Postperson wrote:
I can cast out demons, but they just come back in a few minutes or move to the next 'empty vessel'. I guess I don't have what Jesus did. These days I just ask 'demon, what is your name?' to establish whether the person (usually spouting abuse or defaming me) is possessed. It's more for my own satisfaction really, I just like to know whether I'm talking to a person or the demon inhabiting them.
You're doing it all wrong, what you need are fruits. No, not homosexuals or the kind you can purchase at the grocers, rather ones you get in trade deals with angels. Though, you'll need souls to settle the transaction, souls are pretty easy to obtain if you know where to look for them, zenith locations for souls range from the garbage cans to the nonchristians you convert, excluding atheists and
females, to the flying flame-spitting devils you have come to abhorr. You can even go to holy gameshows where you can answer multiple choice questions for some quick souls to pocket, just don't deceive yourself into thinking you can fall back on lifelines to get through the arduous questions that put your piety to the test.
Now that you have your souls, you now need to find a heavenly host to barter your souls for fruits. Theses beings usually reside in houses, underground passages, and even caves. Recommended fruits include the fruit of meekness that has a halflife of just a mere moment, pears; the fruit of patience that defies the laws of physics, apples; the fruit of love and ADHD, pomegranates; the fruit of joy, the vine and drunkards the world over, grapes; and the fruit of faith (if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, then there's no reason why you can't throw these as fast as a speeding bullet), bananas.
Lack of studies have shown that where conventional conversion tactics fail, just a few fruits to the face are all you need to get the unbeliever on their knees praying. Just be aware that you need to be ever vigilant as there is a possibility that rooting around the body of the unbeliever could be a ferocious devil just waiting to take a bite out of you; a single fruit is all you need to send that bugger back from whence it came. If you do happen to find yourself facing a foe that won't convert with fruits to the face, you're going to have to also purchase some vials of God's wrath and blow the unbeliever to kingdom come. If it works for Islamic fundamentalist terrorists, it should work for you!
While fruits and vials may be effective against most homo sapiens, don't bother attacking the beasts of the field with them. Not only is it cruelty to animals, but nothing aggravates God--I mean dogs more than some fellow who unleashes bodily harm to their personal God--I mean man's best friend. Fruits also don't work on sharks and seagulls, so don't even bother.
If you happen to be one that is serious about teaching these nefarious demons a lesson and keeping them from coming back to possess people, it is imperative that you seek out the demon's stronghold. The most likely place for the demons to set up their stronghold is beneath your city's prison where conspiring Masonists imprison God-fearing Christians against fair judgement in order to convert them into mindless uniformed droids. Before, plunging into this Spiritual Journey, you need to additionally arm yourself with the Sword of the Spirit, as the only way to extirpate Diablo is to alternatively launch your fruit and the Word of God in rapid succession.
Postperson wrote:
unbelievers who hang around on christian threads are wierd, it's like guys who hang around outside gay bars. why the interest, ha.
I would rather hang around a gay bar than one that is morose. Also, as Calandale pointed out, and I also want to reiterate, the thread's OP was someone who was curious about whether or not anyone has witnessed an exorcism and what they thought about it. Basically, the OPer gave permission to allow anyone the privilege to post with their thoughts, I'm merely taking advantage of my privilege. -_-
My stance in the thread is one that finds the concept of hosts of evil and devils that ruin the lives of mortals to be absurd. Also the idea that there is only one solitary religion capable of dealing with these nonphysical beings effectively is beyond pretensious, there are plenty of other religions and philosophies that are just as likely as the other one when it comes to the subject at hand. Christianity and Judaism have plenty of ideas and stories stolen from other religions; among them being the idea that there are demons and an adversary of good which doesn't exist in canon Judaism texts.
08 Apr 2007, 6:50 pm
, it is a throw back from more primitive epochs. And most of the premature deaths in the world can be atrributed to relgion.
