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AnonymousAnonymous
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20 May 2007, 4:12 pm

Note: This joke is so bad, it's very good

Mathama Gandhi walked barefoot, which produced a impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him frail.
Because of his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

Here's another one.
There were these friars who were behind on payments & opened a floral shop to raise funds.
A rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair so he told the good friars to close shop.
They didn't & he begged them to close.
They didn't so the rival florist hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest, vicious hitman in town and sent Hugh to the friars' shop to "persuade" them to shut down shop.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their shop, threatening that he would return if the friars did not close their shop down.
Terrified, the friars obliged, proving that Hugh could prevent florist friars.


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skafather84
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20 May 2007, 4:29 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiatGbaCxE0[/youtube]



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20 May 2007, 5:26 pm

This one is from weird comedian Emo Philips. The story is about how he found someone about to jump off a bridge, and Emo tried to talk him out of it:

Quote:
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you, you silly ninny."
He said, "How do you know there's a God?"
I said, "Of course there's a God. Do you think that billions of years ago a bunch of molecules floating around at random could someday have had the sense of humor to make you look like that?"
He said, "I do believe in God."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too. Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What franchise?"
He says, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He says, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He says, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I say, "Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist or Northern Conservative Reform Baptist?"
He says, "Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist."
I say, "Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Eastern Region?"
He says, "Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I say, "Me too! Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879 or Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He says, "Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over the edge!


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skafather84
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20 May 2007, 5:40 pm

Ever noticed that people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved?

- Bill Hicks



A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a f****n' cross? It's kind of like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on."

- Bill Hicks



I'm not a girl, I'm a guy you know? But at the same time, I tell ya how you can solve this abortion issue right now. Ready? Those unwanted babies that single moms leave in alleys and in dumpsters? Leave about 12 of those on the steps of The Supreme Court. This is over. Like that. "You guys said we had to have them? Then you guys... f*****g RAISE 'EM." "Raise 'em then, you f*****g f*****g raise 'em. YOU raise 'em. You said I had to have it? Then it's yours. f**k. It's yours..Take it"

- Bill Hicks



sinsboldly
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20 May 2007, 8:16 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
Note: This joke is so bad, it's very good

Mathama Gandhi walked barefoot, which produced a impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him frail.
Because of his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

Here's another one.
There were these friars who were behind on payments & opened a floral shop to raise funds.
A rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair so he told the good friars to close shop.
They didn't & he begged them to close.
They didn't so the rival florist hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest, vicious hitman in town and sent Hugh to the friars' shop to "persuade" them to shut down shop.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their shop, threatening that he would return if the friars did not close their shop down.
Terrified, the friars obliged, proving that Hugh could prevent florist friars.


So, the florist shop didn't make it, so the good fathers decided to open a fish and chips shop. Some churlish young wag came up to the counter and said "So, are you the fish friar?" But the priest had had a belly full by now and quipped back "No, I'm the chip monk!"

( and it's that ONLY HUGH could prevent. . . .??)



sinsboldly
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20 May 2007, 8:24 pm

OK, OK, This one is current:

Why is it difficult for Jerry Falwell to fly around in heaven??

No left wing. . .



kt-64
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20 May 2007, 9:33 pm

Down on life? Try religion now:

Side effects may include:

Donating token sums to charity, mass murder, homicidal tedencies, irrationality, decrease in brain size, assholism, zero chance at becoming immortal...



Jacob_Landshire
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21 May 2007, 3:00 pm

Image



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23 May 2007, 5:11 am

DELETE ME.


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Last edited by sigholdaccountlost on 26 May 2007, 1:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

cowlypso
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26 May 2007, 1:35 pm

This may come as a surprise to those of you who do not live in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic Churches than Casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all of their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.


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codarac
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26 May 2007, 1:54 pm

Q. What did the Buddhist say to the hot-dog vendor?
A. Make me one with everything



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27 May 2007, 2:50 am

codarac wrote:
Q. What did the Buddhist say to the hot-dog vendor?
A. Make me one with everything


Vendor: Alright, that'll be three fifty.
The Buddhist hands him a five dollar bill, and receives the hot dog.
Buddhist: I gave you a five, what about my change?
Vendor: Change must come from within.



George_Orwell
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01 Jun 2007, 1:21 am

Why don't WASP's have orgies??

To many thank you notes to write.



matheux
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01 Jun 2007, 8:47 pm

Qué fue el ultimo animal que entró en el Arca?
El delfín!



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02 Jun 2007, 7:24 am

One day, Jesus & Moses were kicking around in Heaven, bored out of their skulls. "I know!" Jesus says suddenly. "Let's go back to Earth and see if we've still got our mojo!"

"Good idea," says Moses. "I'm getting pretty tired of sitting around doing nothing."

They go back down to Earth, to the shore of the Red Sea, and Moses holds up his arms and parts it with ease. "Still got it!" he exclaims happily. "What do you want to do, Jesus?"

"Well, I'd quite like to see if I can still walk on water," says Jesus. So they go to the shore of the sea of Galilee, and Jesus starts walking out across the surface of the water. After a few paces he's down to his ankles. A few more paces, and he's up to his knees. And so on, and so on, until he's right up to his neck. Meanwhile, Moses is creasing up with laughter on the shore.

"Schmuck! You forgot about the holes in your feet!"

:P


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02 Jun 2007, 8:12 am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qmglGWMsdk[/youtube]