Why do movies based on the Bible usually suck?

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androbot2084
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05 Jan 2012, 6:26 pm

The biggest objection is the fundamentalists do not like their stories tampered with.



snapcap
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05 Jan 2012, 6:28 pm

puddingmouse wrote:

Maybe I'm just easily amused. Or easily drunk. :lol:

Bad kung fu films and beer never fail me.


I'm not easily amused nor easily drunk. It has got to have something to it that makes it stand out. "The story of Ricky" is an example.


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05 Jan 2012, 6:30 pm

snapcap wrote:
Why do most Kung Fu movies suck?

You mean ... there is more than one kung-fu movie?

8O

I wondered why the actors' faces kept changing.

Kung-fu movie plot:

1. We were oppressed by sneering, arrogant meanies.
2. A stranger appeared.
3. The oppressors attacked someone the stranger loved.
5. The stranger kicked the snot out of the oppressors.
6. We rejoiced.
7. The stranger left town.

:roll:



pete1061
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05 Jan 2012, 6:37 pm

"Why do movies based on the bible usually suck?"

Because the bible sucks. It really does, it's a very poorly written book, almost completely unreadable.


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snapcap
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05 Jan 2012, 6:40 pm

Is there a difference in quality between movies based on the Torah and the Bible?


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androbot2084
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05 Jan 2012, 6:41 pm

Even if you think the bible sucks a lot of film makers draw their inspiration from bible stories.



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05 Jan 2012, 6:49 pm

androbot2084 wrote:
Even if you think the bible sucks a lot of film makers draw their inspiration from bible stories.


"The Singularity is Near" is a movie that could be seen as a way to receive salvation.


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androbot2084
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05 Jan 2012, 6:54 pm

Even in the bible there is a story about a man synthetically built from artificial chemicals. but we think he is natural because a lot of carbon was used.



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05 Jan 2012, 7:12 pm

androbot2084 wrote:
Even in the bible there is a story about a man synthetically built from artificial chemicals. but we think he is natural because a lot of carbon was used.


That's an interesting way of looking at it...and partly the inspiration for Frankenstein.


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05 Jan 2012, 7:12 pm

I love The Ten Commandments.

Someone else said they wrote a novel based on the book of Esther. I'd really like to see the Bible in novel form. Stick to the original story, the characters personalities, morals and actions are the same as they are in the Bible, but flesh them out. Do one per book of the Bible.

Psalms and Proverbs wouldn't be possible I don't think. Apocolypse would be very iffy.

But, I'd really like to read those. Give it a readable story and some excitement. Don't add crazy stuff to it, like ninjas or anything, but do like the Ten Commandments did.

I'd really, REALLY like to read those.


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05 Jan 2012, 7:13 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
I love The Ten Commandments.

Someone else said they wrote a novel based on the book of Esther. I'd really like to see the Bible in novel form. Stick to the original story, the characters personalities, morals and actions are the same as they are in the Bible, but flesh them out. Do one per book of the Bible.

Psalms and Proverbs wouldn't be possible I don't think. Apocolypse would be very iffy.

But, I'd really like to read those. Give it a readable story and some excitement. Don't add crazy stuff to it, like ninjas or anything, but do like the Ten Commandments did.

I'd really, REALLY like to read those.


No ninjas?

I'd be like, ninjas or GTFO. :P


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05 Jan 2012, 7:35 pm

kxmode wrote:
Image

Is this for real?


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Tadzio
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05 Jan 2012, 7:57 pm

"Why do movies based on the bible usually suck?"

Movies that portray what's prohibited based on the Bible always make more money.

Tadzio



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05 Jan 2012, 8:11 pm

androbot2084 wrote:
Even if you think the bible sucks a lot of film makers draw their inspiration from bible stories.

Do you think that George Lucas owes Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John any royalties for the Star Wars franchise?

Personally, I doubt it.



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05 Jan 2012, 8:45 pm

pete1061 wrote:
"Why do movies based on the bible usually suck?"

Because the bible sucks. It really does, it's a very poorly written book, almost completely unreadable.


I like the Bible. The Book of Esther could have been the basis for a really good movie.

The title of the movie was One Night with the King. The title was very misleading: there wasn't even anything in the movie to suggest that Xerxes and Esther had ever engaged in coitus. They also skipped the part about the Jews killing tons of people. It was more like a cheap Harlequin romance (I've never read one, but I imagine that the dialogue is just as cheezy and the love-making scenes rather non-existent) than either a faithful or an artistic interpretation of the Book of Esther. Bland, bland, bland.



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05 Jan 2012, 9:11 pm

Even Arthur C Clarke admitted that one scene in 2001 reminded him of Cain and Abel.