Jesus Christ sues Republican Party for Slander

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ArrantPariah
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21 May 2012, 7:27 am

http://www.freewoodpost.com/2011/09/05/ ... r-slander/

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Jesus Christ filed a lawsuit today in the New York Supreme Court against the Republican National Committee for what he is calling “egregious misrepresentation of his statements and image.”

One of the attorneys representing Christ had this to say: “For years Republicans have proclaimed their love for and loyalty to Jesus, yet their actions are highly contradictory to what Mr. Christ preached. Instead of helping the poor and the sick GOP instead punishes the poor and the sickly. Our client isn’t telling the GOP what their agenda should be, he simply wants them to stop using his name when their actions contradict everything he stood for. If the GOP would like to continue using his name they have to start making a significant effort to help the poor and the sick, instead of the rich, and start promoting a more peaceful agenda.”

When asked about the lawsuit, House Speaker John Boehner made the following remarks: "Mr. Christ is entitled to his opinion, however the GOP believes that the underlying message in the Bible is that giving tax cuts to the wealthy is the true path to happiness. I don’t know where Mr. Christ thinks the Bible says to help the poor and the sick, but that sounds awfully socialistic to me, and we are not a socialist country.”

The lawsuit goes even further than just spoken word references to Jesus. According to the suit “images that inaccurately depict Jesus Christ, who was born in Middle Eastern country, as a Caucasian man with light skin, can no longer be displayed by political officials who claim they understand the Bible.”

Sarah Palin was at an event in Iowa today, and on camera, when a member of the crowd asked how she feels about Mr. Christ’s lawsuit. The crowd member simply asked her “have you heard that Jesus Christ is suing the GOP?”, to which former Governor Palin replied: “Well, ya know, I don’t think Mr. Christ has a real understanding of what the GOP is trying to do to save America from the socialist death-spiral Obama has put us into. In the Bible it states 'work hard, and pull yourself up without any Government aide. If you need help from Caesar you are probably doing something wrong', which clearly shows that Jesus wants Americans to hunker down and pull themselves up by their bootstraps. In the Bible it also states 'go to the market and purchase good wares. Reward merchants with money, and God will smile upon you' which, I believe, shows that Jesus really wanted us to live in a free-market society.

"Don’t forget the story of Noah’s Ark where God commanded Noah to build an Ark and take everyone except the poor and sickly away from people who were trying to steal their hard earned Gold.

"Also, I’ve read the Bible plenty of times and I’ve never heard him say we should give welfare and food stamps to lazy people who don’t deserve it, which is what this Obama Administration is trying to do. They’re trying to make this country lazy and since Jesus was a man who did quite a bit of walking I would hope he would oppose such things.

"Times have changed and I, for one, believe Christ is just confused and should probably re-read that most holy of books, the book that so many good, real Americans swear by, and just see, just really see, if he can get in there, ya know, and figure out if possibly he might have missed something. That’s what I would suggest Mr. Christ do.”

The media was quick to point out the many factual inaccuracies in former Governor Palin’s statement, but she fired back on Fox News today saying it was a “gotcha question” from the “liberal elite media”.

Mr. Christ’s lawsuit is set to move forward later this month. When asked if he would also be interested in filing a lawsuit for slanderous remarks made in the past, Allah declined comment



Burzum
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21 May 2012, 8:23 am

Your posting style is the same as someone else that used to post here, I wonder what that could mean.



Oodain
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21 May 2012, 9:43 am

am i the only one that finds this beyond ridicoulous?


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Mummy_of_Peanut
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21 May 2012, 10:11 am

I do think it's meant as a joke, with a serious message.


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Oldout
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21 May 2012, 10:34 am

UPDATE -- Today Mr. Christ threatened to run as a third party, write-in candidate for president. There is a rumor that Pat Robertson may intervene before this dispute gets out of hand.



ruveyn
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21 May 2012, 10:52 am

Jesus of Nazareth is a Bethlehem born Jew with no legal visa to be present in the U.S. He has not standing in U.S. courts to sue anyone.

ruveyn



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21 May 2012, 10:55 am

ruveyn -- I can't believe you are going to start this whole thing about the birth certificate again.



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21 May 2012, 10:57 am

Oldout wrote:
ruveyn -- I can't believe you are going to start this whole thing about the birth certificate again.


Not so. Our Fearless Leader has a legally vetted birth certificate indicating he was born in Hawaii to an America women which makes him a natural born citizen.

If Jesus shows up in America without a visa, then he is an illegal trespasser.

ruveyn



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21 May 2012, 11:00 am

ruveyn -- He is the Son of God and God is everywhere. Are you sacreligious ?



ruveyn
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21 May 2012, 11:04 am

Oldout wrote:
ruveyn -- He is the Son of God and God is everywhere. Are you sacreligious ?


God knocks up a Judean lass and look what happened.

ruveyn



Oodain
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21 May 2012, 12:08 pm

ruveyn wrote:
Oldout wrote:
ruveyn -- He is the Son of God and God is everywhere. Are you sacreligious ?


God knocks up a Judean lass and look what happened.

ruveyn


:lmao:


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ArrantPariah
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21 May 2012, 12:26 pm

ruveyn wrote:
Oldout wrote:
ruveyn -- He is the Son of God and God is everywhere. Are you sacreligious ?


God knocks up a Judean lass and look what happened.

ruveyn


She was a Galilean.



ruveyn
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21 May 2012, 12:33 pm

ArrantPariah wrote:
ruveyn wrote:
Oldout wrote:
ruveyn -- He is the Son of God and God is everywhere. Are you sacreligious ?


God knocks up a Judean lass and look what happened.

ruveyn


She was a Galilean.


The Gal'leel is part of Judea. In the north.

ruveyn



Chipshorter
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21 May 2012, 12:42 pm

Oodain wrote:
am i the only one that finds this beyond ridicoulous?


No, I find it crazy as well. Look at this way how many times have god and Jesus had lawsuits against them?


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ArrantPariah
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21 May 2012, 12:45 pm

ruveyn wrote:
ArrantPariah wrote:
ruveyn wrote:
Oldout wrote:
ruveyn -- He is the Son of God and God is everywhere. Are you sacreligious ?


God knocks up a Judean lass and look what happened.

ruveyn


She was a Galilean.


The Gal'leel is part of Judea. In the north.

ruveyn


http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/jus ... -of-jesus/

To get from Galilee to Judea, one had to go through *gasp* SAMARIA!



naturalplastic
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21 May 2012, 6:18 pm

Chipshorter wrote:
Oodain wrote:
am i the only one that finds this beyond ridicoulous?


No, I find it crazy as well. Look at this way how many times have god and Jesus had lawsuits against them?



Thats because god and jesus are god and jesus. So obviously no plaintiff could have a case in such a lawsuit because the defendant is the fountainhead of all virtue ( if God exists then he has the right to think of himself of "god" I would think).

And even if you could win such a case no human constabulary could enforce the verdict. You cant put God in jail. But if Jesus were found to have been living in the USA he could in principle get a settlement in a lawsuit.

Its ok social satire.
Dont see why you have a problem with it.

write your own story about someone suing god/jesus if you want.
Woody Allen wrote a very amusing play about a sam spade type gumshoe tracking down "who killed God?".