Younger mental age... by how much?

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I keep reading that kids with ADHD and ASD's are younger emotiotionally, mentally that NT kids. Do you think this is true? How much of a gap is there? I have an ADHD kid and an ASD kid, by the way. They do seem immature but I wonder what the "rule of thumb" is for guessing their mental age.

"rule of thumb" and guessing are contradictory terms. "Mental age" is an estimate and mostly BS, because there are million and one different ways you can asses someone's maturity.

I don't think mental age is a good thing, to be honest.
I couldn't have one in any case- I'd be a young kid-adolescent-old woman...

I think my son is young in some areas, age appropriate in other areas and mature in some too. I think it depends on what you are looking at.

When it comes to emotional thinking I'm a few years younger than chronological.
When it comes to intellectual thinking I'm a few years older.

A lot of it depends on the individual child, and what you're testing. To say it as a rule of thumb is an overgeneralization.

For example, I have a friend with un dx'd ADHD who is very independant-minded. He has set up his own talent agent business, and has lived on his own for over a year (but lived with his parents when he came back from his second Banff work period). In that sense, he is more mature than the average 21 year old.

BUT, he is also extremely erratic. He doesn't focus on one thing for very long, and he sometimes makes very irrational decisions (he once flew to Calgary for a total of 10 hours, then came back to Winnipeg, because he had a fight with his mother). He dreams big, but doesn't have the education, money, or skills to back it up. He developed a nasty habit of compulsively lying to strangers about his occupation. He constantly wants to go on exotic vacations that he can't afford. He's had to take out loans to pay off credit cards (and then borrowed money from his parents to pay off the loan). In that sense, he is like a 14 year old with a credit card.

But I wouldn't claim that ALL people with ADHD are that erratic.

For another example, my boyfriend has dx'd ADHD/ODD/ An additional communication disorder (he's not even sure which one).
He's always held some form of employment, is currently in college, and "owns" his own truck. In that sense, he's just as mature than the average 19 year old.

But, he often goes into rages if his mother bothers him for some things, or gets into an argument if she won't let him see his friends/me or let him use his truck. He recently was fired because he punched a chair and swore at a manager. He won't actually complete his full college certificate because his combination of conditions would make a work practicum difficult for him to complete (employers might misunderstand him, and fail him because they don't like him personally). His family are trying to set him up with Voc Rehab. He starts arguments with me if I did something tiny that he didn't like (like calling my friend back for 2 minutes after a movie with my boyfriend, after I missed his calls three times). In that sense, he's immature.

Even people with AS aren't necessarily immature.

I remember back when I was 12, and hung out with some girls. They would always start screaming when the Backstreet Boys or N'SYNC would come on tv or the radio. The most excited that I ever got was "Oh yeah, I like this song". Who is being immature in this situation? I met up with another young woman with AS who also didn't do the whole "screaming" thing. Did that make us immature?

OK -- here's a direct answer (and I add the disclaimer that this is purely my opinion, and other's opinions that I've heard)

I think that the maturity difference would be approximately 3 years.

There, I said it.

The thing is, that's a maturity difference that occurs when these children are young. As they age, I would guess that the difference becomes smaller and smaller when they hit their 20's. So, in elementary, middle, and high school, that 3 year discrepancy can be very noticeable sometimes (for instance, amazingly enough, my 13 year old son is being noticed by girls [who don't know him], but he doesn't even know girls are alive, and probably won't for another 3 years.) My son really is very innocent. It's appealing to me, as his mother, but makes him stand out when he's around most of his peers, who can be much more saavy than him.

Intellectually, I was reading at a college level by the age of 9 or 10.

Emotionally, my maturity is mixed. In many ways, I feel stuck within a state of adolescence.

I have the ability to act maturely for brief periods of time. However, my usual behavior is more in line with what might be expected of a 12-14 year old. I don't know how my wife puts up with me, sometimes. I know my parents picked up on the difference at times while I was growing up, but I don't think they ever figured out quite how to react to it.

Yeah, I would agree that it depends on what you are measuring. I was just curious, because sometimes my son seems like an almost 10 yr old, and sometimes more like a 7 yr old. So in his case, sometimes, 3 yrs. sounds about right.

I mature in some ways and immature in others. emotionally and sense of humour wise I am immature, about 13-ish. But intellectually I am my age-mature and also I agree with katieWPG about the screaming at bands things, I don't do that stuff either, and when girls scream when it's raining slightly because their hair will get wet, I find that very immature and have never been bothered by such things.

^^^yup

The "rule of thumb" is 1/3-2/3 the chronological age, depending on the severity of the Asperger's Syndrome.

That that is true becuase you thought of it?

Inherent understanding isn't necessarily correlated with age, or has a constant rate of improvement with age.

I would agree with the 3-4 years.
My 8yr old ds is most usually found playing with the 5yr olds in the playground. He runs around playing games with them, while the boys in his own grade are playing sports etc. Even often prefers the company of his 5 year old cousin alot, to the older cousins.

I haven't been professionally diagnosed, I am 18 and emotionally probably about 5-9, I like little kids' things like Dora The Explorer and little girls' princess things. I have emotional attachments to stuffed animals and that kind of thing. But in other ways I am mature, intellectully and sometimes mentally. I wouldn't mind playing with a 6 year old, but I prefer to be around older people(if anyone), in the 30's-50's age range..I don't like teenagers, they make me feel uncomfortable. Adults understand things better.