Women Don't Belong in the Cockpit!

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Women Don't Belong in the Cockpit!

Ed Anger

I'm madder than Charles Lindbergh with a busted propeller over the biggest cover-up in American aviation today--the danger of women pilots!

Let's face it. A gal has about as much business flying an airplane as Zippy the chimp.

But those yappy women's libbers screamed so loud for females to get men's jobs that every broad who isn't afraid of heights and doesn't wear Coke-bottle glasses has a chance to captain a Boeing 747 these days!

Hey, that's great as long as nobody else has to ride along with them. But letting a woman pilot a plane with paying customers on board is criminal.

What if a mouse runs into the cockpit? Who's going to fly the plane when the lady pilot screams and jumps into her copilot's lap, for crying out loud?

And what about premenstrual syndrome (PMS)?

Who's gonna pry her hands off the stick when she gets in a bitchy mood and puts the plane into an intentional nosedive?

And if she's been spayed or going through menopause, how would you like to fly from New York to L.A. with a pilot who's having hot flashes every 10 seconds?

But what really scares the bejesus out of me is the way women pilots almost always distract male members of the crew.

Let's face it. A male copilot just ain't gonna keep an eye on the instrument panel with a nice set of 38 double-Ds bouncing around two feet to his left. And, of course, it's going to be worse during air turbulence, when he should be paying the most attention to his job.

But, hey, I'm more liberal than I used to be. I think women should be allowed to make their living in the air--but as stewardesses, for Pete's sake.

That way they get to satisfy their natural instinct to serve meals, fluff pillows, and show people how to put on life jackets.

I'll tell you, yours truly is never going to get on another plane with a captian named Bambi, Chastity, or Sissy. I want an ex-Marine fighter pilot with big, hairy arms at the controls, folks.

And I'm not alone. The latest Carnegie-Atex poll found that nearly 94 percent of Americans are "concerned" about flying with a female pilot.

You haven't said much about it, of course, because it's not politically correct to talk about things like that.

But hey, even Amelia Earhart, the greatest lady pilot of them all, couldn't island-hop the Pacific without crashing somewhere out there. The truth is, how do you expect a woman to fly a plane when they can't even drive a dad-blamed car?

All of you know I've never been afraid to tell it like it is.

If God had meant for women to fly airplanes, it would have been the Wright Sisters taking off at Kitty Hawk in 1903.

Why fly and die, my fellow Americans? Nest time, politely DEMAND that your travel agent or the airline ticket office put you on a plane with a man at the controls.

By Ed Anger, from the 2002 Edition of The Language of Argument, originally appearing in Weekly World News, February 17, 1999.



This guy makes perfect sense to me. Discuss.