Questions for AS Parents who Homeschool AS Kids

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It's that time of year again. The time when my sons are so burnt out and miserable from school that we are pushing ourselves towards the end of June, like a runner on the painful last miles of a long marathon, and every year at this time we start considering home schooling again.

My sons are in one of the best public schools in the city, great teachers, great environment, many supports and accommodations in place...probably as good as a school can be, yet it is still so gruelling for my sons, physically (they catch every virus and are exhausted a lot of the time) and emotionally (being around other kids all day is hard! trying to communicate with the teachers is hard! let alone trying to actually learn something!). I feel like we are on a slow trajectory towards home schooling, it is just a matter of when. They are currently completing Grade 3. We will enrol them in grade 4 and see how it goes...but I will be surprised if they finish the year if stress levels continue as they are now.

BUT I have some major concerns, mostly about myself as their primary teacher. I am not dxed as Aspergers, but have recognized many of the traits within myself during the dx process with both my sons.

#1 concern: I am not a social person. The computer is my primary means of communicating with friends, and I like it that way. I know that it is more than possible to develop well rounded, socially experienced kids through homeschooling, but that it takes a lot of effort on the parents part. I worry that I could/would not be able to do this. The idea of joining all the groups and driving them around the city for all sorts of group outings and trips leaves me cold. And then trying to figure out how to become friends with and then maintain those friendships with other homeschooling families, so that my boys could have opportunities to make friends (because they do want friends) seems overwhelming. So my question to anyone with AS who is homeschooling would be, how do you provide enough social opportunities/experience to your children? I realize that this will vary with the needs of the individual child/parent, but I worry about us becoming too isolated without all the social contact that comes through school (we have no family or close friends in this community).

#2 How do you deal with your own executive dysfunction? I cannot stay organized, and I get very easily distracted. It would be of the utmost importance to me to provide a quality education to my sons if they were learning at home, but I worry about my ability to do this. So to the AS parents, how do you keep yourself and your child organized and on task? I know that we would need to follow some sort of structured curriculum and have a schedule of sorts (unschooling would just be a recipe for disaster for us). But wow. I can't even keep the house tidy, bills paid on time, phone calls returned in a timely fashion etc. now, how could I be a good, consistent teacher?

I would also appreciate any additional info on what your biggest challenges being AS and homeschooling your kids are, and how you work around these challenges. Thank you.

I homeschooled my son for the first four years and my sis has been doing it for the last two years while I have been in college. he is just getting ready to start the 6th grade.

We have primarily done socialization through our church, though that is a struggle right now. Usually he has been in different programs however currently he isn't in any. We visit with at least one of my friends once a week, although they all have younger children and he is able to play with some of the guys here on capmus. We have tried homeschool groups and have found we don't fit in at all. I have recently found a local organization that does a play therapy/socialization, but it is out of my price range. So I guess all that to say that it is something we are working on.

We have tried multiple ways to organize. The most successful things are to have a binder with a folder for each day of the week. In each folder is the work that needs to be accomplished for each day. We have a whiteboard which is only used for the schedule of that day. We break often. The biggest thing is not to get stuck in a battle of the wills on school work. You will lose. I'd suggest finding something that you kids look forward to in each break. For instance- when we get done with math you can play with your Bionacles.

I'm pretty sure I have Executive Dysfunction too although I had though it was part of my dyslexia. The best way I have dealt with it so far is to have people help me, keep me accountable. Perhaps an online program that is planned and scheduled by someone else would be beneficial for you?

The social aspect is the part i find the hardest. I plan to find some sort of classes nearby that i can walk her to, i'm still not sure how she does socially but i'll see how it goes. I don't really know the answer.

The main issue right now is staying organize and on task... so no real good answers to that either.

*Ponders* Could you perchance find other aspie kids in the area and formulate say...a once-fortnightly meeting somewhere outside, like a park or whatever?

Granted, he won't be able to be with aspies all his life but it'd be easier adjusting to those like him then into mainstream than main-streaming him right away.

As for how...could put a small ad in the local paper, spread word at the local school and ask that the kids in special ed or whatever americans call it that have aspergers are notified of the gathering.

Because parents as well as kids would benefit from it.

Just my own two cents.

Regards
GM

First, I'd like to say that although it might seem "unschoolers" don't learn much, since they are "disorganized", you would truly be amazed how much kids learn when they are not forced to. I am not diagnosed, but like you, I can see oh so many traits in me...so here is what we do...(been doing this for 3 years now)...

K-1) We completely unschooled...no curriculum at all. I bought a few books that talk about "what every K needs to know, what every 1st grader needs to know, et.... With this, it gave me somewhat of an idea of what things I wanted to watch out for to see that my kiddo was learning them...In addition, we bought tons of great books at Costo, among others...and also lots of great games (science, english, etc...) at Marshalls (much cheaper than other stores)...

2) Now we continue to unschool, but I have also added a few Kumon books for our math/writing...They are great for my kiddo as other workbooks seemed to have way too many colors and pictures which were just too distracting to my son. These books are only 2page lessons...so it takes us about 20 minutes to go through each lesson...My kiddo hardly gets bored because it's so quick. For the other "classes", we use books, the internet (kidshealth.org, timeforkids.com, discoverykids.com, nationalgeographicforkids.com, etc...) and you would just be amazed how much my kiddo learns with these. He knows the entire human body, organs, different systems (circulatory, urinary, etc...) and can tell you how they work... We also love EIN-O experiments in a box...cheap at Marshalls (about 5USD)...We watch TED talks (I screen them and find those that interest him), there are just tons of resources that make earning so much fun vs. just sitting with a book all the time...

Believe me that it does sometimes worry me because I am "somewhat" disorganized, etc...but I see how much my kiddo is learning and I know that this is what's best for him.

On a daily basis most subjects are just "unschooled" and the primary math/english are "schooled"...

Good luck...contact me at anytime if you want more info on great sites for the kids, etc...

PS - tonight we watched Home (the Yann Arthus Bertrand movie that just came out free) and tomorrow we will watch again and find all the countries that are discussed in the movie on his globe...

By the way, I have found that the "unschooling" groups in my area, although they do not specifically advertise it, when I have asked, MANY of them have AS or Autistic kids...also ADD/ADHD...vs. the more traditional groups...

Thank you so much for your responses. I guess I just really needed to know that it can be done. Life has been rough for my sons for the past couple of months, and I think my sense of optimism has taken a bit of a beating. Going into grade 4, I feel like I need a plan if it just doesn't work out. Everyone is trying their best on my sons' behalf, but traditional schooling might just not work for them no matter what. I need to know that it is possible, given my own deficits, to homeschool them successfully. Having that option available gives me peace of mind, and lately I've been worrying more and more about whether or not I could do it. I am still concerned about the social aspect, but it is great to know about some of the workbooks, curriculum etc. to help us stay organized and on track.

@whatamess I don't think of "unschooling" as a negative thing. I just know it wouldn't work for us. We (my sons and I) do better with more structure. I like the way you are doing a bit of both. I don't think my sons would need much direction in learning visual and language arts. That is their and my forte. We are always feeling like school is getting in the way of our learning and enjoyment in those areas! But for maths and science we would need a plan.

I always feel so envious when I see the homeschoolers out and about with their kids during the day when it isn't busy, and I can't relate at all to the moms who can't wait to get their kids back in school after the summer holidays. I love having my boys around all the time. We have a great time together. Maybe instead of worrying so much, I should focus on the things about homeschooling that I would really like and excel at.

Either way, we will try grade 4 at school and see how it goes. In the meantime I am going to try to learn more about homeschooling in my area.

Your description of yourself reminds me of me. I'll share a bit of our 2 year experience homeschooling our son through 4th and 5th grade. Our decision to homeschool was largely due to multiple moves to different states. Our son has such huge anxieties about new environments that it would've been cruel to subject him to new schools every year.

We chose a very structured online curriculum called K12 (some U.S. states offer this curriculum through 'virtual' public schools). While not actually all online -- it gave us more structure than needed and the assurance that the curriculum would be adequate as 20 plus states used it. A bit pricey tho if you're doing it as a homeschooler. There are many other curricula out there if you'll benefit from the structure rather than going the unschooling route. All, included the one we use have their pros and cons. There are yahoo boards out there with some knowledgable folk, many who piece together different curricula to create a super education tailored to each child.

Re: Socialization. We found our son much more motivated to engage in relationships with peers once the pressure being in a brick and mortar school was off. During our 10 month stay in our last state he quickly made 2 same age friends that he saw about once a week. In our new home, making friends has been a bit harder. He's been going to religious school where he interacts with a dozen or so peers, but no close friendships developing after a full year. And his music lessons are very intense -- including lots of duet/trio practice so he has plenty of 'socialization' opportunities. Like another poster we've found we don't fit in well (at all) with local homeschool groups.

That said -- after a two year break from traditional school he's decided he wants to attend a small private school (class size about 15, fabulous teacher) for 6th grade. I think it has been lonely being homeschooled, but that means he's motivated to make this new experience work. I'm very excited for him but also very confident that if this doesn't work out we can shift right back to homeschooling without the drama we went through when we first started.

Our biggest challenges -- getting extended family members on board with our decision; me giving up a major chunk of my life to be his teacher (well worth the trade-off from the stress of watching my son struggle and be so clearly miserable), having complete strangers feel free to comment on our decisions.

I was just coming here to post/ask this very same thing.

I tried to "unschool" a little bit this year, and I think my executive dysfunction really came to light. I didn't have a name for it, but I realize now that that's what it was. I also felt like I needed to get a Master's in Early Childhood Education to do it right.

We have good public schools in our area and a few good private schools (several lousy ones too, but that's another discussion). We plan on taking everything year by year. But for now, we're going to try to the public school. I *liked* school for the most part until my performance anxiety was condemned as laziness and sinfulness.

Anyway. . . . I mostly want to sub to this thread to see what others have to say. . . .

C

I am just starting to homeschool my son going into the 4th grade this fall. I have all the same questions and reservations that you have and everyone telling me dont do it. I am also not diagnosed but have the same traits as my son. I live behind the computer, but also work outside the home in the evenings and thats is my socialization. I pay my bills late, not organized, all the same things you mentioned.

When researching homeschooling I didnt like the idea of unschooling for us either, but do see how it can work for others. I just reallly enjoy researching and academics and I my son does too.

This is how I feel about it and why I decided not to listen to everyone telling me not to. I CANT DO ANY WORSE! One teacher for 30 students is not working for my son. He needs lots of attention and needs to be able to talk and think things through and talk them out. That is not possible in school.

Like someone else posted. I believe the socialization will come on its own. My is is friendly and outgoing and likes to make friends. He just cant handle large groups and not being able to express himself when he wants to. Something I can work with on if I have him during the day. Now I will have the time to work with him on developing those skills he desparetly needs to fit into society.

Good Luck and I hope this helps. message me if you want to chat.