Mommy breakdown

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I am having a really bad day. I keep going back and forth with my daughter's AS trying to "crack down" on the behavior because when it get better, she just seems like a spoiled kid. After catching this action on my part, I have usually gotten her into such a state that she regresses from any progress that we made by me treating it as AS. I am not a meanie by any stretch, but having 2 NT kids along with her, I have already experienced some of these things that, as an NT, she should have grown out of by now. I simply forget when the going gets better. I found that if I remind myself of where she was 3 weeks ago, 3 months ago, and where she is now I can be more consistent. I am not sure if I fall in these lapses because I am in denial subconciously??? She has been diagnosed for over 2 years and I have always found it a relief of sorts to know that there is a reason for her mal-behavior, and that there are things to help her feel more balanced. Knowledge is power. I feel like such a horrible person for not recognizing her accomplishments and allowing plateaus in achievement. It isn't all the time, obviously,if I can recognize the problem. I just get so depressed to do wrong by this little sprite.
I have been fighting the school system a lot lately and I feel so bad for her that she doesn't understand why the world turns the way it does. I wish I could take this away for her. Let her be unique, as she so wonderfully is, and also be able to communicate properly and make friends. She tries so hard.

I think that you should let her be unique, and than you'll both be happier. I wasn't allowed to be the way that I was, as a child. I wasn't allowed to act autistic. People with autism are the happiest, when they're allowed to be autistic.

Absolutely. Just let her be herself. She'll turn out more normal in the long run, I suppressed being an aspie for years and as a result I have a malformed personality

I think your screen name says it all That's the way it is. And it's hard to remember to deal wth things one way for children A and B, and another for child C.

Where does you AS child sit in the age group with the other children? Mine is my first, so much of my parenting naturally evolved from what worked with AS. My NT child is my 2nd and, well, that lovely parenting that works so beautifully with my AS son is leaving her a little ... spoiled. She so totally knows how to play it. If I try to parent her differently, she comes right back with it not being fair, and so on.

Just keep working at it, trying to remember that your AS child has very different needs than the others, and must be parented differently as a result. All any of us can do is our best.

You are not gonna be able to turn her into an NT...At least to some extent you need to let her be herself.

I am curious as to what this mal-behavior is....

Have you tried social skills therapy to help her with her pragmatic skills? It is working for my son pretty well, and some of his physical communication is being replaced with words. It's helpful for him and he's coming along, albiet slow, but he's moving.

I agree with allowing your child to be themselves. I do that with my son as much as I can, especially at home. I try to remember that this is a developmental disorder, some things will take a long time to develop, some things he is way ahead on and some things he will probably never be able to do like NT's and some things are typical. I pick my battles, and let go some things if they really aren't hurting anything, and I keep reminding myself that this isn't forever. Bigger challenges are ahead. These kids grow and learn like everyone else, just in a different way with different supports. I look at plateaus as a preliminary growth spirt. If you child is anything like my son, he will process in his head first, and when he's ready out it comes in droves. He waits and grows slowley, and then he blows my mind for a few months and then levels out. 3 weeks ago is nothing, look more like a year. Some things take a really long time.

People look at my son, or me more often, and believe he's spoiled and gets away with murder. He really doesn't, and he's a really good kid who doesn't always react appropriately, but he can't help a lot of things he does so we work on that. He tries, and he improves in his own way. I can't ask for more than that. The way I work with him takes time and patience, lots of it, but I teach, and teach, and he learns eventually.

Hang in there, be patient, and relax! She will come to things in her own time, and in her own way. My son is unique, and the most interesting kid I have ever met. I'm sure yours is too...look at it that way!