Help with extensive list of behavioral issues at school.

Post Reply New Topic

My family moved from NJ to CT, Nov. 2008. My 9 yr old son was diagnosed having AS/ADHD in first grade. He has remained in the classroom setting with support. During the last 1.5 months, the emails of concern from special ed staff have increased exponentially. 1 month ago, they asked us to go to a psychologist, which we immediately did and 2 weeks ago another request for a psychiatrist with the idea that meds need changing (he has used Concerta since diagnosis) and they wanted an update of his diagnosis.

Here is the exact list they sent to the psychologist

1. Inability to attend and focus; off task as much as every 2 minutes
2. Extreme oppositionality, even to very basic and routine requests/argumentativeness
3. Great variability in mood from day to day
4. Extreme anger at limit-setting, inability to take “no” for an answer
5. Inability to move off one thought/racing thoughts
6. Appears to be obsessing about video games he’s involved in, very difficult to pull back
7. Inability to transition easily from anything he’s involved in
8. Increasing preoccupation with angry/violent thoughts
9. Misinterpretation of social/emotional events/egocentricity
10. Difficult to engage with peers and adults, usually self-absorbed, easily angered
11. Inability to consistently see connection between his behavior and positive or negative consequences
12. He requires 1:1 support and intervention throughout the school day.
13. He frequently talks to himself

Here is what I see at home:
- Depending on task, he can focus, homework requires (and always has) me to sit next to him or write what he says as he moves about.
- He still writes like he did in first grade, illegible and grammatical and spelling wrong (though his dictation of thoughts and stories is wonderful and expressive
- Not oppositional at home, especially with routines, if routines are changed like sleeping in on Saturdays and not getting dressed, there can be issues
- Extreme anger not seen in 6 months until this last week, twice directed at me. Which by the way, as I felt more and more helpless trying to calm him, I cried and he switched modes so fast and has been wonderfully sweet and attentive to me since. Me crying was really difficult for him to endure (it really was accidental)
- Thoughts/racing thoughts, oh yes so fast the words get tangles coming out, finishing sentences can be daunting for the listener
- He obsesses on the “thing” of the month, movies, games, toys, Garfield comics
- Transitioning can be difficult but not too often; using timers and setting the rules ahead of time works pretty well
- As he is new to therapy, he is trying to express his frustrations and categorizing them such as his dark side. I asked point blank if he ever thought of hurting himself and he said quite innocently, “why would I do that, I have too much to live for”.
- Can be difficult to engage, plays alone for hours if allowed, however if he is his wanting to engage, then he is totally in.
- He gets the consequences, do this and you will lose that, or time-outs.

I am new to this site and hopefully have not burned everyone out. But I figure there are many of you who can tell me what I really need to go after. Are you all yelling yikes? He really is manageable at home, full of mischief and fun, but they see none of this at school. Yes, he fights homework; so not surprising they don’t see as much of the fun side, but wow. We are continuing therapy, trying Vyvanse with the idea that later perhaps using an anti psychotic as well.
What change in diagnosis do you think they are seeking?

Thanks in advance.

Is the school overstepping their bounds requesting updates of medication and updating diagnosis? Just a thought.

I have a meeting in a few minutes so I cannot address much right now, but I'll tell you my first thought as I read your post: pull him out of school and home school. I am NOT a home school fanatic, and we have not needed to do it ourselves, but I have listened and watched enough to know that for some kids a classroom and 20 - 30 noisy kids cannot be made to work. The vast majority of what you list sounds reactive, and the most likely trigger is something about the school environment. Our elementary school is wonderful with AS, but a friend had to pull her son out anyway, and he is THRIVING with home school.

I actively email his teachers and the school psychologist and have encouraged open dialog, so if they are overstepping, its likely my fault.

With regards to the classroom setting, I was remiss in in that I neglected to say he has smaller, 6 kid times during the day with the special ed teacher. However, this teacher has commented lately that my son is occupying too much of his time and the other 5 children still need input. He was more tactful about saying this than I, but the real issue is why is everything seemingly worse? I specifically asked at our IEP meeting if my child was actually regressing, they thought no, but were disappointed at the pace of his progress.

In the larger classroom setting, there is an adult helper who works with him, though he seems to not like this individual or perhaps he directs all his anger at her, I do not know with certainty. They also give him a break to run around prior to some afternoon class times.

There just seems to be a lot going on here and I am trying to understand the big picture, catch my mistakes now and save this child from a whole lot of heartache at least as much as I can. ie, when he yells at teachers, kids shy away from him. He loves playing with others and if I cannot figure out a way to prevent this, not having friends will hurt him.

Because he desires to play with kids, I'd love to figure out a way to keep him in school. But homeschooling at this point cannot be overlooked I suppose.

I obviously dont know the entire situation, but based upon what you have said, I can only guess that his aid isnt being very nice to him. By that I mean she is saying 'do this, now do this, dont do that, do this, etc.' Now it may her job to guide your son, but from his perspective he is being bossed around by a very annoying person who does nothing but nag and demand things all day long.

Ideally the aid should support your child by recommending things, explaining things, and helping your child to remember things he may have forgotten. My guess is that is what you do at home. Your use of timers, advanced warnings, and patience sounds like good parenting. The aid may not have the patience for this and jump strait to the direct route, otherwise known as 'do what I say now', and 'dont question me, just do what I tell you to'. As anybody with AS, or any parent will tell you, that is the quickest way to lose the child's respect, and gain their contempt. After you have lost the person's respect, then its not surprising that they become defiant and dont follow instructions.

Also, it sounds like whoever wrote the report seems to be overstating the problems. For example:

1. Inability to attend and focus; off task as much as every 2 minutes
Well yes, I do that too, especially when the task I am given doesnt interest me. Ive just learned to notice when I am drifting off, and get back on task by myself. I'm 22 years old and have a degree in engineering, if I drift off every few minutes when a tasks bores me then how do they expect a 9 year old child to stay on task? That would be like writing on the list, 'This child can't dunk a basketball yet, which is very problematic'.

2. Extreme oppositionality, even to very basic and routine requests/argumentativeness
If they keep demanding things from him without explaining why and not listening to him then its no surprise that he becomes defensive. This is a normal, healthy reaction to somebody trying to run your life. It is also known as not being a mindless pushover. Americans went to war with the British in order to gain their independence and make their own decisions. If people were willing to die in order to have the freedom to make decisions about their own life, then its not surprising your son is also fighting this. Please DO NOT!! !! ! put your son on potentially mind destroying anti-psychotic medication just so he will be more pliable. All that stuff does is lower your brains ability to function, and thus make you less able to think and put up a fight, it doesnt fix the problem, and often times makes the child's quality of life much much worse. You can read these forums and find horror stories about people who were put on anti-psychotics like Risperdal and how it destroyed their childhood.

3. Great variability in mood from day to day
Also known as being human. Most people will put on a fake smile and pretend to have a good day no matter what. When they see somebody who is honest and lets it be known that they arent happy it seems like wild mood swings.

4. Extreme anger at limit-setting, inability to take “no” for an answer
Same as #2.

5. Inability to move off one thought/racing thoughts
Transitions take a bit of practice, and learning to remain calm and change your train of thought comes with time. Be patient and supportive, and help your child through the transitions by talking with him about it. For example, give him a schedule ahead of time and let him know what to expect. If things change, then please explain this to the child and give a reason why the change occurred. Skill at transitioning will come with time and practice, there is nothing medication can do to help it.

6. Appears to be obsessing about video games he’s involved in, very difficult to pull back
Same as #5.

7. Inability to transition easily from anything he’s involved in
Same as #5.

8. Increasing preoccupation with angry/violent thoughts
You have to be careful about this. Many adults jump strait to the conclusion that talking about anything remotely violent is a red flag that he is about to attack somebody. I can assure you that I play violent video games and also at times get angry, its just part of being human. Who doesnt get angry, especially when your teachers and aids are being demanding and nagging you constantly. This sounds like a normal reaction to a stressful situation, not anything wrong with your son, and certainly nothing to medicate. If he wasn't being defiant then random angry thoughts might need closer examination. But since he is being defiant, is it a pretty safe bet to assume that he is feeling pressured, and harassed by his teachers, and he is only getting angry, and being stubborn in self defense.

9. Misinterpretation of social/emotional events/egocentricity
This is also referred to as Asperger's Syndrome. Difficulty seeing things from a different perspective is written into the diagnosing criteria. Don't worry, this doesnt make your son a bad or inconsiderate person. He just needs a bit of explanation about how normal people think. To be honest, while the people with autism may seem weird to you, I can guarantee that it works both ways. You normal people seem VERY strange to me. As a result, I often have times predicting your reaction because you are very very random and very weird. This is something your child will just have to learn to deal with, its not something that you can fix with medication.

10. Difficult to engage with peers and adults, usually self-absorbed, easily angered
Same as #9

11. Inability to consistently see connection between his behavior and positive or negative consequences
Most likely he is just getting frustrated and acting out. It is very hard to calmly think through actions when you are in an agitated state. The more effective course of action is to avoid getting agitated. If your son remains calm at home then you obviously wont see this problem. But if the school keeps pushing him then its no surprise that he is becoming more frustrated, and agitated, and thus having difficulty thinking clearly.

12. He requires 1:1 support and intervention throughout the school day.
Perhaps if they stopped trying to have him do things he cant do yet, he wouldnt need constant attention. My guess is that what you have here is a feedback loop. The child has a small problem, and the aid corrects him in a condescending and demanding manner. This causes your son to become defensive and act out, which results in the aid trying to correct that again by telling him what to do. Repeat until you have the current situation.

13. He frequently talks to himself.
Since when was this a bad thing? I do this all the time, it helps me to organize my thoughts.

Please understand, I am not saying that the school is intentionally creating this problem. They are probably just as bothered by this as your son is. They just arent handling things properly. And I can assure you that medicating your son more, especially with anti-psychotics is NOT the proper way to go. They may make him more compliant, but it doesnt solve the issue at hand. Instead the better course of action would be to help him by providing advice, hints, and information, not make all his decisions for him. You may also want to check out a book called 'the explosive child'. I can't say that I agree with absolutely everything written in the book, but I definitely think it is a good read, and may help you to understand the situation.

I agree with most of that Tracker has said and would have probably posted similarly, so I'll just add my tiny bit. I didn't respect many of my teachers in school, the reason for this was that they didn't respect me very much in most cases. You sound like you respect your child, thus get respect in return. Respect is a mutual thing, a person can't respect someone who doesn't respect them.

I have noticed that some people expect respect because of what their job title is instead of how they act. Perhaps ask if they can change the aid (if possible, I know it may not be) and see if that makes a difference. If changing the aid isn't possible, perhaps ask to talk with the aid to find out what methods are used, and, after hearing all about their method, explain how you do things. Don't let yourself get pushed about during this conversation. Their way is not working for them and your way is working for you.

I know that I have used the word respect a lot but it is very important. Take care and be well.

Have they conducted a functional behavior assessment? I would request an FBA. They would need to look at things in more detail. Medication isn't the whole issue there. It could be part of the issue but not all of it. Some of it could be how the teachers are responding, some of it could be stimulus overload, it may another child...an FBA will help sort out those issue. From there, they should have enough information to develop a good behavior intervention plan.

You said he can focus during homework. Concerta usually lasts around 10-12 hours depending on the child's metabolism. Does he get booster? If not, there is a chance the med isn't correct or he may need another type of med before the concerta. Sometimes stimulants help with certain behaviors but can cause some other behaviors to become worse. IF he has been on meds for a while, it may be difficult to know for sure. Stimulants do cause certain people to become even more irritable than usual. Just a thought. Some kids may need a mood stabilizer first and then the stimulant added. Stimulants can cause some individuals to have racing thoughts as well. They should tell you what they are thinking. I would just come out and ask them.

I talk to myself too, but I've learned not to verbalize it when I'm around NTs. I have to talk myself through situations sometimes; it helps with executive dysfunction. Nos. 9, 10, 11, and 13 are pretty typical of AS. He needs to learn perspective-taking and have social skills training as far as #9 is concerned.

My As son had a horror year last year at the 8 yr old age. They often say that they get a testosterone boost, start realising they are socially different, plus the work at school gets more abstract. I thought my horror movie would never end, but we have turned a corner this year (thankfully!).

Could it be that the school are expecting too much of your child and not giving him the space, flexibility and downtime that he needs? I agree that an FBA could help. I think my son's biggest issue was that he needs to feel in control of his own programme and have room for flexibility and social distance, whereas the approach to help was to try and control him by a rigid timetable and keeping him on task 100% of the time. This just backed him into a corner and caused huge problems. Don't know if any of that resonates with your situation, but I would say that if he is not so bad at home, but terrible at school, then there is something in the school enrivonment that is triggering him . . . and that means that there is an onus on the school to find what it is and adapt things.

Just a thought too . . . is there any chance that your child is also gifted? Giftedess can often be masked by learning/behaviour problems. If your child is gifted, but getting treated like a dummy in all areas, then this will cause big problems.

my immediate thoughts are: what changed 1 month ago to make this all occur ?...........is there a new teacher, new expectations ??

Thanks everyone for your replies and suggestions. It will take some time to digest all that has been said and reply (and of course ask more questions), but wow its all helpful!

I have never heard of the FBA, but a quick google search told me some and it sounds appropriate. Is it quite standardized and how can that work. The person/persons administering it are trained in a standard way, ie they are experts. What are the pitfalls? Do they watch a child's interaction with all teachers and kids for extended periods of time? Are they able later to help in the training of child and teachers (and parent helpers).

I'd like to post some of the recent emails from the school for more insight. Is this inappropriate? Do I need to delete names (they are only first names or last)?

Thanks!

If you post the content of the emails, definitely delete all the names, school name, and anything else that could identify or narrow the field on who wrote them.

a FBA= Functional Behavioral Analysis.......typically, individuals on a team create them together. everyone on the team gets together after observing the specific behavior they're looking to decrease/eliminate...a discussion takes place as to possible antecedents, causes, and consequences....the team comes to an agreement about what method to try first, when to decide that the first method is a success or failure- and what to do next.

3//3/09
Regarding the attention issues- (your son) is in classes of course with various sized groups. As a result, sometimes in the context of a large group it’s hard to monitor just how often he’s not attending. All of us who work closely with (your son) will continue to counsel him about more positive ways we can help him to attend better, but we also have to teach him how to respond to teachers when he’s called upon, or has not completed a task because of his inability to maintain focus. I know we would love to hear him say, ”I’m sorry, I missed that,” or “I was thinking about something else could you repeat that, please.” His most frequent response is “You didn’t tell me that!” Of course we avoid any back and forth arguing, and we definitely are not trying to “catch him” off task. In fact, we usually try to set him up to respond when we know he is engaged. It has to be very frustrating for him, both in academic situations and also social situations. I know other students have noticed his behavior and have expressed concerns and questions. When he earns his “Wii time” we always have him invite a friend so they can get to know him in a different light.

Regarding the medication-We all have noticed that there is a definite change after about 2:00 p.m. He’s much harder to get back on focus. His morning is more varied each day because he has various specials (art, music etc.), 30 minutes with me for spelling and then back to THE AID for an hour or so of reading. The afternoon is much more academic, pretty much split between his class and the resource room (math). We’ve built in an a.m. and p.m. Wii time, as well as a 15 minute break around 2:15ish. This is all in an effort to give him a sensory break as well as a social reward for working on his personal goals. I honestly can’t advise you regarding the medication-but will continue to describe and give you feedback about his behavior as we see it. Is his medication strictly for the ADHD?

3/9/09
I have a few minutes before a PPT and wanted to let you know that XXX had a good day. I have had an interesting opportunity this week to observe him taking the CMTs (CT standardized testing). He’s been very cooperative, however, I’ve been able to observe the frequency with which he “checks out,” and becomes distracted by his own thoughts. I have to sit nearby and at least with every other question, I had to gently tap the paper or remind him to get back to work and focus. He usually complies, but it really has driven home with me the difficulty he has maintaining focus on one task. Often, I have to repeat myself and I believe that he’s truly is not trying to ignore me-he’s just so internally distracted. In the middle of a math test question today he asked me if I knew what a valet was-I asked him it was a word in his math problem and he said he heard it on a TV show called “Chowder.” After the test I asked him to stay back so we could chat. I told him that all his teachers understand that he has trouble focusing and that we ‘re trying to help him with this as well as be flexible regarding some of our expectations. His response was that all teachers …”are liars…and out to get me!” I mentioned the role of his medication in helping him focus. His response was, “That stuff doesn’t work at all! It worked for one day!” I don’t know his full history with the medication but it does make me wonder if this is a topic worth exploring further.

We talked more about his difficulty focusing and how sometimes he will get frustrated with people and accuse them of not telling him something (directions etc.) and I told him that we recognize some of his strengths as well-good mind, sense of humor and that we’ve seen him act very nice. When I mentioned this last attribute he looked at me like I was crazy and said, “I’m not nice!” I started to try to get him to talk more about this but he was anxious to go back to class. His self-perception is troubling and perhaps something which can be explored further with him and perhaps his therapist and you.

3/13/09
Part of the issue (from my perspective) is his dramatic mood swings. Our speech pathologist overheard some kids in line last week quietly speculating on why he acts “so mean.” They witness his disrespect for teachers and, at times, peers. As I’ve mentioned before, he’s in a very tolerant and compassionate class of kids. While teasing may occur, I think his inability to reflect upon or consistently tune into others feelings and needs offends other kids. Just as he is challenged to pay attention and focus (particularly when he has to listen) in academic situations, this also occurs in social situations. Consequently, he misses information his peers have shared and (like with his teachers) accuses them of not telling him something (i.e. rules of a game) or misconstruing social situations. Yesterday, he wanted to use the classroom bathroom (which has become a problem of late, and may be being used as an avoidance refuge). The door was closed and when THE AID knocked, a girl in class replied that she was in there. When he was told this he said in an extremely nasty and disrespectful voice (for all the other kids to hear) that he didn’t believe her. THE AID has been extremely supportive to him and one of the key people in steering him away from troublesome situations and facilitating his learning (not to mention the person who brings he and a friend to play Wii every afternoon.) She and I talk daily and she is truly an advocate for him. His paranoia and defensiveness is very troubling.

3/22/09
I’ve worked with many kids with a variety of learning differences and diagnoses. I’ve worked with kids from kindergarten through eighth grade who have difficulties with attention and a reluctance and/or specific difficulty with written expression. He has certainly presented himself with these characteristics, but what makes him a particularly challenging student, especially within a mainstreamed classroom, is his oppositional and defiant behavior. This, in combination with the ADHD and writing issues, requires creative programming, consistent behavior management, daily informal, “school survival ‘ counseling (which he can’t tolerate for very long without getting extremely defensive and pointing blame at everyone). Has his behavior interfered with his academic progress? I don’t think he’s getting significantly behind other fourth graders. But is he working to his potential? I don’t believe so. All of us who work with him recognize his strong intelligence. We have also witnessed those moments of joy and laughter. I don’t know if (his regular class teacher) has spoken to you yet about his oral report on his creature creation. (his regular class teacher) said it was terrific. He sat before the class and with great poise and delivered his oral presentation and earned high marks. Unfortunately, later that same day, he could be refusing to comply with a directive, loudly and disrespectfully, in front of his classmates (who are complying with the same directive), alienating himself from his peers and sending them the message that he is different and perhaps someone to be avoided.

He often seems to enter school and different classes as if it’s one big imposition. For most kids, they recognize the differences and structures between home and school. I’m not sure he consistently sees this distinction. As a result he often appears surprised when he is called on something. For example, the other day he was allowed to use the legos during his 15 minute afternoon break time. When break was over, he was asked to pick them up and put them back in the box. He refused. He was told that he would lose this privilege the next time ( he brushed it off) and was shocked and defiant the next day when he was held to this consequence. These are the simple cause and effect scenarios that we have to play out with him constantly.

Another behavior, with which (his regular class teacher) and I have shared a concern, is he “escapes” from reality. His drawings and conversations with himself (?) happen frequently. During testing he asked me one day if I “ Heard that voice.” He said someone was speaking. I told him that I didn’t hear anything (the room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop) and he said ,”Never mind.” This could be innocent imaginings, a characteristic of his ADHD, or something requiring further investigation by someone more qualified than me.

We all care for him and are doing our best to set him up for success. I think his positive approach to counseling is a big step. We’re collaborating here at SE every day and cheering him for those times when he shows progress. He finally, (no matter what he has told you, this was the first time), told (his regular class teacher) that he was sorry that he didn’t hear some directions and asked if they could be repeated. (His regular teacher) said he told him how much he appreciated that response. I have yet to have him tell me this, but I know he will soon.

4/9/09
I don’t know if (his regular class teacher) will also email you. He had another pretty good morning-again asked about 10:45 a.m. if he could lie on my couch and listen to the story. I was able to nurse him through an hour of math (1:00-2:00), but could see the beginnings of him becoming increasingly harder to focus-gave him frequent breaks. After he left math (around 2:00 p.m.) and returned to his classroom he proceeded to have a bit of a meltdown. He left the classroom without permission and stormed back to my room. When he returned he was unable to participate and had to be asked to leave the classroom b/c of oppositional behavior. I guess we can safely say that the afternoons this week have been a struggle for him in terms of his ability to maintain the focus and energy necessary to function even with many modifications and a lot of patient and tolerant teachers and classmates. I tried to talk with him this afternoon. Unfortunately, he was unable to discuss anything in any reasonable way- a lot of blaming The AID. and rambling, unrealistic thinking, wanting to escape into drawings and generally unable to see any cause and effect as it related to his behavior and the subsequent consequences (i.e. no Wii time etc., unable to participate in classroom academic activities etc.)

As he goes through this period of adjusting/experimentation with new meds we’ll continue to report what we’re seeing here at school. Keep in mind, and I hope he can understand this as well, that we continued to see many positive behaviors these past few weeks.

4/13
He always seems to try to apply your feedback to him better than he does ours. I’m wondering, (if you already haven’t done this), if you and your husband could explain to him that during this adjustment period with new medication that he’s not always going to be the best judge of his behavior and that he’s going to have to trust his teachers to support him through this. As I mentioned before, the afternoons last week were extremely difficult for him as well as those of us working with him. The most ordinary of requests and expectations were met with defiance, sometimes very publicly, which doesn’t help his peer relations. We understand that he doesn’t mean for this to happen and that most likely it’s a response to his inability to sustain focus, particularly when demands are placed upon his writing skills (which require so many different skill sets to coordinate!). His defensiveness and unwillingness to even meet us half way is significantly interfering with our ability to further his skills in the area that is weakest-written expression. As I’ve reported to you before, this was happening before the recent change in meds.

Just some thoughts before we start the new week,

4/13 (my reply to the previous email

I talked to him about supporting you guys and trusting you, and yes the new meds have nothing to do with this I know.

I don't know how to write the next issue in an email that won't put everyone in the defensive mode, but I have to ask, so hear it goes.

He said Thurs. night (when I mentioned your email) that he apologized to the AID and her reply to this was, "that's not good enough". He must have really unhinged her? Whether or not this happened exactly this way is less important than his take home message. The reply bothers me and I am left worrying that there is too much animosity there? I know she works hard with him and I am very thankful for this, but are the 2 personalities just not a good combo? This whole year, the one person that consistently sets him off when we talk at home (as well as when we saw the psychiatrist) is this AID. He (my son) is unforgiving in some situations (like dentists that try and deceive him about needles) and needs to learn to get past this, but this won't happen overnight, so I cannot fix the issues between him and the AID, at least not from home. Perhaps meeting with the AID and you guys could help? Put my son on the team? Give him a voice in all this, let him take ownership of his actions and let him say what has angered him??? My fear is it will backfire (having a meeting) and I will have the AID on the defense as well as you guys, not my intention. Again, I am not accusing, but I am pleading with you to help me turn this relationship around or separate them... what is best at this point????

4/13 reply back to me

Some interesting points-please give me a few days to think about this. Today was a consistently positive day for him. One adjustment I’ve made to his schedule is that from now on, after math class (with me), instead of going immediately back to his classroom, (which does a Number Corner exercise similar to what I do each day with his group), he is going to stay in my room and do a keyboarding lesson called Type-To-Learn for 15 minutes. It teaches keyboarding skills and rewards the user with some video games after they pass certain levels. I spoke to his regular teacher about this and he agreed this is a worthwhile activity for your son. The more confident and competent he becomes with keyboarding the more we’ll be able to move him to word prediction software etc. We tried it out today and he was very focused as he went through the first lesson. We then gave him a break until 2:30 when you picked him up. Good start to the week.

4/14
He had another good day. He jokingly told the AID., who accompanies and supports him in Music that he had heard enough about what a good job he was doing. I’ve had some time to investigate and reflect upon your concerns regarding his relationship with the AID. The AID had actually shared with me her response that day when (your son) apologized. I was not concerned because the phrase “that’s not enough…” was followed by some very specific feedback about what he needed to do beyond the apology. I have observed the AID being a consistently supportive and patient advocate for him. Unfortunately, her scheduled time with him happens to be during his class’ writing time-in the late afternoon-the most challenging academic subject for him. (His regular teacher) and I have spoken often and brainstormed various ways to make this a more productive and less challenging time for (your son), and consequently, for the AID. It truly would not make a difference if it was me in that role at that time, particularly as he was going through this adjustment period to medication. That being said, these last two days, (perhaps because of the combination of counseling, both formal and informal, and the adjustment to the new medication) have been very positive. The new keyboarding intervention has helped as well.
I have had situations where I’ve had to switch a student’s support person for one reason or another. (His regular teacher) and I both feel it’s not necessary at this point. We’re very pleased with the job the AID is doing during her afternoon time with him. We will keep an eye on things and won’t hesitate to make a change if we see that it’s warranted. Also, in this regard, the AID was brainstorming with him today about perhaps changing his behavior sheet and matching it up a bit closer to something you’re using at home.(prompted by (your son) telling her about the home system). He described it a bit to us and I’m not sure it lends itself to school but the AID rightly saw an opportunity to involve him in this process. Perhaps when you get a chance you can describe it or send us a template?


AND this week my son has been stunningly attentive and therefore behaviorally much better. Higher dose of Vyvanse, yes, however he says that it is not the reason, he just wants to earn playtime for being good. I have seen this before (I call it the honeymoon time) as it is a time where a change in meds perhaps raises expectations and enthusiasm and we all become more positive and hopeful and my son rises to the occasion. If it is the new med., wonderful (easy fix), but I won’t be upset if this is not the case… that is okay, the glimmers of success are all I need.

FINALLY, the psychiatrist told me yesterday that the diagnosis the school was thinking was bipolar. Hmm, I don’t see it, does anyone else? Do these emails help to give an unbiased picture of his school activities?

It is no surprise that the school is leaning towards bipolar. I could have guessed that in the language used to describe your son "dramatic mood swings" and "escape from reality" and "hearing voices" and "paranoia"

They are not understanding him in the proper way, looking for other reasons for behavior. Your son intuits this and is reacting negatively or giving them what they're seeking. It's a self-fulfilling prophesy.

I'm shocked at the language that's tossed around so casually by this teacher. She is "troubled" by your son's "paranoia" and I would add that her comments are troubling.

You might not like my advice, but I would take him OUT of this environment. They are leaning towards bipolar,for whatever reason, and everything is flavored by their bias. It's as if they have convinced themselves that he is not Asperger but bipolar (a much more serious disoder that requires heavy meds and, I believe, is misdiagnosed today). Or, get yourself an autism consultant to work with the team, directly. This has worked beautifully in most cases. It's your private consultant (not connected to school district). It's expensive, but worth it.

Teachers must be careful with the language they use. The Aide had no right to say "It's not enough..." I don't care what followed her response. All your son heard was "It's not enough." And what's up with this wanting to escape into drawings? Well, this is his interest. With an aspie, this is what they do and should be allowed to do it!

Hearing the voice? I do think your son could be afraid himself of "hearing things" and maybe someone has asked him "Are you hearing voices? and this suggestive comment could have disturbed him. Now, he will play into this, or try it out.

You are right on the mark in thinking is amiss. From the language, I would say, yes, it is amiss and the teachers "nursing" (where did she get this word!! !) your son, are biased and taking it upon themselves t rediagnose your son!! He has been diagnosed by a professional, correct?

As for the mood swings? This is frustration erupting when your son feels misunderstood or overpraised or "nursed" (bizarre) and so he will have melt downs, appear rude, lash out, say he hates everyone, reject peers or anyone that gets in his way. He will be blunt and use inappropriate language. This is part of Aspergers and many kids on the spectrum get overloaded and it's difficult for them to be in the mainstream all day! My son is washed out when he gets home.

Bipoar kids are extreme. They have meltdowns that last hours and it's not situational (from what I've read).

Remember, medicaton can have adverse side effects too and this could be causing some of your son's irritablity. It increases atttention but causes other problems. For this reason, I've avoided meds! You might want to consider alternatives to meds. There are many. Don't ever feel coerced by school to medicate your son! This happens quite abit.

Also, one more thing. That teacher has no right to discuss your son's meds with him. I've witnessed this same thing in a bad school, where the special ed teacher would discuss the boy's meds with him, and how when he didn't take his meds it caused him to act poorly!! ! I was aghast. I'm noticing the same kind of unproffesional behavior with your son's teacher. The meds should never be discussed in such a way. Behavior should be discussed external of prescribed meds. If son was to ask about it, then the parent migth explain or prescribing doctor. That's as far as it should go. Imagine how frightening for a young child to think their behavior is controlled by medication?

I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh, but I was really takena back by those creepy e-mails!
I' hope I've helped some. (I'm from CT too. What section of CT do you live in? I'm in the Northeast region)

equinn

I have read through all of your latest post and I don't really know what to make of it all, to be honest.

The thing that really strikes me is how much he sounds like my NT daughter about some things. Something is going on with her that we have yet to get a finger on, and when I try to imagine her moodiness and inattentiveness combined with the afflications my AS has, I don't thrill to the challenge that would present.

My NT daughter absolutely cannot stay on task, and her self-esteem is really low. Drop of a hat, she can get extremely upset. She often thinks we haven't told her things. Or at least says we haven't ... it is impossible, with her, to distinguish between what she missed because her mind wanders, v. what she says she missed because she knows it will get her a free pass. She is, as we are now becoming aware, intellectually brilliant and also so socially aware that she is perfectly capable of feigning things because it earns her an advantage. The description my husband gives is that her self-defense mechanisms are so extremely sophisticated, that it is hard for us to see when she is using them.

My AS son can't fake us out for the life of him. But my daughter ... absolutely can. It's odd, since he is the better actor when it comes to school plays and such; she isn't very good at that.

The difference, though, between your son and my daughter is that my daughter fakes all her teachers out brilliantly. She wraps them around her pinky finger and they all think she loves school and is thriving. But she isn't.

For that reason, I have no doubt that whatever your son and my duaghter share, it is outside of the AS. Your son sounds very AS to me; even if there is another layer there, do NOT let that be replaced or downplayed. Keep the issues separate; there can be many layers here.

I have considered bi-polar for my daughter, but we've been wrapped up in so many more immediate issues that I haven't had a chance to set her up with a pediatric psychologist. I am not interested in medicating her regardless; she IS performing at school, even if completing assingments is an issue (given that her teacher's adore her and she scores brilliantly on all the testing, she tends to be given a pass on that). But I would like to know. She is the one I really worry about losing to suicide someday; she can be so very very down, talking about wanting to sleep forever and never wake up and the like. It terrifies me. Have you EVER seen anything like that with your son?

Anyway, I could be totally off the mark comparing the two, and I haven't said anything useful I'm afraid, but it is what I couldn't help thinking as I was reading.

But I do need to add ...

I've learned, over time, that with AS EXTERNAL issues can easily be misunderstood as INTERNAL issues, and this is what will also have to be sorted out. Are there triggers that can be mitigated, and then these patterns go away?

And what is the role of medication in all this? It CAN create paranoia and other things that appear as mental health issues when the reality is they wouldn't have existed without the meds. With my daughter there are no meds, so I know that what I see is her. But that is not so clear with your son.

I think I would like to know what your son is like if he is off meds and homeschooled. Getting down to that level of evironmental purity may be the only way to really know.