Why do movies based on the Bible usually suck?

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I'm waiting for Christopher Nolan to direct a movie about Jesus.

What about a Quentin Tarantino biblical movie?

The Bible wasn't written to be a "ripping good yarn" though. ...Does this make it problematic to adopt? Absolutely; it just wasn't conceived as a drama and the adaptations that have worked best have been liberal ones; adding, deleting, and changing things for the sake of a compelling human story. But inevitably, the fundies get angry, and that's a big part of your market right there. A lot of nonreligious people, or people of other faiths, will be turned off seeing it because of its content alone. And needless to say, fundies don't like their sacred scripture changed and tend to limit what can be portrayed on screen for moral and theological reasons, even if it would have been a good artistic choice.

Weren't there other historical events happening around the same time as Biblical events?

Did you know that Cyrus II, Pythagoras, Siddharta (the Buddha), and Confucius were all alive at the same time? This was during or soon after the "Ionian Enlightenment Period". Why hasn't there been a glut of movies focusing on the life of one of these men? Didn't they also contribute to human development?

The Bible does contain some ripping good yarns. What ends up getting deleted are the sexy bits that would make for a compelling story, while violence sometimes gets exaggerated. The modifications intended to pacify the fundies result in shoddy products.

Again, like I said, there are some good stories in the Bible, but it was not compiled as, or meant to be, an "entertaining" storybook. The poster I was quoting was objecting to the Bible being poorly written (not the same thing as having uninteresting stories from a conceptual point of view); I argue complaining about the Bible's dry style (and other interjections like laws and digressions related to proper worship) makes no sense because it wasn't meant to engage like a piece of pure entertainment.

the World Evangelical Alliance (a “global ministry working with local churches around the world to join in common concern to live and proclaim the Good News of Jesus in their communities,” according to its website) has thrown its support behind the series. On the WEA’s site, Chief Executive Officer Geoff Tunnicliffe writes that the series is “compelling, gritty at times and spiritually moving.”

Parts of the Bible kind of vary in their intent, since they weren't really written as a book (with the singular indefinite article in the front). Some, like Leviticus, are law codes written with a similar intent to Hammurabi's Code or Justinian's law collection. Most people would probably have had the relevant parts of those books taught to them, but they weren't exactly intended to be read for entertainment.

Aaron's sons, Nadab and Abihu, each took his fire pan, put live coals in it, added incense, and presented it to the Lord. But this fire was not holy, because the Lord had not commanded them to present it. Suddenly the Lord sent fire, and it burned them to death there in the presence of the Lord. Then Moses said to Aaron, “This is what the Lord was speaking about when he said, ‘All who serve me must respect my holiness; I will reveal my glory to my people.’” But Aaron remained silent.

Moses called Mishael and Elzaphan, the sons of Uzziel, Aaron's uncle, and said to them, “Come here and carry your cousins' bodies away from the sacred Tent and put them outside the camp.” So they came and took hold of the clothing on the corpses and carried them outside the camp, just as Moses had commanded.

Then Moses said to Aaron and to his sons Eleazar and Ithamar, “Do not leave your hair uncombed or tear your clothes to show that you are in mourning. If you do, you will die, and the Lord will be angry with the whole community. But all other Israelites are allowed to mourn this death caused by the fire which the Lord sent. 7 Do not leave the entrance of the Tent or you will die, because you have been consecrated by the anointing oil of the Lord.” So they did as Moses said.

The Lord gave Moses and Aaron the following regulations 2 for the people of Israel. When any man has a discharge from his penis, the discharge is unclean, 3 whether the penis runs with it or is stopped up by it. 4 Any bed on which he sits or lies is unclean. 5 Anyone who touches his bed 6 or sits on anything the man has sat on must wash his clothes and take a bath, and he remains unclean until evening. 7 Anyone who touches the man with the discharge must wash his clothes and take a bath, and he remains unclean until evening. 8 If the man with the discharge spits on anyone who is ritually clean, that person must wash his clothes and take a bath, and he remains unclean until evening. 9 Any saddle or seat on which the man with the discharge sits is unclean. 10 Anyone who touches anything on which the man sat is unclean until evening. Anyone who carries anything on which the man sat must wash his clothes and take a bath, and he remains unclean until evening. 11 If a man who has a discharge touches one of you without first having washed his hands, you must wash your clothes and take a bath, and you remain unclean until evening. 12 Any clay pot that the man touches must be broken, and any wooden bowl that he touches must be washed.

13 After the man is cured of his discharge, he must wait seven days and then wash his clothes and take a bath in fresh spring water, and he will be ritually clean. 14 On the eighth day he shall take two doves or two pigeons to the entrance of the Tent of the Lord's presence and give them to the priest. 15 The priest shall offer one of them as a sin offering and the other as a burnt offering. In this way he will perform the ritual of purification for the man.

16 When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body, and he remains unclean until evening. 17 Anything made of cloth or leather on which the semen falls must be washed, and it remains unclean until evening. 18 After sexual intercourse both the man and the woman must take a bath, and they remain unclean until evening.

19 When a woman has her monthly period, she remains unclean for seven days. Anyone who touches her is unclean until evening. 20 Anything on which she sits or lies during her monthly period is unclean. 21-23 Any who touch her bed or anything on which she has sat must wash their clothes and take a bath, and they remain unclean until evening. 24 If a man has sexual intercourse with her during her period, he is contaminated by her impurity and remains unclean for seven days, and any bed on which he lies is unclean.

25 If a woman has a flow of blood for several days outside her monthly period or if her flow continues beyond her regular period, she remains unclean as long as the flow continues, just as she is during her monthly period. 26 Any bed on which she lies and anything on which she sits during this time is unclean. 27 Any who touch them are unclean and must wash their clothes and take a bath; they remain unclean until evening. 28 After her flow stops, she must wait seven days, and then she will be ritually clean. 29 On the eighth day she shall take two doves or two pigeons to the priest at the entrance of the Tent of the Lord's presence. 30 The priest shall offer one of them as a sin offering and the other as a burnt offering, and in this way he will perform the ritual of purification for her.

31 The Lord told Moses to warn the people of Israel about their uncleanness, so that they would not defile the Tent of his presence, which was in the middle of the camp. If they did, they would be killed.

32 These are the regulations about a man who has a discharge or an emission of semen, 33 a woman during her monthly period, or a man who has sexual intercourse with a woman who is ritually unclean.

One would have to be pretty dry not to get at least a chuckle out of Leviticus.