Encouraging (Not Mandating) Abstinence: Harmless or Not?

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I think it would be quite positive if, as well as teaching about sex, pregnancy and how to avoid it, STDs and how to avoid them, that it be taught that not having sex is a valid lifestyle choice too. That it is okay to wait until you are sure. That you can say no any time you like. That it is fine to have consensual protected sex, and it is also fine to not have sex if you don't want to.

I think the ones who would be emotionally affected are the ones who don't want to have sex anyway and will abstain.

I disagree that because teenagers have a high sex drive, they will be emotionally ready for it. Our society is not the one we evolved to live in (though of course we are adapting), and social pressures will wreck havoc with emotions. Additionally, "nature intended" levels of rape to be much higher than they are now, but as a society we have recognised that rape causes massive emotional effects and outlawed it. Just because something is natural does not mean it is right, or humans can cope with it emotionally.

I think teens should be encouraged to go have fun and taught how and why to do so safely.

Teenagers wanna screw, and a LOT of them will screw. So, let 'em go to it and teach 'em how to be safe.

The issue is not the substance of the message, but the tone and method with which it is conveyed.

Telling a teenager, "don't have sex, it's potentially dangerous," is asinine.

Teenagers will do stupid things and they will do dangerous things. The key is not to prevent that behaviour (because you can't) but to mitigate the consequences of that behaviour.

Talking about abstinence in the context of a broadly based, factual and respectful sexual education curriculum is fine. But talking about abstience as an end unto itself is just dumb.

besides much of that emotional damage comes form the reaction of their surroundings, if people had a sensible relationship with sex the chances of actual emotional dammage will be smaller.

Let's apply that rationale to, say, burglary:
Burglaries happen every day. We don't seem to be able to stop them. Therefore, burglary should be encouraged. At least it is good exercise, what with all the crawling in and out of windows and running from the cops.

Are you seriously comparing teen sex with a criminal activity? Tell me you're just takin' the piss man.

Look at this rationally and not with some outdated and sensationalist viewpoint.

Teenagers are under peer pressure.

Okay, an example of psychological/social consequences of teen sex:
Girl loves boy. Boy says he loves girl, they have sex, boy goes to school and brags to everyone that he scored with girl, who he calls "easy" and a "slut".

Teenage girls are, in general, extremely concerned with their reputation and how they are viewed by their peers. Of COURSE the girl would be damaged in that situation. And, because of her young age, she's less likely to be able to predict that it might happen, or to foresee how it would affect her. Teenagers aren't good at predicting consequences; another reason why they shouldn't be sexually active.

I agree, sex does have a major impact on relationships and emotions. It's a cultural issue though- mostly on the male side about sex being a status symbol for power.



Teen sex isn't, by itself, harmful, in the way that burglary, smoking (cigarettes, pot, or otherwise), or drinking is. I'd compare it more to teen driving. However, I'd agree that it really shouldn't be encouraged, given the risk of STDs/pregnancy that not even safe sex can completely prevent (but testing all potential partners for STDs can), and especially given how frail and full of drama teen relationships are, and that it's not necessary to have good teenage romantic relationships- absolutely NONE of my friends have had sex and yet all of them have had boy/girlfriends for at least a few months at a time, if not longer.



You can influence the way your teens view sex and relationships by your example and by your openness. Sex isn't a thing that should done casually, unlike some people might suggest, and it's not "f**k it, let them because they'll do it anyways". The key is to make sure that they're ready to take all the precautions and consequences, physical or emotional, that may come out of it. And no, we shouldn't be actively encouraging it, because to most people, it's not just a bodily function- it's a symbol of social status, an emotional outlet, a risk of getting a disease/pregnancy, and often changes the nature of relationships entirely. So, it's best to encourage rational thought, caution, and a real hard look at the pros, cons, and risks.

When someone compares two things, it does not necessarily (or even usually) mean that they are saying the two things are exactly the same. It simply means that there is some observed commonality between the two. In this case, I am saying that burglary and teen sex are both undesirable behaviors. I am not saying they are both crimes, which really should go without saying. Yet here I am, having to clarify that.

Oh, and I'm not a man.

I fail to understand how teen sex is undesirable. Just teach them to be safe.

Why shouldn't sex be done casually? It's a fun activity. All the emotional attachment is completely unnecessary. Teach teens to do it safely and let them go have fun.

This. Sex in and of itself doesn't have as many emotional consequences as abstinence-only people claim. If someone breaks up with me, I'm going to be upset relative to how close we were, how long we were together etc., not whether or not we had sex. My current boyfriend and I haven't yet had the opportunity to have sex properly and I'd still be destroyed if he left. I agree with the physical consequences though, I'm terrified of getting pregnant and what it does to your body, whether my husband will still want me sexually after I have a baby etc.

Sex is a very intense emotional state and physical state.
The emotional attachment is a part of the sexual experience as a whole.
I wouldn't want to take it lightly because of potential unintended consequences of the action.
I'm all for safe sex.


Best Regards,

Jake

I'm no abstinence-only nutjob, and neither is YippySkippy.

I guess it depends on the person then. However...getting partners tested for STDs, going on birth control, and getting condoms (preferably all 3 at once) isn't too much to ask for. The first is more important than you might think, because condoms/birth control don't work 100% in preventing STDs.



The more partners you have, the riskier. Even if you're on birth control or use condoms. Unless you test every single partner you have for STDs (a pretty tedious thing if you have multiple partners), you're increasing that risk, and my peers that do have sex usually aren't taking every precaution they can. Plus, don't females release oxytocin during sex? That alone is pretty powerful as an emotional stimulator.

Yeah, it's stupid doing abstinence only or expecting people to wait until marriage, but that doesn't mean that promiscuity has its own dangers, if you're not willing to take extreme precaution (and let's face it, most teens don't). But I don't think that taking a lackadaisical attitude towards sex would help matters.

This link is a good summary of abstinence by Planned Parenthood. I think they'd do very well teaching our sex ed.