perfectionism

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Nate had a meltdown today at IHOP. He was doing those "find the word" puzzles and half way circle something which ended up being wrong (The free paper placement they give kids). He started crying like crazy, practically yelling. We explained to him Thomas Edison and how many times he failed before he succeeded with the light bulb. We gave him some other examples. He said, "I don't care, I don't want to make any mistakes." He was upset because he also couldn't erase it as it was in crayon. I didn't want to get another place mat because I already had gotten one due to messing up on dot to dot - another crying fit. We fear he will literally become paralyzed by this fear.

Any suggestions? He just started this perfectionism and meltdown associated with it about a month ago.

I have exactly the same problem myself. Luckily I don't meltdown over simple things anymore.

He won't want to hear about how other famous people made mistakes. Instead, you need to teach him that making mistakes and rising above them is a character building part of life.

My son had a similar experience a couple of years ago when he was making a "mother's day flower" at school and he stuck it wrong. He got angry about it and screwed it up and asked the teacher for more paper. The teacher refused to let him start again. Kaelan then threw the flower on the floor and jumped up and down on it.

His teacher didn't interfere but let him get it out of his system and then said.

"Your mother will be disappointed if she doesn't get a flower".

He made my son live with the results of his anger rather than allowing him to replace it. He also sent a note home so that we'd know about the problems it caused. Kaelan was very distraught when he got home and even worse on Mother's day when he had to give his mother the crumpled and scuffed paper flower. Because we'd seen the note, we were prepared and my wife told him how great it was.

He didn't believe her at first until she told him that it didn't matter that it wasn't the same as everyone elses or that it wasn't perfect by his standards. It was perfect to her.

He's not "cured" of the perfectionism now but at least he can simply cross out wrong letters and start again instead of having to completely erase his mistakes or tear out pages.

My daughter is like this, she will "practice" in the air above the paper before putting her final lines on the paper (this is generally actually with her magnadoodle and is usually only with the main circle of a face that she does this) she will wipe it off if it's not perfect and if she can't get it perfect she will often melt down over that.

She's been like this from an early age and i've found being there and encouraging her to try again and giving lots of positive feedback and positive tips on how to improve helps somewhat but she sometimes ends up just asking me to do it and i will do it if she has had a good try and will use it as a teaching experience.

In your example though, it's not as easy to do that, and i think your son is older which also changes things a bit.

These little ones can be so hard to predict with their emotions and reactions, we have to be really creative with the way we say things!

natesmom,

I HATED it when I made mistakes. I still kind of do. I used to PRIDE my self on writing the smallest and fastest programs FAST. With the way people treat me, I eventually was broken of that ideal. I found that I should wait and delay because, if I work as I used to, it just means I would get TONS of work, and always be expected to do it so fast. STILL, people consider me to be fast.

But nobody is perfect, and it is an unrealistic ideal. Nate will likely realize that soon enough.

I have this problem with my NT daughter and thankfully not my AS son, but I've got to say, I'm still totally clueless on it. We just talk and talk and do things like in gbollards story but the need in her is SO strong ...

Yep, I have this too with my NT son. My AS son is ok with this sort of thing!! ! (for now anyhow!!)

My NT son would have to rub it out and start again, and get very upset and cry if I suggested that is was ok, and to leave it. He doesnt even like crossing out the mistake, cause you can still see it, it has to be rubbed out, so that all evidence of the mistake was gone forever!!

I guess my son will grow out of it, I just make sure to have a good supply of erasers around the place ! !!