concerned about my 3 year old -Please reply!! !

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I am looking for another parent who I could talk to about my 3 year old son. I suspect he may have aspergers. I am hesitant to bring it up to my doctor because I have been concerned in the past and was told that he was just more introverted than my older son who is extremely outgoing. From the time he was born I could just tell there was something different about him. He rarely smiled, flat expression, seemed to just shut down in social settings or gatherings. When I brought this up to my doctor I was very worried and quite depressed over it. Basically, my doctor told me I had Post-partum depression and I was over-reacting and my son was just more introverted than my first son. Well, he's three now and I see alot of quirks that I just can't seem to ignore. I found a symptoms list and he pretty much fits the description. He's a little clumsy, always spills his milk and always end up falling down when were out and about. He repeats everything his older brother says almost word for word, almost like an echo. Often plays in his "own little world." He has a flat, cheerless demeanor. Withdraws socially in large settings like preschool. He will play by himself in a corner. He also has a little deviant verbal communication, which is kind of cute now, but probably wont be later. So I guess I'm just afraid to bring it up to my doctor because I'm #1.) Afraid I'm wrong and maybe he is just one of those quirky kids. #2.) If I am wrong my doctor will think I'm a real nut case since I've felt this way about him since he was weeks old. #3.) I don't really want him labeled as being different. I'd rather him just be known as being eccentric instead of disabled in some way. But I would still like to get all of the information I can in order to help him. If there are any parents that would be willing to talk to me one on one I would greatly appreciate it. If not any post would be helpful too. Thanks

Hi - lots of little kids have quirks, and sometimes they tun out to be something, sometimes they don't, but one thing you can count on is your own instincts. Do you mean your MD? - they are often not helpful when asking about a 3 year old. Often it's "let's wait and see..."

You might want to talk to someone in your school system. Not the preschool, but the district. They will do FREE testing to check for a variety of developmental concerns from kids with speech problems to unusual language or social quirks. At age 3-6 there are some amazing FREE programs through school districts. Going to a Psych or other specialist will cost you, but of course, will do a more thorough analysis than the schools.

Repeating back what someone says is a sign your child could use some help. Don't fear a label - it may be something small that you can help him with now so he can be fully prepared for kindergarten and beyond. Better catch it now, right? My son had 11 kids in his "special" pre-school program. More than half of them entered kindergarten with people having NO CLUE they had received help in preschool. Because they were helped EARLY.

Here's one way to look at it - something caught your attention, and he is only 3. Early intervention for developmental delays of any kind can be the best way to help any child. In your heart, if you really think your child may have aspergers - the quirks can be a joy, but I've learned how to communicate better with my child (and helped him learn to express himself better) because of the help I've received (and many books read). There is also occupation therapy out there that can help with clumsiness or coordination.

It's the folks that decide to seek help after problems REALLY start to surface that have the most work to do. Bad habits have had time to set in, and valuable early-childhood help missed. Catch it now, and there's a better chance of no label than if you were to "wait and see" and it turns out something is going on. If there's nothing really going on with your son - there's no harm done by simply checking it out to see. Testing is basically professionals watching the kids play and talking with them - it's often fun for the kids. Don't fear following through on your instincts.

Do you want to wait to get him check out until you are absolutely certain there is a problem, or do you want to nip it in the bud - and who knows, maybe he doesn't need help, but give yourself the peace of mind by finding out now.

I think this might be a good starting point: http://www.icdl.com/dirFloortime/overview/index.shtml

It sounds like it could be aspergers, or a similar condition - a bunch of them are mostly the same except for which problems are most prominent, an professional assessment could help sort that out.

Judo would help with the falling, and grappling with such things as glasses of milk. I used to fall maybe 2-3 times a week (knee scrapes mostly), until my parents had me learn judo. I've fallen only twice in the last 15 years, and could have gotten seriously hurt both times if not for judo, regardless of motor skills. It also provides the confidence, self-control, and self-defense aspects you'd expect from any martial art. I recommend it for anyone.

Assuming it's aspergers, introduce him to social sciences early - it won't replace social skills, but it will at least help him avoid some of the worst mistakes and figure people out (in hindsight), and it's a lot easier for an aspie to pick up than social skills (which rely on abilities we're short on).

Check for stuff that might make him sick or tired - food allergies, sleeping problems, etc... dealing with such issues will help his functioning no matter what he's got.

If your kid does turn out to be on the spectrum, it's important that you love and accept him, as he is, and not to pay any mind to the lies that Autism Speaks sends out to the public.

Hiya, you sound so worried and scared. I can see why. Don't be though.

Does your son have a speech delay? Let me know.

And yes I would be happy to talk to you on a one to one. I have private messaged you. Chin up, you are amongst friends here

Ask your doctor for a list of special need daycares where they specialize in Asperger's and Autism. These children need special ed asap and then more when they start regular school. He will be eventually mainstreamed (put in general ed curriculum) but at his own pace. Kindergarten for my son was a nightmare. He was way behind them and needed careful assistance that only special ed can give. I was in complete denial that he was on the autistic spectrum. I am too, you would think I would've known better! Special ed was the best thing for him. He's now a 4th grader in regular school and is doing well. He's not a genius but a "B" student. He gets speech therapy still. He had O.T. in first grade. We were able to take advantage of all types of services but you won't know what those services are until you ask for help. I had a very uneducated idea of what special ed was. I thought he would be in a class tied up in ropes with all the special need kids together no matter what their needs were. I had NO IDEA how great special ed was and how case specific it was. My son has an IEP which means the world to us. That's an INDIVIDUALIZED EDUCATION PLAN. He still gets picked up and dropped off by a small van with a kind driver and monitor at our front door. He's developing a good sense of self and is rather choosy with his friends. He really doesn't care who likes him and doesn't. it wasn't always this way. He used to get depressed if no one played with him. Early intervention is the right thing to do!! Do it! I waited all the way up to kindergarten. Those teachers must have thought I was blind! He's stand in the hallway flapping like crazy and I stupidly smile and say Good Morning to everybody that stared. That's what is called "Denial". But the teachers saved him and me.

3 things:

First, you should seriously consider getting a new doctor. You want one that you can trust to share your deepest concerns, not one that makes you shut up because you are afraid of being shamed by him/her. Start looking for a pediatrician that has worked with kids that are on the spectrum or at least has a working relationship with a pediatrics psychiatrist that has worked with kids on the spectrum. You can find this out by looking up all the doctors covered by your insurance and start calling their offices one-by-one, telling them what you are looking for. You'll find one that won't just look at you like you are a worry-wort but will take the time to look at your son. IMHO, it sounds to me like your current doctor is not familiar with AS.

Second, pester your school district. Get on the phone with their special ed. psychologist and tell them you believe your son might be autistic and would like to have him evaluated. You may get the run around with the office staff or may get sent to voice mail hell but be persistent. Go to the main office and hand deliver a letter requesting an evaluation. I believe if you submit a written request, the law requires them to test you son within a couple of months. Another point, if they ask you over the phone why you believe your son might be on the spectrum, don't down play his symptoms. I know the tendency is to to wish it away by pretending he's not that bad but in this case you need to be frank so they understand that this (at least in your opinion) is serious.

Third, because he's only 3, he's probably eligible for government supported services. Out here in California we have a government funded entity called the Regional Center that helps identify, evaluate, and treat toddlers and pre-school children with developmental delays. You should find the equivalent in your area and contact them to open a case file ASAP (I say ASAP because it can take months to get an appointment).

Your post brings tears to my eyes because I have recently been where you're at....I have a 3 year old son who was just diagnosed with mild Asperger's after what seemed to be the longest year of my life. I had all of the feelings you have now. I am so sorry you're going through this.

I was told that most of the time, not in all cases, regular pediatricians have a harder time picking up on symptoms and that you can't rely on them for it. I was told this second hand by a regular pediatrician. Ours was wonderful and guided us to where we needed to go...which was our school district for an evaluation and a professional who specializes in making a diagnosis, our doctor said that these professionals "have an eye" for it since they do it all of the time. The school district can not make a diagnosis, but did point out his delays and encouraged us to seek a diagnosis from a professional. They set up services for him (preschool, speech and OT) and we made an appointment with a developmental pediatrician who was wonderful. Turns out, he has mild asperger's and his prognoses is very good. We left feeling confident that he was truly going to be okay.

If I can answer any questions for you please let me know! Hang in there, I know how tough it is.

To the OP: I think the advice you've gotten about contacting the future school district is solid. If your child is going to have any educational disadvantages, and if there is anything they can do now to help mitigate those, they will want to know and they will offer intervention.

Otherwise ... I'm not convinced that one needs to "know" with a three year old. My son wasn't diagnosed until 7 and while earlier would have been better, I think not knowing when he was 3 was just as well. At this age a parent should be getting to know their child without any assumptions of any kind. Just allowing him to "be." Let him explore his world his way. That sort of thing. Still, if there is AS you will need to know before school starts, for the issues can start pretty quickly then. So .... perhaps just taking your time, starting the process but not sweating it.