Talking on the phone

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My husband does a conference call with his brothers every weekend. They got in the habit when my father-in-law was in a nursing home here, so they could all keep up to date, despite being across the country. They've kept the habit as a way of staying in touch with my boys.

CME likes to talk on the phone, except he stinks at it! He'll take the phone and wander off and babble on about whatever is on his mind. Usually, it's his current special interest (a video game) or his imaginary friend. His uncles can't really understand what he's talking about, and he doesn't pay much attention or understand what they are saying. He doesn't have much "give and take" in real life, so it's hard to do it over the phone.

Any advice for this? Should we just let him ramble since he enjoys it, and it's a free call, so we're not wasting money? I know he'll need to learn phone etiquette eventually, but he's only 6, and doesn't talk to anyone else on the phone. Do you think it's okay to let him continue rambling while he's learning about face-to-face conversations? He has an auditory processing disorder (which I'm about to head out the door to a meeting to discuss his official results) so I know he doesn't understand what they are saying all the time anyway.

Thoughts, ideas, advice? Thanks!

I would let him continue. As long as it's not irritating the other person.
I had great difficulties in using the phone myself, but my parents managed to learn me in the early teenage-years (11+).

I would say that would be the perfect time. Right now, as you are saying yourself, there are other things to take care of.
Just remember to do everything in his tempo, he will be very greatful about it!

At least I did.

EDIT: Sorry!!... Didn't see it was parants' discussion, what am I doing here.!... Sorry!
Well... At least you got my point of view...

My son was exactly the same at that age. Fortunately, everyone thought it was cute. We would eventually tell him to wrap it up, but we did let him ramble for quite a while as the person on the other side pretended to understand

As my son learned to communicate more effectively in real life, he applied it to his phone conversations. We never specifically worked on it with him; it just evolved and changed as he matured and learned. He now uses the phone quite effectively and properly.

Given that so many AS as very uncomfortable with phone usuage, I'd kind of rather let this sort of thing go it's own course over risking getting him frustrated with the tool. I can't make any promises about anything regardless of how you handle it, but with my son it was, at least, something that seemed to resolve itself. He's almost 12 and has a cell phone, which he uses far more sensibly than most kids his age, thank goodness.

Your lucky, my 10 year old son will only rarely (extremely rarely) talk on the phone at all.
The phone can ring right beside him and its like he cant hear it. On the odd occasion when he has picked up the phone, we have to tell him say"hello" he will eventually say this, then he will either put the phone down some where else (its portable) or pass it off to the first person he can.

I have asked him in the past why he dislikes the phone and he has told me that its even harder for him to understand what the other person is saying. My son also has auditory processing issues.

Thanks for the perspectives! I appreciate them all.

I know his uncles get frustrated, but they really don't "get" that CME has AS, or understand what that means. They're pretty clueless about kids, and think he's normal. (I think it has something to do with THEM unknowingly being on the spectrum, too, but that's another issue. )

I don't want to frustrate him with it. He's happy to yak away, and when he's done, he'll say, "Talk to you later. Bye!" and hand the phone back. I don't want to make his "uncle time" into another form of therapy if it's not absolutely needed.

For the record, I just got back from the SPL's office and CME definitely has auditory processing disorder.

I have watched two sons now do unusual things while talking on the phone. The BOTH cannot just sit and talk -- they have to pace all over the house. Drives me crazy! But it's not a big deal. I've also seen the older and younger one, when they are young, talk too much about their special interest.

These weekly phone calls with the uncles are a great training opportunity. Since you know the calls are happening, you can begin to train your son to ask questions of the uncles -- "What did you do this week?" -- "Did you see any good movies" . . . and then teach him to LISTEN to the answer, and respond. You can prep him BEFORE the call, and DURING the call. He is young, and this could be invaluable for his phone skills later on in life, AND it will be extremely helpful to teach him social skills with an understanding audience (the uncles).

Our youngest son tends to ramble with his grandmother on the phone, and it's just nice for him to feel free to say whatever he wants, and she loves him no matter what. Your son is lucky to have these uncles!

My sons do this too. The pacing and the endless, non reciprocal chatter about their interests. But they both hated talking on the phone so much until just recently (age 9), that I don't want to discourage them with too much intervention at this point. We're lucky that one of my sisters and my MIL, are willing to make time for these long one-sided conversations and will talk with them indefinitely about the boys' interests. I have noticed one of my sons starting to ask polite questions (how are you doing? what are you doing today?) and to listen to the answers. They have been working on small talk in their social skills group at school and I think this is a product of that (yay!). So hopefully they will both catch on eventually.

We do however intervene when they get "rude". One of my sons was having difficulty knowing how to end the phone conversation when he had had enough, and would remain on the line getting increasingly more curt and agitated. So we did teach him ways to politely and quickly end the conversation when he needed too.

BTW my husband hates the phone and paces while he talks too. And I get really drained after long phone conversations, and can become really quickly disoriented if the phone is loud, crackly etc. So the little apples don't fall far from the trees.

Your son is a little younger than mine was when I decided to address this, but what I tried might be helpful.

Before a phone conversation, we previewed what the purpose of the call was, what information might be shared, etc. Then I wrote a script. In the beginning, we rehearsed it. He would refer to the script when talking on the phone (it helped that he was a fluent reader)

I always stayed nearby (even if it meant following him at a short distance when he walked around the house on the phone), to help if the conversation went hay-wire.

He was able to ditch the scripts after 3 or 4 times. He still gets a little tripped up by answering machines but now enjoys talking to others on the phone, at least some of the time.

I started this process when he was probably 7 1/2 years old.

Just a caution, depending on how rigid your son is, about the script suggestion (which is a good one, but can sometimes backfire). We do sometimes coach our sons before a phone convo about possible things to say etc. but if we get too specific, such as a script, they will get very upset if the other person says something they aren't expecting. So it's good to role play and pre-teach, but with our sons they need lots of warnings/reminders about the unpredictability of what people say and how the conversation may not follow along with what we've practiced.