Homeschool vs. private school

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My parents have offered to pay for private school (at least for one year). However, the school has very strict dress and conduct code. Our 4 year-old daughter refuses to wear the dresses required to church on Sunday (it is a battle every week). She only likes knit pants which are not allowed. We are thinking homeschool would be better for everyone and would allow her the freedom to learn at her pace.

If you want my opinion, I think of private school as elitist public schools. If your daughter will have a hard time with public school, then she will definitely have a hard time with private schoo. On top of that, a private school can remove her for any reason they want without recourse.

If you do not think that your daughter will adjust well to school, I would recommend homeschooling (of course, you may not have to enroll her until a later age that most children, however IANAL and would suggest checking out Alabama law).

I second that. Homeschool sounds like the way to go, at least from my POV.

I have homeschooled for a while because the district we were in was AWFUL to deal with, everything was such a fight and I just didn't have the advocacy education I do now. I finally stopped homeschooling my two special needs kids because doing them both at the same time was taking too much of a toll on me, and we have finally moved to a better district that is completely supportive, but I think just doing one child with special needs is totally doable and can really be great fun in homeschool.

One thing to realize is that schooling is not mandatory in Alabama until age 7. So if you know in your gut that your DD really isn't ready for full blown school yet, then don't worry. You are not compelled to have her "formally" registered in a school until age 7. Sometimes waiting and letting that maturity kick in is a good thing to do.

On private schools - You have to realize that in Alabama private schools are not obligated to work with special needs children that you register there on your own. They don't have to follow or make IEPs unless this is a placement in conjunction with the state/public system where the private placement is considered to be your child's least restrictive environment where they can best be served. And to be honest, a private school usually does not have the resources that a good, well-funded public school does, unless you are talking some sort of private school exclusively designed for special needs children - but then in that case your child never gets to learn to be around non-disabled peers unless you set up interaction for them outside of school.

On homeschool - This can be great fun, you can do it affordably and you have a HUGE amount of flexibility. In Alabama you technically must state that you are doing it for religious reasons and you must have a cover school. But aside from that there are no real regulatory issues to worry about. No mandatoryt things you have to do other than turn in one form and keep an attendance record (but I recommend getting a cover school that will keep good grading records for you in case you eventually move DD to public school). Our state is very open! The downside is that you have to strive to give yourself time away from your child and learn not to be a perfectionist with it. If you have a perfectionistic personality you will drive yourself mad.

I feel compelled to also say that public school does not have to be a bad option. They have a lot of resources and your child can receive OT, counseling, social skills classes, etc. through the school at no additional cost to you. The key is whether or not you are in a good district. If you are not it is WORTH moving into one because you cannot always know that you will be able to homeschool or do private school for whatever reasons. Things do happen! If you're forced to go public you want to know you are in the best situation possible.

Non stretchy clothes, etc are uncomfortable many aspies -- myself included.
Picture it this way... How would you like wear sandpaper straped to your body abrasive side to the skin???

I know it sounds harsh but until your daughter can stand up for herself, you need to do it. No "conduct or dress code" bull could stop my folks from laying down the law to my school when it was necessary. School worked for me because my parents were right there making sure I got what I needed. Sometimes that was spinning on the floor and wearing baggy shorts.

In the long run, how much you are willing to stand up for your daughter's needs is more important that what school you pick. To get an idea of what life is like from her point of view check out the book "Martian on the playground" by Claire St. James.

I was sent to a private school. Generally, I think the control on physical bullying and such is a lot better, but the cliques may very well be worse. I never really got beat up or anything, but from about 5th grade on I could never really find a proper niche for myself. The educational value was undoubtedly great though... even though I was pretty much just coasting by and not challenging myself because I couldn't see the point in trying when I was that outcast...

Anyway, if you think that you can homeschool properly and believe that it is a proper way to teach (I know very little about homeschooling) I say go for it.

She is only four years old and an aspie, and about to enter school?!

I wouldn't put her in a school of any kind right now.

Actually it would be K5 next Sept. She will be 5 by then. Everyone around us keeps telling us that she needs the opportunity for social interaction. She already reads, writes, and does simple addition and subtraction. A year ago she tested out to a mid 1st grade level, so it wouldn't be for the education. My experience with school pretty much sucked, but she seems to desire friends a lot more than I did. We're kind of torn which is the reason for this thread.
At his point we're leaning more toward homeschool, although I'm not sure how to get the social opportunities. We seem to have more reasons not to send her than to go ahead. As I said, our main concerns at this point would be social opportunities with kids her own age and how to arrange breaks for my wife so that she doesn't burn out.

Maybe wait another year, 06. I didn't start kindergarten until I was 6 yo. Maybe in that time, you can help her get used to a uniform.

As for myself, I had a very good experience at a Catholic, private school. Thankfully, at the time, I also happened to ascribe to a general view of Catholic beliefs. But the teachers were so kind, the administration was willing to cooperate to help make things easier on me, and I ended up being one of their star pupils.

I'm not saying everyone would have a similar experience. Every school is different as well as every child. Private schools can offer a greater amount of structure as well as teachers who are more likely to nip bullying in the bud. A school where a parent pays for the education, I've found, the school tries harder to please, since its income depends on it. Parents tend to have more say in private schools.

For myself, I found teachers were also more willing to give one on one attention.

It's true, private schools don't handle kids well who are determined to heavily rock the boat. But if you think your daughter needs structure, can learn to handle the uniforms (some minor behavioral therapy might help teach her to do this), and she isn't likely to specifically go out of her way to be continually defiant, private school might be a good option as opposed to home school. The more she can be around other kids, the quicker she'll probably learn to be around other kids. Therein lies a danger in homeschooling.

Private school can either be a blessing or a burden. It depends on your child. As for myself, I'm very glad I went to a private school, especially for grade school. I found my particular classmates were more accomodating than I'd imagine those children at public school, and in addition creativity and intelligence were prized and popularity wasn't always based on looks. I would have likely been eaten alive in public school or would have become completely depressed and even more isolated with home schooling, not that my mother had the option to home school anyways.

Consider private school and home schooling. Consider your child. And don't be too afraid to allow her (and yourself) another year to decide.

I attended a small private school for elementary school. There were not very many kids in my class and all but two or three of them were perfectly horrible to me. Yes, it was more structured than a typical public school and I did have the (unwanted, at the time) opportunity for social experiences.

With home schooling, things are a lot more flexible and students can work at their own academic pace. This might also leave more time for behaviour therapy or extra education on "social rules" if necessary, and it also allows for more flexibility in scheduling appointments.

As for the social aspect of home schooling, I know several people who are/were home schooled and have more of a social life than I do. See if your daughter has any interests and encourage her to get involved in a group that shares the same interests as she does. I've always done swim team and have friends from there.

I don't know if you have something like this around where you live, but I did a special weekend activity group for gifted kids. It depended on the weekend what classes were being offered, but I remember music, sewing, cooking, nature hikes and drawing classes to be some of my favourites. Looking back, I'm sure some of those kids were probably also AS.

About cliques at private schools, they usually are a lot worse. At a small school, everyone knows everyone else, and this makes it easier to know what everyone else's faults are. And private schools can have the same types of problems that government schools can, only private schools have more power to kick kids out. Not sure if that's good or bad...

With the advice that has been given already, I would talk to your wife and talk to your daughter. See if she really wants to attend private school. If you end up homeschooling her, be sure to allow her to get involved in extra curricular activities so that she has the opportunity to be social if she chooses. Best of luck with whatever choice you make.

I am an Nt who taught both of my Children at home, Now 20 years old and daughter nearly 19 years old. Only recently have we found out that our daughter and probably our son have Aspergers.

Teaching them at home allowed them to learn at their own pace, and to learn about themselves. I never believed in the state education system, to make all kids reform into a certain mold.

My daughter also would only wear certain clothes and school uniform would not have fitted in with this, she only ever wore cotton trousers, and like your daughter getting her in a dress for religious meetings was a nightmare.

You also have to take into account would the teachers understand when she needs time out, time for peace and quite, because the classroom full of kids is just to much.

The only disadvantage with homeschooling is social interaction, I used to get them to interact with as many different people as possible, eg when we went to the Museum and they had a question I didn't know I would encourage them to ask an assistant who worked there. When shopping I would encourage them to ask for food stuff at the grocers etc. And if they saw a disabled person and wanted to know why? I would encourage them to ask the person. If they didn't ask, I wouldn't ask for them, they soon started asking. Mine never got on well with other kids, but looking back we only knew Nt kids. But mine have made up for this at college and work. But a friend of my daughters has pointed out that being at school they might have learned to fit in with others better. But I like them the way they are, they are polite well spoken individuals. And get on fine with others in the work place and college, Our daughter seems to make a bee line for other kids who don't fit in and enjoys their company best.

She doesn't feel she has to be someone she isn't, they accept her for the way she is. If she doesn't give them eye contact, or is quite they don't mind.

But you have to choose what is best for your daughter???

Hello,
This is the wife of 06xrs and the mom in question.
Thank you for giving your thoughts on this. I am an NT living with two AS. Life is full of surprises here.
I realize I have been unofficially homeschooling her and with good results. I already encourage her to speak for herself in public. For example, she had a question about elephants yesterday, so we went to the zoo today to talk to the zookeeper. She asked some questions, and I helped once. It was a very positive experience. Very good for 4. I sometimes forget she is four because she doesn't act like 4 and her questions are way beyond her years most of the time. This was not the first time we have done this. To me, that was homeschool in action today. We also visited my mom in the hospital which brought up a million questions. It was a learning opportunity.
She was also able to be herself. That is when we have the best days (forcing compliance doesn't work. she can be quite defiante at times when we push her to conform too much).
I do wonder how to choose the curriculium/ how to keep the necessary records/ how to keep my sanity with so little alone time. Any thoughts are welcomed.

I don't personally homeschool but tons of people around here do.

I'd start at your State's Dept of Ed web site. Hopefully it will give you the data you need to start. Otherwise there are a TON of homeschooling sites! If you can't find one, Private mail me. I dont know of any (not having the need) but I can give you the websites of some other general parenting boards I am on that have homeschooling moms...they probably know of sites.

I do have to say, even though I don't homeschool techincally, I often feel that is where most of my son's education comes from....

BeeBee

That's probably one of the best ways to learn. Please keep encouraging your daughter to ask questions when she goes places, like the zoo, as long as she gets your permission first.

One of the other things about homeschooling is that you can incorporate a variety of ideas into lessons. For example, when my dad and I used to go shopping (I was about six or seven), we would take turns adding up the amount of money it would take to pay for the groceries. That was fun. With homeschooling, almost anything can turn into a simple school lesson.

I was the same way. I wasn't technically homeschooled, but I think I learned more at home from my parents than I did at "school". Kind of ironic when you think about it.

I find this ironic because that is where most of my education came from. Once my mother realized that the schools were not teaching us the basics, she saw to it that we got them ourselves. Once we could read (which I learned primarily from MAD magazine) and do simple algebra, she was fine with letting us learn or do whatever we want.

In fact, most of the stuff I remember from school was stuff I taught myself rather than any teacher teaching me. The only reason I got away with that is because I was a better behaved child in the EBD class and as such was mostly ignored so I was left to my own volition.

I honestly think that schools are a social function rather than an academic one.

I concur with what Louis said. It seems he was able to make more sense of what I said and what he wrote was what I meant to say, even if it didn't come across as such.