jrjones9933
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jrjones9933
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jrjones9933
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13 Mar 2014, 5:00 pm
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14 Mar 2014, 10:12 am
puddingmouse wrote:
ArrantPariah wrote:
puddingmouse wrote:
....I like the type of partner who makes sure that their partner definitely wants sex with them and isn't doing it completely for another reason....but that's always tricky to be 100% sure about,....I prefer a partner who makes the effort to ensure that sex is mutually desired and pleasurable. It's a big ask, but I've decided to not settle for any less, and I think I've met someone like that.
I perceive one sticky wicket in your standard:
The female sex drive may vary considerably during the monthly cycle, whereas the male sex drive may remain relatively stable.
In this case, the female will be the one who determines when and if coitus will be undertaken.
If, off the bat, you declare: "You ain't gettin' any unless I want it, Buster! This p**** ain't no entitlement!", then you may tend to discourage potential suitors. For most couples, the reality is that it probably ends up like this, anyway. De facto rather than de jure. The woman wins, but purely by stealth.
And, when menopause eventually rears its ugly head, the poor guy may be lucky to get two refreshments in six months.
Puddingmouse's standard might actually be quite practical for a Lesbian couple, particularly as their ovulatory cycles synchronize.
I'm on the contraceptive pill and horny nearly all the time. On the rare occasions I'm not, it's not like his dick is going to drop off if he has to wait a day or two (or even just a few hours.) I wouldn't decline sex in a rude way like that, either. And sometimes men aren't in the mood, or I've had one go and I want more but he's too tired for that. It doesn't bother me because I love him and it's not like I'll have to wait that long (like I did with my last partner.) Trust me, our sex drives are very compatible despite being of different sexes - who'd a thunk that was possible?
And menopause is a good twenty years away for me. It's worth me giving heterosexuality a go in this relationship even if things might change at some point (especially if it's one in the distant future like that.) And like I said, I wouldn't exactly kill him if he had an affair - especially when I get older.
I know you're always trying to persuade women to go totally gay for some reason (apart from the ones that sell sex, or the ones that put up with their partners buying it) but straight relationships can work, y'know. Even on a sexual level.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magaz ... =all&_r=1&
Quote:
Like Chivers, Meana thinks of female sexuality as divided into two systems. But Meana conceives of those systems in a different way than her colleague. On the one hand, as Meana constructs things, there is the drive of sheer lust, and on the other the impetus of value. For evolutionary and cultural reasons, she said, women might set a high value on the closeness and longevity of relationships: “But it’s wrong to think that because relationships are what women choose they’re the primary source of women’s desire.”
Meana spoke about two elements that contribute to her thinking: first, a great deal of data showing that, as measured by the frequency of fantasy, masturbation and sexual activity, women have a lower sex drive than men, and second, research suggesting that within long-term relationships, women are more likely than men to lose interest in sex. Meana posits that it takes a greater jolt, a more significant stimulus, to switch on a woman’s libido than a man’s. “If I don’t love cake as much as you,” she told me, “my cake better be kick-butt to get me excited to eat it.” And within a committed relationship, the crucial stimulus of being desired decreases considerably, not only because the woman’s partner loses a degree of interest but also, more important, because the woman feels that her partner is trapped, that a choice — the choosing of her — is no longer being carried out.
Meana spoke about two elements that contribute to her thinking: first, a great deal of data showing that, as measured by the frequency of fantasy, masturbation and sexual activity, women have a lower sex drive than men, and second, research suggesting that within long-term relationships, women are more likely than men to lose interest in sex. Meana posits that it takes a greater jolt, a more significant stimulus, to switch on a woman’s libido than a man’s. “If I don’t love cake as much as you,” she told me, “my cake better be kick-butt to get me excited to eat it.” And within a committed relationship, the crucial stimulus of being desired decreases considerably, not only because the woman’s partner loses a degree of interest but also, more important, because the woman feels that her partner is trapped, that a choice — the choosing of her — is no longer being carried out.
Different interest-levels in coitus might arrive sooner rather than later. You're still in something of a honeymoon stage.
AspergianMutantt
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14 Mar 2014, 11:07 am
