHD not autism spectrum. That's why you go to an expert for diagnosis. We went to a clinical psychologist, and based on our screening info were referred to one who specializes in AS. Both sons dxed AS, ADHD and GAD.

The fact that my sons are AS would not be initially apparent to most people. Someone who is knowledgeable about AS would probably pick up on it immediately in a stressful situation, but would likely not notice right away in a relaxed setting (unless that was a day when they were really monologue-ing about something! ). People who aren't familiar with AS, often find my sons unusually intelligent and "charming", if a little odd, in a relaxed setting, but may label them as hyper, rude, uncooperative, whiny, spoiled etc. in a stressful one.

If your gut feeling is that your child should be assessed, don't be deterred by the teacher's opinion. She may have little knowledge about AS, or as we have often found, be comparing your child with one or two kids on the spectrum that she is familiar with, who may be less high functioning than your child. We found the assessment process to be very helpful, in understanding our sons' strengths and weaknesses and learning more about how we can help them to succeed...which in the end has very little to do with whether or not you get a dx, and everything to do with going forward with more knowledge to help your child. So I would say, stick with the assessment.

People are surprised that my son is diagnosed AS, mostly because of the stereotype that he would have no interest in other people and the world around him, and wouldn't be emotional or loving. He is, of course, all of those things. I've found that his teachers, etc., readily defer to the special ed department and the special ed department really hasn't ever doubted the conclusion, so questions about it tend to be answered with education on the nuances of the spectrum.

You've done the study on this and you know your child better than any of them. Just because he can act NT during a school does not MAKE him NT. Stick to your instincts.

yes.....people seem to think that individuals with AS have far fewer social skills than they give them credit for........we've heard numerous times about how our son couldn't possibly be on the spectrum...

Let me just say - this is what happened to my son a LOT when he was younger and we first looked into autism. I had TONS of friends who would always say "Oh no, there's no way he's on the spectrum. Are you sure??" You could spend time with my son even now and not know that there was anything different about him, but as time wears on - you might think he's a little on the quirky side. That said - he's in 4th grade now, and there are definitely areas where he needs help, or that there is a significant difference in him as opposed to an NT 4th grader.

I know how you feel - I questioned myself over and over again even while we were in the neurologist's office getting the evaluation, and even after that I questioned myself over and over as to whether or not I should go to the district and request an IEP for him. Well, I went for that IEP, and I'll tell you - I will be forever glad I did. We're not through the process yet, but even his regular ed teacher is saying he needs one now - which is a huge change from September when she questioned whether or not he really WAS on the spectrum!

Yep happens to us all the time too. Our son saw 5 different psychologist to eventually get a diagnosis cause I 'knew' deep down that he was somewhere on that spectrum.

My son has NO repetitave behaviours, no sensory issues that you would think bothering enough to mention. He is sociable and loves to be around people and gives us all kisses and hugs.

But on closer examination his kisses and hugs arent as fluid as my NT kids, and a hug may not last so long. VERY subtle differences are there, but I suppose the big one is he rarely 'shares' enjoyment with us. He may laugh at a funny movie or cartoon but will not look at me to see If i also find it funny, and to share the moment.

He loves to run around and play with other kids, but alot of times in a close activity with another kid or two he may chose to ignore them or walk away.

These very subtle things seperate him from NT kids. I guess reading other parents experiences it may be more obvious in time. My son just turned 4yrs.

All this wondering in my experience is part of the process, I agree with the others take what the professionals say to be more true than the teacher.

When you think about it, they really dont want to diagnose him either, but they do know what they are looking for. The ADOS assessment is fool proof, see if he could have that one.

Good luck xx

All.the.time. In fact, at the drugstore yesterday the woman asked my son (age 10) why he wasn't in school. Like its any of her business, but anyway. He said "I do go to school. I'm homeschooled." So she asked him why (again, WHY is this her business?) and he replied, "Because I'm Autistic and I learn better at home than I do with all of the noise at school." (huh. Good answer ) and then she said "Wow! Really? But you don't LOOK autistic. You look SMART!"

If your son is that bright, it might be a good idea to say Aspergers. I agree, it's very difficult for people, in general, to believe a charming, verbose child chatting with a store clerk is "autistic" as a large percentage of kids with classic autism are mentally challeneged. I suppose it is unfair to expect the general population to be caught up on the new definition of the spectrum. It's an extensive amount of researching. Most people, unless they are directly affected, do not know about the pdd-nos or aspergers of 2009.

I agree, but I don't correct him in public for the way he chooses to expressive himself. It was his words and he knows about the variances on the spectrum ( he has a friend who is low functioning) but I have found that even if he says he has Aspergers, he gets the same response. He usually isn't stimming at the point though. If he's stimming, people see ASD without him saying anything