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Should adultery be illegal?

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Should it?
Yeah! 19%  19%  [ 16 ]
Nah... 74%  74%  [ 62 ]
I don't care 7%  7%  [ 6 ]
Total votes : 84

Sand
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23 Nov 2010, 4:29 am

lotusblossom wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
I think that adultery should be illegal. I don't think it should carry the death penalty or anything close to it (like some countries) but I find that it is really irresponsible of a spouse to be doing something like that. I mean, whats the point of saying your vows and getting married if you're just going to give in to your urges and have sex/affair with anyone whenever you want? It also shows a sign of total mistrust and can potentially hurt the other spouse really hard, emotionally speaking.

I think they get a fitting punishment already- loosing their spouse's love and trust.


If adultery takes place it seems likely that love and trust has already departed.



lotusblossom
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23 Nov 2010, 4:36 am

Sand wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
I think that adultery should be illegal. I don't think it should carry the death penalty or anything close to it (like some countries) but I find that it is really irresponsible of a spouse to be doing something like that. I mean, whats the point of saying your vows and getting married if you're just going to give in to your urges and have sex/affair with anyone whenever you want? It also shows a sign of total mistrust and can potentially hurt the other spouse really hard, emotionally speaking.

I think they get a fitting punishment already- loosing their spouse's love and trust.


If adultery takes place it seems likely that love and trust has already departed.

why so? Sometimes people have affairs because they are 'greedy' rather than because there is anything wrong. I think your comment is a bit on the 'anti victim bias' side of things.

Years ago the bf I was living with had a 3 day affair with a 16 year old and I was completely shocked. I was very upset at the time and took an over dose and felt awful. However over all, he lost out as he lost me and his beautiful daughter where as I didnt loose anything as I was 'well rid' of him.



Sand
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23 Nov 2010, 4:55 am

lotusblossom wrote:
Sand wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
I think that adultery should be illegal. I don't think it should carry the death penalty or anything close to it (like some countries) but I find that it is really irresponsible of a spouse to be doing something like that. I mean, whats the point of saying your vows and getting married if you're just going to give in to your urges and have sex/affair with anyone whenever you want? It also shows a sign of total mistrust and can potentially hurt the other spouse really hard, emotionally speaking.

I think they get a fitting punishment already- loosing their spouse's love and trust.


If adultery takes place it seems likely that love and trust has already departed.

why so? Sometimes people have affairs because they are 'greedy' rather than because there is anything wrong. I think your comment is a bit on the 'anti victim bias' side of things.

Years ago the bf I was living with had a 3 day affair with a 16 year old and I was completely shocked. I was very upset at the time and took an over dose and felt awful. However over all, he lost out as he lost me and his beautiful daughter where as I didnt loose anything as I was 'well rid' of him.


I was married for a bit under fifty years until my wife died this last February. There were necessities in caring for a sick son and keeping a household going and maintaining the structure of a family. We went through very difficult times and pressures at times could be immense. My wife had short affairs but she never neglected her responsibilities and I learned to live with it. We never lost our respect for each other and deep feeling for each other all the time. It takes maturity and understanding.



lotusblossom
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23 Nov 2010, 5:00 am

Sand wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
Sand wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
I think that adultery should be illegal. I don't think it should carry the death penalty or anything close to it (like some countries) but I find that it is really irresponsible of a spouse to be doing something like that. I mean, whats the point of saying your vows and getting married if you're just going to give in to your urges and have sex/affair with anyone whenever you want? It also shows a sign of total mistrust and can potentially hurt the other spouse really hard, emotionally speaking.

I think they get a fitting punishment already- loosing their spouse's love and trust.


If adultery takes place it seems likely that love and trust has already departed.

why so? Sometimes people have affairs because they are 'greedy' rather than because there is anything wrong. I think your comment is a bit on the 'anti victim bias' side of things.

Years ago the bf I was living with had a 3 day affair with a 16 year old and I was completely shocked. I was very upset at the time and took an over dose and felt awful. However over all, he lost out as he lost me and his beautiful daughter where as I didnt loose anything as I was 'well rid' of him.


I was married for a bit under fifty years until my wife died this last February. There were necessities in caring for a sick son and keeping a household going and maintaining the structure of a family. We went through very difficult times and pressures at times could be immense. My wife had short affairs but she never neglected her responsibilities and I learned to live with it. We never lost our respect for each other and deep feeling for each other all the time. It takes maturity and understanding.

but in your case you didnt want her punnished for it, and it seems like she didnt loose your love and trust (where as you said previously that had to have departed for an affair to occur). I think your circumstance is a different kind to the sort I was thinking of where punnishment is desired ( you experience being more similar to open marriage perhaps) though it is good evidence against the OP for illigalising adultary.



Sand
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23 Nov 2010, 5:06 am

lotusblossom wrote:
Sand wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
Sand wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
I think that adultery should be illegal. I don't think it should carry the death penalty or anything close to it (like some countries) but I find that it is really irresponsible of a spouse to be doing something like that. I mean, whats the point of saying your vows and getting married if you're just going to give in to your urges and have sex/affair with anyone whenever you want? It also shows a sign of total mistrust and can potentially hurt the other spouse really hard, emotionally speaking.

I think they get a fitting punishment already- loosing their spouse's love and trust.


If adultery takes place it seems likely that love and trust has already departed.

why so? Sometimes people have affairs because they are 'greedy' rather than because there is anything wrong. I think your comment is a bit on the 'anti victim bias' side of things.

Years ago the bf I was living with had a 3 day affair with a 16 year old and I was completely shocked. I was very upset at the time and took an over dose and felt awful. However over all, he lost out as he lost me and his beautiful daughter where as I didnt loose anything as I was 'well rid' of him.


I was married for a bit under fifty years until my wife died this last February. There were necessities in caring for a sick son and keeping a household going and maintaining the structure of a family. We went through very difficult times and pressures at times could be immense. My wife had short affairs but she never neglected her responsibilities and I learned to live with it. We never lost our respect for each other and deep feeling for each other all the time. It takes maturity and understanding.

but in your case you didnt want her punnished for it, and it seems like she didnt loose your love and trust (where as you said previously that had to have departed for an affair to occur). I think your circumstance is a different kind to the sort I was thinking of where punnishment is desired ( you experience being more similar to open marriage perhaps) though it is good evidence against the OP for illigalising adultary.


I was just suggesting people should grow up and accept each other for what they are. There are too many real problems that need attention.



Libelula85
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23 Nov 2010, 5:10 am

If my girlfriend sleep with other men, I would forgive

Why would I break the relationship?



ruveyn
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23 Nov 2010, 6:02 am

Adultery might be a basis for terminating a marriage which is a contract. Adultery under the usual marriage contract is a breach of contract. But it certainly is not a criminal act or even a misdemeanor.

ruveyn



Craig28
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23 Nov 2010, 6:32 am

There definately something wrong with not butting into a marriage, to uphold another man's honour by not interfering with his wife by downgrading your own just smacks of legal tangle to me.



Tensho
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23 Nov 2010, 8:00 am

I think adultery should be illegal. If you arent happy get a divorce first.



Sand
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23 Nov 2010, 8:06 am

Tensho wrote:
I think adultery should be illegal. If you arent happy get a divorce first.


If everybody can manage OK whatever the sexual behavior of the people concerned what the hell is it your business to stick your nose in?



jc6chan
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23 Nov 2010, 8:24 am

I've heard people say that a person should be free not to feel love to their spouse at any time and starting cheating on them. First of all, it is totally dishonest to cheat on your spouse and you are living a life of fraud/lie. Secondly, why do you have to resort to dishonesty? One should talk to their spouse about the problem and try to resolve it.

Another thing is that there are probably always going to be others that you find more attractive (whether it be physical or personality etc...) than your spouse and so are you gonna just leave your spouse and divorce everytime you find someone more attractive? Things would not work out that way since the structure of family would be all messed up.



lotusblossom
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23 Nov 2010, 9:30 am

jc6chan wrote:
I've heard people say that a person should be free not to feel love to their spouse at any time and starting cheating on them. First of all, it is totally dishonest to cheat on your spouse and you are living a life of fraud/lie. Secondly, why do you have to resort to dishonesty? One should talk to their spouse about the problem and try to resolve it.

Another thing is that there are probably always going to be others that you find more attractive (whether it be physical or personality etc...) than your spouse and so are you gonna just leave your spouse and divorce everytime you find someone more attractive? Things would not work out that way since the structure of family would be all messed up.

I dont think makeing it illigal would stop people though as people still do it in countries where its a stoning offence. However I think its right to make it clear to your spouse that loyalty is very important to you and to leave them if they have an affair.

You can only control how yourself behaves not how others behave, know also that you can handle how others treat you, and if they hurt you let go and move on.



Sand
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23 Nov 2010, 9:45 am

jc6chan wrote:
I've heard people say that a person should be free not to feel love to their spouse at any time and starting cheating on them. First of all, it is totally dishonest to cheat on your spouse and you are living a life of fraud/lie. Secondly, why do you have to resort to dishonesty? One should talk to their spouse about the problem and try to resolve it.

Another thing is that there are probably always going to be others that you find more attractive (whether it be physical or personality etc...) than your spouse and so are you gonna just leave your spouse and divorce everytime you find someone more attractive? Things would not work out that way since the structure of family would be all messed up.


To ease very difficult situations in many marriages there are many individual approaches. How they are handled is an extremely individual matter and to have the police or the government intervene is about the nastiest form of totalitarianism I have heard.



lotusblossom
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23 Nov 2010, 9:49 am

Sand wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
I've heard people say that a person should be free not to feel love to their spouse at any time and starting cheating on them. First of all, it is totally dishonest to cheat on your spouse and you are living a life of fraud/lie. Secondly, why do you have to resort to dishonesty? One should talk to their spouse about the problem and try to resolve it.

Another thing is that there are probably always going to be others that you find more attractive (whether it be physical or personality etc...) than your spouse and so are you gonna just leave your spouse and divorce everytime you find someone more attractive? Things would not work out that way since the structure of family would be all messed up.


To ease very difficult situations in many marriages there are many individual approaches. How they are handled is an extremely individual matter and to have the police or the government intervene is about the nastiest form of totalitarianism I have heard.

yes Jc6chan, this thread should show you how differing peoples opinions and feelings are. Which shows that it would be impossible to legislate anything which would make people happy, perhaps its better to let the individuals sort it out themselves.



jc6chan
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23 Nov 2010, 11:11 am

Sand wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
I've heard people say that a person should be free not to feel love to their spouse at any time and starting cheating on them. First of all, it is totally dishonest to cheat on your spouse and you are living a life of fraud/lie. Secondly, why do you have to resort to dishonesty? One should talk to their spouse about the problem and try to resolve it.

Another thing is that there are probably always going to be others that you find more attractive (whether it be physical or personality etc...) than your spouse and so are you gonna just leave your spouse and divorce everytime you find someone more attractive? Things would not work out that way since the structure of family would be all messed up.


To ease very difficult situations in many marriages there are many individual approaches. How they are handled is an extremely individual matter and to have the police or the government intervene is about the nastiest form of totalitarianism I have heard.

OK, but what we are talking about here is a married couple where a spouse has sex with an outsider. I understand that marriage issues can get complex but I feel that there needs to be some ground rules here and we need to draw a line somewhere. I guess Western countries tend to have a more "liberal" view on sex/marriage, however, I personally take the view that sex and marriage shouldn't be taken lightly. I wouldn't agree with what Muslim countries are doing with all the stoning and cruelty, but I heard that East Asian countries have more conservative approaches (compared to Western countries) to these matters and I think I would agree most to those views.

Like its not as serious as rape but still, I feel that the institution of marriage shall have at least a little regulation.



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23 Nov 2010, 11:18 am

jc6chan wrote:
Sand wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
I've heard people say that a person should be free not to feel love to their spouse at any time and starting cheating on them. First of all, it is totally dishonest to cheat on your spouse and you are living a life of fraud/lie. Secondly, why do you have to resort to dishonesty? One should talk to their spouse about the problem and try to resolve it.

Another thing is that there are probably always going to be others that you find more attractive (whether it be physical or personality etc...) than your spouse and so are you gonna just leave your spouse and divorce everytime you find someone more attractive? Things would not work out that way since the structure of family would be all messed up.


To ease very difficult situations in many marriages there are many individual approaches. How they are handled is an extremely individual matter and to have the police or the government intervene is about the nastiest form of totalitarianism I have heard.

OK, but what we are talking about here is a married couple where a spouse has sex with an outsider. I understand that marriage issues can get complex but I feel that there needs to be some ground rules here and we need to draw a line somewhere. I guess Western countries tend to have a more "liberal" view on sex/marriage, however, I personally take the view that sex and marriage shouldn't be taken lightly. I wouldn't agree with what Muslim countries are doing with all the stoning and cruelty, but I heard that East Asian countries have more conservative approaches (compared to Western countries) to these matters and I think I would agree most to those views.

Like its not as serious as rape but still, I feel that the institution of marriage shall have at least a little regulation.


The institution of marriage does have regulation in western countries. What it does not have is a law criminalizing adultry. Nor does it need one. It is none of the government's business if a married person commits adultry. It is the business of the person they are married to and no one else. Some deal with it by divorcing. Some deal with it by counseling. And so on. You have not made a case for why the government should criminalize it.