The common Time limit
Symptoms include stupid standards and a complete absence of fairness and unnecessary pressure
the common time limit has become less widespread though with the advent of open-ended gameplay models, but some cases are still reported
Matrixias momentius (the Bullet Times)
Symptoms include a breakout of a once original and cool concept turned into a cheap gimmick for actually refining shooting action. Once prominent, it seems the Bullet Times have died down and are only found in older or low budget titles.
Ruskia Criminalis enemas (Russian Mafia Syndrome)
Symptoms are wholly inconsiderate and completely stereotypical depictions of Eastern European people as gun runners, former soldiers, and murderers. They are usually cast in such a light in most crime games that the player can't possibly emphasize with them and therefore serve as an ideal main bad guy. they are always seen working with a lesser more weaker organization only to stab them in the back later. A famous case is the second Getaway game, where the clever depiction of English gangsters is shafted for an easy post-Communist stab. There is no cure at this time, it seems the virus has mutated into Columbian Drug Cartel Disease, a particularly damaging variant where anyone with brown skin and a Spanish accent is automatically a drug dealer, they also need to use nonsensical Spanish words and phrases as names for their organizations.
Crappymoviegamia (Movie-game cancer)
A tragic condition that grips most games on the market. Always used to promote the movie and never to fulfill the enjoyment of the fans. Numerous organizations are working desperately for a cure. But no hope remains in sight.
AIGGDS (Acquired In Game Graphics Deficiency Syndrome)
Symptoms include cutscenes looking better than actual gameplay scenes or the reverse for a truly sloppy experience. No cure exists at this time.
25 Jul 2008, 2:15 am
