This is a very interesting topic to me because I was raised a bahai. I struggled as I grew older as to whether or not I 'was' a bahai, and a lot of this I believe had to do with AS. I have a hard time understanding the concept of god, or at least understanding it as most people seem to. But I have a desire for spirituality- what I can only describe as a very powerful yearning/longing.
In my teens I focused all my energy on learning religion, for me there could be no question unanswered. I read every bahai book I could get my hands on.
The problems came when people (other bahais) wouldn't answer my questions or didn't want me asking them. The stand on homosexuality must "just be accepted", I could only find one mention in the writings stating that marriage was between a man and a women. That hardly seemed to warrant the explicit anti-gay sentiment I came across.
That women aren't allowed on the National Spiritual Assembly (highest level of power in the bahai faith) must "just be excepted".
I saw a women cry as she talked about her adopted daughter who was raped as a child, hid it, and believed she was not a good bahai because at sunday-school they stressed how important "purity" was in the eyes of god.
This sounds like a rant, and it is, it just came out as I started writing. I didn't mean for this to be a critique of the bahai faith, to be fair most of my frustration was at specific people and incidents (and people are flawed, and we must love them in spite of their flaws- I seem to recall, faintly, some bahai teaching about this).
To return to the subject I seemed to find it very difficult to except a belief system that had contradictions. Difficult meaning that it was hard for me not to obsess about it (ie didn't sleep) and I do atribute this to my AS. It bothered me that other people could call themselfs bahais and not be able to answer my questions. How could they talk about faith if they couldn't explain what they believed in and why?
But I wanted to believe so much! I wanted that elusive whatever it was. It is the same feeling I get when I watch people in social situations, I can see that they are experiencing something I cannot but that just it I cannot, I don't even really know what it feels like. But I know they have it and I don't and it is so close dammit.
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A bee fell out of my mind. What's a mind?