Other son

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I have another son who is approximately 20 months. I will call him Ron (to avoid people picking up who I am).
I know you shouldn't compare children but it's so hard not to.

I have two kids that are so opposite but am now wondering about the other child.

Ron is rough and tumble, Nate is not - Nate is more of a gentle type of child. Ron loves to sing, Nate disliked songs for the longest time. Ron has very few discernible words but does have attempts to communicate. He does point a lot. Nate rarely attempted to communicate when he was Ron's age. Ron has NO FEAR. He really freaks us out. Nate was always so careful. Really, Ron is hyper (or active) and Nate really was extremely calm. Nate's fine motor skills were extremely well developed. Ron's is taking a little time. He is not really behind - probably about average. Ron is SOOO active yet when he goes into a new situation or an overstimulating situation, he will seem almost catatonic - especially if we are not there. If we are there, he just doesn't look at anyone. If you didn't know him and had some experience with Autism, you may think that Ron was on the spectrum. If we are not with him in the new situation or the overstimulating situation, he will sometimes sit or even stand in the same place sometimes up to an hour. It takes a lot for others to make him smile - even me sometimes. Not always. It's almost like he checks out. Right now he is laughing with Nate. He is jumping on top of him and trying to find him under some covers LOL. In a lot of ways Ron is typical.

BUT

He can't stand to be touched. It is getting worse. The only time I can touch him is when he is falling asleep, asleep or sometimes just waking up. There are some other instances he lets me touch him. I have tried deep pressure touch and tight hugs and he refuses those as well. He gets extremely mad and yells. He also can't stand socks or shoes. He could very well just be a child who doesn't like touch or stimulation. Nate didn't mind touch. He wasn't extremely cuddly until about a year or two ago but he was nothing like Ron.

His new symptom has been almost like stemming but I don't want to call it that yet. He does it simultaneously with both hands at the same time and is moving his thumb around his fingers, it's hard to explain. He kind of flaps but it's not really flapping.

Overall, Ron loves social interaction. He craves it SO much it actually drives me crazy. I am not really thinking he is on the spectrum. I will just focus on his needs and wants and give him love the way he knows love, which is constant attention and activity.

The purpose of this post is to ask if any others had such young kids do that with their hands and if their kids also seemed to crave social interaction so much. The sensory issues,intermittent hand movement and hyperactivity are some areas I am wondering about with Ron t.

Last edited by natesmom on 14 Mar 2009, 3:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You might want to read The Out Of Sync Child. There are some nice therapies moms can do in there.

Great advice! Thank you
I have never read that book but have heard wonderful things about it.

Sounds like Ron may have ADHD, and maybe sensory issues, both of which are more common in relatives of AS.

My sister has ADHD.

ADHD = distracted, poor short term memory, impulsive, hyperactive, ... (hyperactivity is like reverse motion sickness - you feel sick when staying still)

My AS son has always craved social interaction. He just was never successful at it. A difficult combination. Still, he didn't give up. He seemed pretty oblivious when he was little to his social failures. His fine motors seemed fine at that age and he was aggresively affectionate - still is. No one would have thought him autistic, but no one thought him "average," either.

I know it's so hard to know at this age.

I have sensory issues with ADHD and anxiety (more ADD now). I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he ends up with the ADHD dx later on.

DW - that is interesting to know. As "Ron" grows older, I am sure it will be easier to really know for sure.
I just hope we get through his childhood with no broken bones. This child seriously has no fear. Yesterday he was standing on the seat of his rocking horse bouncing up and down cracking up. He fell, cried and got back up to do it again. The pictures I got from that are pretty funny. I know a lot of kids are a little like that but he really takes it to a whole new level. He is like this almost constantly unless he is in an overstimulating environment or new environment and then he becomes my "catatonic" baby. Horrible term but it basically sums him up in those situations and completely shuts down. The type of personality that affects Nate the most are hyperactive individuals. Ron is definitely playing the younger brother role well and irritates Nate to no end. I end up feeling horrible for Nate but a little bad for Ron in that Ron really just wants to play but Nate wants nothing to do with him (like a typical sibling relationship in a lot of ways but the are so opposite in their sensory profile).

I honestly can't believe how well Ron sings. He has been singing on key since he was at least 11 months! When we are in the car, Nate likes to read numbers on houses or figure things out mathematically or is just talking incessantly while Ron is singing all the time - constantly singing. They are in their own little worlds. My husband and are are usually going crazy because we have our own sensory issues and prefer more quite but end up laughing about it because it's all really quite interesting. The only time I can understand Ron is when he sings

I just want to make sure my kids stay happy. Ron is definitely a happy child just like Nate. They just show being happy in completely different ways. Life is always interesting. I know that none of us likes extremely overstimulating situations so we happily avoid those situations whenever possible:)

Last edited by natesmom on 14 Mar 2009, 3:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My now 10 year old AS son J was just like your Ron when he was very young. He was hyper, he would and could sing lots of songs, in fact he was so good at singing and remembering songs that a friend of mine bought her friend over to listen to my amazingly clever baby.

J's first word was at approx 5 1/2 months. I remember travelling in the car with J and we could only play the same series of music tapes or he would scream for the entire journey. We learnt to sing the songs on the tapes and would take it in turns singing if for some reason we didn't have the tapes in the car.

J was and still tries to be very social-however its all on his terms. He rules the interation. Things have gotten worse as he has gotten older, I guess he has been burnt so to speak to many times now by other kids, he is more nervous/cautiuos with who he will approach. When he was very young he was loud and in your face and had no fear. We only really had contact with one other toddler the same age as my J. The other toddler was scared of my J because he was so loud and bossy, J was great with adults-they all thought he was so so clever and cute. It wasn't until kindergarten (4 years old) and interactions with other children his own age that J changed- he became more withdrawn socially,more anxious, less able to hear us. The talking to himself became really apparent. We hadn't noticed until this age that he didn't play the same games as other children, he did play with soldiers (was obsessed by them) but he would spend hours setting up bases. It was at this age that he had his first ever play date- was not a great outcome, he refused to play with the other child, he was more interested in one of the childs toys, he was oblivious to the fact that the other child was screaming and crying because J wouldn't play with him.

Amongst those that knew J he could have been labeled adhd, put him in a situation with other children and he would slip off into his own little world, until that is he had done his own assesment of the situation and become comfortable. He did in fact get the adhd label when he was 6yrs old. It didn't explain everything though so I never really believed it. Still to this day, J can appear adhd when thrown into a new situation with too much sensory stuff going on or if he gets really excited.

J still sings- I think its a stim. Touch- is on J's terms. J likes to touch, but can have issues with others touching him. Fine motor skills-have always been a huge issue. Socially- If J is interested in you he will annoy the cr@p out of you, he doesn't realise that he is doing this, if he isn't interested you can't make him no matter what you do.

I know this was a long post sorry, I'm sure I didn't stay on topic either, lol oops again Just some of what you typed reminded me of my son- keep an eye on it. One of J's other aspie friends sounds just like your Nate when he was younger, but your Ron sounds more like my J. Chalk and cheese, but now good friends.

Do you know since my son was diagnosed I have seen so many traits in my other two children. I had taken the advice of some wonderful parents on this site and had my older son assessed and it turned out that he did not have AS. He has some sensory/coordination issues and has been receiving OT for them. He is a different kid now, as NT as could be.

I guess I learned that allot of these behaviours dont always mean AS. Im so glad I took the advice from WP parents, now I dont worry about him at all. I also have a younger child who worried the hell out of me too. I was finding so many traits in her too that I was missing the good stuff that she was doing.

From a young age he had so much great non-verbal communication, bringing me things to share, joint attention etc., but all I was seeing was the flapping of the hands, poor eye contact, not great for kisses hugs. We are super sensitive to traits and find them like a radar!! !

Maybe stop and look at the good stuff, bet there will be more there than you thought. My daughter is shy but getting better now she has turned two. I was told by the psychologist that you could expect siblings of a dx kid to be poorer socially that NT kids.

She did all strange stuff with her hands too, It all changed when she recently turned 2yrs. Maybe grew out of it!!

Good that you are keeping an eye on it, hang in there, as we all know 'time will tell'! !! !! ! xx

Thank you and great advice. Ron has some great skills. I just hope he doesn't break a bone anytme soon. Just today, he put on his brothers helmet and hoped on his bike. He got mad when he couldn't reach the peddles. When I tried to help him, he pushed my hands off the handle bars and yelled, "No!". LOL He is definitely a strong willed child.

The only thing I would add is that I have noticed that babies and toddlers will get to a point where it seems like they don't want to be cuddled, but in fact they associate cuddles with going to sleep and resent any attempt to interfere with play time. Just suggesting a possibility that seems to fit the age.

LOL
I was just thinking about that today. very good point. Now that you mention it, he really hates cuddling at night. Sometimes the glaringly obvious is so hard to see. Thanks!
I am now thinking it's just his age. I am also noticing that the hand thing is more of his attempt to use sign language to communicate. For a few days, though, it seemed a little out of the ordinary.