Will my DS be the one to tell me? Q for Anyone!

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Please don’t get me wrong... This thread is not about the “label”... I’m just very confused (although very excited) about huge improvement that has been going on lately with DS. I need to know that when I tell DS that he has Mild Autism... I am 100% correct and confident with his DX.

DS is turning 4 in a few weeks, he was diagnosed with Mild Autism a few Months ago... two years leading up to his diagnosis, the signs were relatively clear (in hindsight at least...) and a few Months before the Dx... It was clear that there was a problem.

Since the diagnosis he’s come along in leaps and bounds and lost most of his “Autistic” traits...only having had speech therapy.
The only “autistic” signs that stand out since he’s been able to communicate well is that;

- he is extremely frustrated with his sister crying; puts his hands up to his ears and freaks out...(but is fine when another kid cries or screams)
-Seems that the world revolves around his needs and wants.
-Want’s most things done for him, not overly independent
-Get’s frustrated easily with friends of same age or people who are “in your face” type personalities
-Takes things literally

Now here are my questions;
1/ Aren’t these things that an NT child would do anyway?

2/ How do I know now for sure that he does actually have Mild Autism and it wasn’t just a stage he went through (albeit a long one) or that it was just his personality trait?

3/ Is there an obvious age where a mildly autistic child shows huge improvement (with or without much intervention)?
I really don’t know if his improvement is due to me doing things out of habit to avoid tantrums and generally accepting his ways and therefore not worrying about them so much hence him picking up on me being more relaxed therefore he’s more relaxed?

4/ How will I ever know if he has it or not with so much improvement going on? He’s the only one that will ever know for sure... right?

5/ Would he be able to tell me he’s different (for better word) When/ how /do I ask him how he’s feeling? What are the right words/questions?


Thanks for reading... Looking forward to your thoughts/replies

I think that these traits are universal, as are a lot of "autistic" traits, I think it has to do more of the level. For example, my son loves NASCAR. He has PDD-NOS. All he does is play with his cars, he watches races, knows what's going on....etc. You could call this an obsession, but I personally don't think that he is any more obsessed with NASCAR than any other kid is obsessed with something, however he does have traits that scream PDD.
When my son was diagnosed they told me that as his language gets better some of the autistic like behaviors will go away. That was very true. I also looked up dysphasia (a receptive language disorder), which he was diagnosed with, and a lot of the symptoms are very autistic like. This is probably why they said some of his behaviors will go away when his language got better. Language issues and autism have a lot of overlap.

Autism is also a developmental disorder, so these really high kids can outgrow a lot of this stuff, I think the difference is how they learn, not whether or not they learn. I have also learned with my son that he plateau's and then he grows rapidly. He went from not talking at all on his third birthday to having a 20 word vocabulary literally 2 weeks later. They do things when they are ready. It is possible your son is going through a spirt. Enjoy it, it's cool

As far as talking to him, I probably wouldn't tell him at this time. You don't want him to feel that there is something different or wrong with him. If there is something that he needs to share he will tell you in his own way and you will know the words to use. My son right now is becoming aware of his impulses, and he is starting to develop some empathy abilities and his conscience. He tells me that his "life" is inside him, it's a totally different person that you cannot see that lives inside him and controls his behavior. It talks to him and controls his body and makes him do things he doesn't want to (such as hitting). He is really having a hard time with this internal conflict and this is how he describes it to me, because that is how it feels to him. It sounds like he is hearing voices and he has a split personality, but that's not it. When your son starts to become self aware then that would be the time I would suggest talking to him about this. My son is 7, and I still have not told him about his autism. I only discuss his difficulties with him and how he can cope. When he's ready to know about it, I will know. Until I'm sure that telling him is going to benefit him, I will not tell him. I will only help him along and hold his hand when he needs me.

Telling and not telling is a tough question to answer, and it won't hurt to get him re-evaluated when he is a little older. The diagnosis may change, or become more refined. You don't know. Your child is still young. It won't hurt however to get all of the intervention you can get. The more you work with your child when they are young, the better off they will be when they are older.

I hope this helps!

I advocate telling over not telling. The paranoia over not telling is unjustified, psychiatric nonsense. There is no evidence to suggest that knowing is disadvantageous. It is something I would have wanted to know earlier for sure. Then you are in a position to deal with problems that arise as they come. Something that can only be done with personal involvement.

It does matter how you approach it and what you attitude is.

Since I constantly struggle with this, I have a question. I talk to my son about his difficulties, not his diagnosis specifically. I'm not paranoid, that's not it at all. I just don't know that he will understand that he has a hard time making friends because of "autism", or that he has a hard time with language because of his "autism", I just work with him to help him get through his difficulties as they arise and teach him what he needs to know. I acknowledge to him that he has difficulties, I even say that some things are easier for others than they are for him and that is why we go to speech for example, but I never told him he has a diagnosis of autism. I don't know that he will really understand that conceptually. If he were to ask, and he may since we are going through another big evaluation process, I will tell him because he is asking and he should know. I just don't see the benefit of making the point of telling him his "diagnosis" because I do have a great deal of personal involvement, he is getting a ton of help and is doing really well. There will come a day when he can align his difficulties with a developmental disorder but I don't think at 7 he is there yet.

Do you understand what I'm saying? I agree with you, but I feel this way too. I am very conflicted about this.

He can understand as much as and adult can understand. The difficulty understanding is not specifically related to age.

Not telling him is a fruitless exercise. You don't say you have a hard time making friends because of autism. That is non-descript. You say that he may have some difficulty with interpreting and understanding other people, some of the time. This is due to his autism, which means he is wired a bit differently. However other people may also have some difficulty understanding him too so it is, two way. However this is not fixed, and doesn't mean there is always going to be miscommunication. He can learn an awful lot on a conscious level, something that people without autism aren't even aware of because they act intuitively.

Thanks for your reply. I'm sure when the moment comes I will tell him. I just want it to be a positive thing, not a negative thing and I worry that he will want to talk about it and he won't have the words. I think the language is a big part of why I wait. He is pretty smart. I kind of feel that when he is ready to know he will question in his own way. He is pretty self aware in some areas so I'm sure it will be soon. He seems to be waking up to a lot of things lately.

I hope when I do decide to tell him it will be the right decision for him. I think everyone is different and it really depends on the kid, but it seems, from the answers to my earlier post about this very thing, to be the general concensus to tell him young. My intuition just tells me otherwise.

It must be nice sometimes for those with AS who are logically driven. It can really suck when your emotions and your intellect are at odds.

I think all kids go through phases and growth periods. One day you are terrified they'll never figure something out; the next, it's just a part of them. One of the differences I see between my AS son and my NT daughter is that she seems to develop on a more steady and even pattern; my son's is really jumps and starts and switch backs and pogo sticks.

You can probably wait with having a talk with your son about his diagnosis until he is in school. Starting school will be the next big test, and when you are likely to see some real challenges again. Not always right off, but usually within a year or two. Over time, it all will become much more obvious. And it will become obvious to HIM, which will be when he will need to know.

At almost 12, my son in many ways is indistinguishable from his peers. Until you get to know him. Or see him be himself at home. Despite all he has learned and can do, it is now 100% obvious that he isn't NT. He can put on a great act, he can cope extremely well, but there will always be those moments that make it perfectly clear he is quite "different" from other kids. He's learned to take pride in that, and the kids around him have learned to respect it, but it still comes out in the most unexpected ways at the most unexpected times. Everyone gets a good laugh (he is quite OK with it, and shares in it), the teacher hands him an Einstein award (brilliant math observations) or shakes her head (when he can't get a single word right on a spelling test), and life goes on.

My son thinks I'm obsessed with Aspergers and he is sure he doesn't have it. He thinks it's my problem. He's nine.

Therefore, I don't talk to him about it. What would I do? Should I try to convince him he has Aspergers? He's too young to understand it the way he could (more positively) because it is too different and odd and somewhat scary sounding to have this thing which isn't exactly distinguishable. For him, he is who he is. How could that be wrong or different or deficient?
The label is for others who work with him. My son is just my son, period. I certainly wouldn't tell him he has autism. I tried to say he had a bit of it, but it never stuck. He in no way could relate to severely autistic kids he's observed. This has scared him. I stay away from the topic altogether.

.02 cents.

this is the kind of thing that worries me. that it will backfire, that he will think something is "wrong" not "different", and what kid wants to be different? Like I said, if he asks I will tell him the truth and go from there. Thanks

taboo is mostly created by people with this attitude.

So he think you're the one who is nuts, maybe he has a point. he is just being a kid, That doesn't mean it was wrong to tell him.

It seems, from reading this forum, that more often than not the kids already know they are different and find having an explanation - and a peer group - to be a relief. Probably 9 out 0f 10 prefer and are better off knowing. But it is one of those "know your child" things, since kids do vary on it.

Give me a break, he was TWO! He has lost NOTHING!



TYPICAL autistic/AS behaviour! I STILL feel like that! And YEP, I DO hold my ears with LOUD noises or ones that hit certain frequencies. Usually "NTs" don't react that way. I STILL remember when I was about 6, and I was the only one that acted that way. I am now middle aged and people in TWO states made fun of the fact that I STILL do it. They DON'T!



USUALLY that is the "adults" perception, but not REALLY the case! Again, SAME HERE! "NT"s ARE the same way, but to a different degree,



A LOT of young kids are like that.



TYPICAL, SAME HERE! NTs MAY be



TYPICAL! NTs MAY be



See above.



He sounds like he may be autistic. You could always wait until he is about 7, when he will have had more of a taste of any social differences. That supposedly starts around 6 which is about 2 years away.



Perhaps 4, but he wasn't THAT bad! 2 is a make or break time for the brain. At 8 and 13, it kind of goes a bit down hill, but I doubt it ever goes down real noticably to others.



It all comes down to whether it affects him or not. Nobody knows the cause, so who cares what you name the problem?



OF COURSE! PLEASE, if you imply that he should be able to do something, make sure most others can do it. When he tells yyou how he feels, thinks, reacts, you may not understand. My mother didn't when I spoke of skewed senses.

My son is actually in a school with kids like him, and in a daycare where kids accept him for who he is. There is alsoone other AS child in daycare. The NT kids make allowances for his deficits in certain areas, and are really his friends. He is very happy, and is really like his peers. I think he will feel more different in a typical school than he does where he is so I have a really hard time bringing it up. That is why I want to wait until either he asks, or the time is right for an explanation. I just don't want to make a mistake with this issue so I would rather wait until my intuition tells me it's time.

my son is 5 years old and also on the mild end. his neuro says he's pdd-nos, his psychologist says he's as. there are days where he seems completely "normal", there are days where he's in his own world. the inconsistency tells me he's definitely autistic and can never "out-grow" it. he can learn to adapt, which he already has, and put on a good show, but he already knows he's "different." in fact he has told me he was "different" since he was 3. i know i will tell him one day that there is a term for his difference, but right now he won't understand. he's pretty aware of his himself. he says thinks like his "brain is dark" when he feels disconnected, or he says he's "out of control" when his feels overwhelmed. you're child is so young right now, it's really hard to tell, a lot of parents who have kids on the mild end of autism claims their kids aren't autistic anymore or they have out grown it or even "cured", but in my opinion, you never out grow it. you might not fit all the medical criteria for the dx but that just means you are better at hiding it.