What worked for me - read the bible cover to cover, find all of the Middleeastern pagan philosophy in it, and understand - personally not by someone telling you - that punishments and prohibitions against leaving where what most organizations did who had to fight for their survival against other organizations. Also see all of the 'synchretism' and where hair-pin turns of hypocracy happen (for example our magic good - your magic baneful or evil). If you can then try looking up someone whose a trustworthy expert on Darwinian game theory and religion and see what they have to say about the Abrahamic religions.
At first we were here to dominate and control each other for the sake of raising armies against other groups, now we're more here to do it to flatten other people's genes and elevate our own. We're in an era now where almost everything seems like it's a trap.
Also - if you want to streamline your current beliefs - check the historic lineage of the various mystery schools of antiquity and Neoplatonism, Gnosticism, and Hermeticism and then the Renaissance revival of such things through books like Manly P Hall's Secret Teachings of All Ages or Lectures on Ancient Philosophy (he effectively did a 'living history' type of thing with these movements although I'm really doubtful of anything he said about things like Atlantis and Lemuria). You'll at least get to see where they come from, what they're rooted in, and in particular you might find the more esoteric alchemical doctrines (like the Masonic 'Great Work') to be useful maps of what that is and where it's going - ie. effectively mystical humanism which was a forerunner to secular humanism.
_________________
The loneliest part of life: it's not just that no one is on your cloud, few can even see your cloud.