Light Bulb Joke:

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How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Two. One to hold the light bulb and the other to hold his penis....... er um I mean the ladder.

Contribute you lightbulb joke.

ruveyn

This one courtesy of a Pipe Fitter on my last job:

Question: How many Journeyman Electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: One + the World, he holds it in the socket and the world revolves around him to screw it in.

The joke might not work if your not a construction worker.

Q: How many surrealist painters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fish.

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
One,but the light bulb has to want to change.

How many Runescape players does it take to change a light bulb? (this is funny if you read the Runescape forums regularly and know what they are like)
100
1 to change it.
49 to complain that the old bulb was better.
20 to complain that the old bulb was overpowered and we needed a dimmer one because the brighter one made seeing too easy.
10 to complain about the people complaining.
20 to threaten to quit unless the old bulb comes back.

How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?

One.

One to hold it in the socket, and the whole rest of the world to revolve around him.
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Version one: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Seven.

One to screw it in. And six to ..... EXPERIENCE it.

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Version two: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Californians don't screw in a light bulb. Californians screw in a hot tub.
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How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.

One to change it. And one to not change it.
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How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

Seventeen.

You got a... PROBEM wid' dat?

How many aspies does it take to change a light bulb? Three.
One to determine the efficacy of fluorescent lighting vs the possibility of electromagnetic radiation.
One to decide whether to buy it online or scour the local hardware stores for discounts.
One to research the depth of force, using theoretical applications of Newton's 2nd Law of Motion, to ensure the correct pressure in screwing the bulb in.

Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten.

- Four to complain that the light bulb needs changing.
- Three to form a support group for women who can't reach the ceiling.
- Two to blame the patriarchy for leaving them in the dark.
- One to talk a male relative into changing the bulb for her.

Q: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark!

Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Define "Light"; define "Bulb"; define "Change".

Q: How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an '800' number to order an American light bulb.

Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, but they're really only one.

Q: How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: THIS JOKE ISN'T FUNNY!! !

Q: How many clarinet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he must first try out an entire box of new bulbs to find the perfect one.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. but for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

Q: How many sociopaths does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but they manipulate someone else into changing the bulb.

Q: How many psychopaths does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but they force someone else to do it at knife point then laugh when they electrocute themselves on the exposed wires.

Q: How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to sneak into your house and replace it and another fifty to spy on him doing it.

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: They see the light already.

Q: How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: They petition a senator to have it done for them.

Q: How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, there is no light bulb.

Q: How many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hundreds, all electrocuted before they work out the bayonet fitting on their gun is not supposed to be put into the light socket.

Q: How many computer repair engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to diagnose the problem is with the power supply. A second to redo all the wiring in the house and a third one to put the original bulb back again that still no longer works and a fourth to give you a bill for $10,000 for the work done. A fifth one to handle your complaint about your room still being dark and a sixth one to sell you a torch.

Q: How many French electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to pass on the report of the faulty light bulb to the department of light. A bureaucrat there to send you a ten page form to complete and return to the department of information processing. A bureaucrat there sends the forms back to you requesting further information including copies of your passport, birth certificate and proof of residency at the address specified including copies of several utility bills. Another bureaucrat to process your forms over several weeks. An on-site visit from another bureaucrat to confirm that the bulb isn't working. Finally, in frustration after waiting a year, you visit a local office of the department of light and explain that you are still waiting for the light bulb to be changed and they get you to fill in all the forms again because they have lost the original copies. Six months later an electrician turns up at the house next door and changes the (working) light in their microwave oven much to their bemusement. Finally another bureaucrat to send you a bill for €100 along with a long form for you to complete and to send to the department of reimbursements to get €10 off that amount, provided you respond before a date that passed last month.

Q: How many Wrong Planet moderators does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three, one to warn the old bulb about its dim behaviour, a second to ban it and a third to reinstate it a week later under guidance it must shine again or face being permanently replaced.

Q: How many Wrong Planet site owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, eventually, maybe. After waiting six years he responds: "What's wrong with candles? Do I look good in candle light?"

^

Didn't know you had that mean streak in you!

^

Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to persuade you that your existing and perfectly functional light bulb is obsolete and should be upgraded. Another Microsoft employee to come around every month for the life of the bulb and patch it due to instability problems with it flickering and security problems with the neighbours being able to turn your light on and off. Finally another Microsoft employee to replace the bulb with "Bulb 8" but they hide the light switch under several layers of plaster in the wall.

light bulbs can not be changed. they are light, and they are bulbs by definition.

How many Freemasons does it take to change a light bulb?
It's a secret.

Q: How may Egyptians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A million to protest that the old one wasn't working followed by the Egyptian army to remove the old light bulb and to quell riots from the brotherhood of the light who oppose the change.

How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Ask any Jewish mother and she will say: I'ts alright. I'll sit in the dark

ruveyn