^^
True, as I know in my personal life for sure, that this kind of self-defeatist ideology, can surely be a self-fulfilling prophecy, if left unchecked.
The Army has it right, be all you can be, and f**, FUN, the haters, naysayers, and folks who tell one all about big limitations, and small expectations, or expectations one cares not to achieve.
The kids in middle school, in so many words told me I literally did not deserve to exist, for weirdness, and appearance, and I said F** you, I go my own way, you do not own my will.
At work they told me I am too hyper-excitable and will never amount to anything, and I said F** you, I go my own say; you do not own my will.
The boys told me at the city park and at school that only gay guys smile so much like that and are so happy, and I said F** you, get happy yourself, it's fun to be happy, dam it. Well, actually in that scenario as the relatively fragile child I was, I kept it in, under my breath, as yes, I was very logical, and saw that I might not survive with overt confrontational behavior, as these were really big guys. But, never the less, I kept smiling, and overall stayed happy, particularly when school was not in session, and the bullies of life were not around.
And then the boys and girls said, you are too strange, Fred, and too much of a nerd, you won't likely ever find a girl friend or get married, as you just don't know how to regulate emotion. So I turned the other cheek and eventually married one of the most beautiful and kind girls in my area. Yes, it took awhile with me at 29 and her at 19, but the key is, I never gave up, or believed the naysayers/haters in life.
And then in the latter part of my career when downsizing and reductions in civil service occurred, the personal department said it looks Grim Fred, there's no way you are going to be able to stay, in the job you love, if you have a job at all.
So I worked even harder and harder, and eventually the Captain of my base made a deal with the Captain of another base, as they determined I was a commodity they could not afford to lose.
And then finally I broke down, total Autistic Burnout, also known as total Human exhaustion, with 19 documented medical disorders, including the worst pain known to mankind, type two Trigeminal Neuralgia, Sjorgren's syndrome (my eyes quit making tears), and Dysautonomia, where my blood pressure and heart rate no longer, would work in sync, and when I raised my arms, I would almost pass out.
The doctor gave me zero percent chance for recovery; So, I said F** you, not over my breath, as the only way I was going to survive then, even with the substantial money I had saved over the long term, was the legal and medical assessment of permanent disability.
Oh, and then there was a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome, changed to Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, when the psychiatrist found out I had a language delay until age 4.
The Autism thingy was the least of my concern. I had adapted to that long before, well enough to get by, but never the less, it did play a role in my eventual breakdown of humanity
So after five long years, starting here on this website, after two years of not being able to use my eyes or ears, due to the Trigeminal Neuralgia, that made effective use of them impossible, I developed enough grit to withstand the pain of a computer screen turned all the way down, to start writing here, one excruciating word at a time, in something I never thought I would do, as I hated writing, and was a visual thinking person.
But I did not give up, even after losing all my emotions, including fear, from the pain of Trigeminal Neuralgia that makes a Migraine, a walk in the park, in comparison.
So yes, after five long years of being almost a complete shut-in my bedroom, I moved from INTJ Personality to ENFP, in a matter of months, a year ago Summer; and from 195 on the Aspie Quiz, to 92; from 44 to 45 on the AQ screening test to 11, and from the mid fifties on the Emotional Intelligence Quotient test to 95.
And all the medical maladies, almost miraculously disappeared in my life, including ALL THE PAIN IN my body, which also included Spinal Stenosis, a congenitally fused vertebrae in my neck, and severe degenerative arthritis in my spine.
The professionals who treated me call it a miracle, yes; even a religious miracle, but I chalk it up to the real human potential of epigenetics and neuroplasticity. I presented an extreme challenge to my genetic potential and my genetics responded in kind to an extreme epigenetic change in mind and body finally balanced.
Part of it was poetry and music, as it helped to connect back my emotions with language. Part of it was working on emotional intelligence through the art of dance, and now martial arts. Science now shows that emotions do reside in the body, physiologically speaking, in various body parts, and when they are repressed somatic pain and even autoimmune issues do occur, in part, with this causal factor.
And while I keep having to clarify on this site, that I am trying to help to inspire people and not self-aggrandize when I talk about my road back to health, and what I have achieved, I am sick and tired of hearing that.
So instead I'll provide a link, to ALL OF WHAT I am now, as per the comment above.
I survive now, no matter what anyone told me I could not do in life, for anyone who wishes to see it.
No offense, but I no longer call my self Autistic; I call myself Artistic, truly the way I was born to be, until culture got a hold of me, with truly the eventual challenge of 'JOB'.
http://katiemiafrederick.com/2014/10/09 ... -artistic/
Human will, and the power of unconditional fearless love, is the greatest power humans have on this earth. Not to use that, sadly, is to lose it. And my life is proof, of what can be for folks, who do not let the challenges of life become a self-defeatist ideology, and a self-fulfilling prophecy for failure in life; and yes chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. We are the navigators of our life. No one is going to fix our problems, but us, in the long run.
Yes this is true, in my opinion, too.
10 Oct 2014, 5:02 am
