Another Toilet issue?! !

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I know this issue comes up so often, I hope someone has some advice on this particular issue.

My dx son 4yrs is fully toilet trained day and night with no problems. The issue we have is that he will wait till the VERY last second to go to the toilet.

I have read here that maybe he doesnt feel the signal to go, but he 'jiggs' around the place for ages, unable to sit still cause the need to go is so bad!! So I guess he knows he needs to go, he is just choosing not to for some reason.

Its not that he is doing something he really loves and doesnt want to stop doing that thing, he is like this always.

In the end I have to take him by the hand and bring him against his will. I dont think he is afraid of the flushing cause he happily flushes himself without being asked. He is not a big fan of having his hands washed, doesnt like them wet!! But that is a recent thing, he never minded handwashing in the past, but this issue of holding on to the bitter end has always been the way.

My older NT son 7yrs does this too, but not to the same degree. I think his is a lasy issue. He may even have a little 'accident' cause he has waited too long, and then someone has made him laugh, tickled him etc.

Whats going on with all of this? If I just ignore him and let him go when he is ready, at the end when he cant take it any more, he is jumping up and down asking me to bring him, he wont go alone. Oh and he will NEVER have an accident, he is so good at holding on!!

Am I missing some fear going on here? or is he lazy or what?

Any advice would be great, thanks guys xx

I wish I had the answer but I can tell you that I went through this with my NT daughter and we've had the occassional accident clear through age 7, but they definitely grew fewer and further between as time went on. The doctor and teachers et all kept telling me that "some kids just are that way." Kept me from buying any new carpet or flooring, though. She did, fortunately, learn to prevent the accidents in public, first.

My son went through phases of being afraid of the toilet flush and so on, but he was successful in holding it. Some super power, perhaps.

If you have truly eliminated every possible fear and medical condition, and he seems to know but still isn't going, I would simply (and somewhat unhelpfully) suggest that it is some sort of developmental issue.

Well, I had an urologist suggest it was a "behavioral" issue with my child. He just gets so wrapped up in things that he can't go until he just can't wait.

What has helped us is every 2.5 to 3 hours he is reminded that it's time to try and go. Just imagine being in the middle of a GREAT movie, and realizing that the giant movie beverage you drank is going to make you have to miss the most exciting part. I'm thinking it's somewhat comparable. Being reminded to try gives him the amount of time he needs to "wrap" something up to take a break from it as well.

My child also seems to need a transition time. Just something, ANYTHING, he will have to stop on his way and align 3 pencils, or spin twice, or do a roll on the ground, or lightly headbutt something a couple times. When you've really got to go, that's the worst time to need to do something before you can do what you need to do.

Thanks for the replies. If we suggest that he goes from time to time he would really really protest.

The only time he actually 'gives in' is when he just cant hold any longer. This could be after a couple of hours of 'jigging' around, running about, anything to help him keep it in ! !! Then he would get upset saying 'lets go mummy' for me to bring him, he wont go alone.

I suppose as he has no accidents I should just wait and see if he 'grows' out of it, but Im not sure its too good for his bladder/kidneys!! !

Also all that 'jigging' about drives me mad ! !!

With my child it was enough that the doctor said we should try this to see if it helps. We used a timer, and I helped him figure out what time it would ding. What time will it be in 3 hours? (He loves timers so there ya have that!)

He was a little against it at first but as soon as I would set the timer and he could figure out when it would ding it went well.

But he really couldn't have cared less that he was having accidents, he'd try to make it then, oops. (then he'd just ignore it and go back to class wet, not say anything to anyone unless asked and directly questioned about it.) It was an "oh man, oh well." type of thing.