Creep Shaming?

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Ok, you think it's 'fluffy,' and that's fine - but you don't get to monopolize words any more than I do, and I know exactly what I mean, and what most women mean, when they say that a man is 'creepy.'
We've been trying to get you to understand it, but maybe it's just beyond the comprehension of most men.

Autism disorders are NOT the same as psychopathy. Autistics do not lack empathy or conscience; they lack the ability to interpret body language.
Unfortunately, a lot of autistic males seem to accept that 'the way that it is' that they see on tv or pick up from culture, with women inherntly different from men (and less valuable/less human), and inherently existing to provide pleasure and support to men, without question or reflection.

PSA:
http://manboobz.com/2011/04/08/dating-a ... -any-more/

lol, You don't even know what ASPD is. It stands for "antisocial personality disorder" or "sociopath" for short.

It's not the same thing as AS or ASD.

I don't think anyone here is saying you should have to hang around anyone you don't want to.

What I (and, I think, others) are suggesting is not that anyone needs any particular reason to avoid someone who makes them uncomfortable, but that maybe they should have a particular reason before publicly applying a label that often comes with actual real-world consequences for the person to whom it has been applied.

Last edited by mds_02 on 02 Feb 2013, 8:49 pm, edited 3 times in total.

yes, you did. but that's not what I asked. just because those other words can be used in place of creepy does not mean that creepy has a new definition.

He was actually talking about sociopaths, not people on the autistic spectrum. ASPD stands for Anti-Social Personality Disorder, which is just psychiatric term for sociopath. It is not the same thing as ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder). Autism is not an excuse for the behaviors he was describing.

If I think a guy is a "creep" then absolutely nothing happens to the "creep" in question besides my thinking he's a "creep."

There are no government hit squads that go around arresting any man that any woman deems a "creep."

"Creepy" men are not charged higher taxes.

"Creepy" men are not rounded-up and put into concentration camps.

I fail to see what these "real world" consequences are for being labeled a "creep" beyond some hurt feelings and a bruised ego, all of which are equally applicable to anyone who has ever been insulted at any point in their lives.

The word creep is to shame men in same way as many words are to shame women

The consequence is reputational and intended to lower your social attractiveness in the same manner for both sex's

Last edited by answeraspergers on 03 Feb 2013, 2:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Begging your pardon, but that's just not true. I've dealt with the consequences myself. Which have included getting fired from the best job I've ever had, among other problems.

I've avoided bringing it up in this thread because there's a member participating who has a habit, when people admit the issue at hand has affected them personally, of accusing them of letting their personal issues get in the way of reason.

Just for the record, for those who keep insisting that every dude who gets that label must have earned it, the thing I did to creep someone out was giving people (by her standards) too much space. I'm aware of my social shortcomings and, to compensate, I tend to be pretty quiet. Only speaking when spoken to, that sort of thing. At work or school at least, where you can't just avoid the people who think you're weird. Out in the rest of the world, I'm more outgoing.

Women on this board get upset when men act as though they have a better understanding of what women have to put up with. I'm not upset, but please don't act as though you know better than I do the kind of stuff men who've been labelled that way have to endure.

Sometimes the label really does apply. Sometimes it really is useful. Which is why I'm not in here saying that people should never use it.

But sometimes it is used spuriously. A woman in here used the example of a strange guy who is remniscent of an abusive boyfriend as someone who could be described as creepy.

I'm not trying to tell anyone how they should feel about any given person. I'm not trying to say that anyone should not avoid someone who makes them uncomfortable, for any reason. I am trying to say that people should be sure, before saying negative crap about someone to other people, that it is based on stuff the person actually did wrong. Because most will take their word at face value and treat the supposed creep (or whatever other insulting term was used to describe them) accordingly.

If a person is traumatized by it and is afraid of being called a creep again he might develop social anxiety as a result. He can try to be less creepy but if he was already doing something without realizing it he could be afraid of having another accident.

I've never been called a creep before and I'm not sure how traumatizing it would be to be called one but I do know first hand that words can be traumatic. I seriously considered giving up an activity I really loved and enjoyed just because I made a mistake and was called a cheater at a tournament.

I was in the wrong even though I meant no harm. I made a mistake because I'm clumsy and disorganized but that mistake still meant I was in violation of a rule. I meant no harm but I inadvertantly cause harm because I am incompetent and I was willing to accept the penalty.

The problem was that the psychopathic judge came over and assumed I was some cheating scum bag who would resist and he treated me as such. He could've just told me that the prescribed penalty was a game loss and I would've accepted it responsibly without a fight but instead he screamed at me so loudly it could've been considered assault. I nearly broke down and cried on the spot and I also felt powerless because I try to avoid doing things like that but if a mistake could happen once how could I guarantee it wouldn't happen again? I couldn't.

If I mess up I take responsibility for the damage I do in any situation. The real problem is when people assume I'm just a piece of dirt and scum and they use excessive force to degrade me and force me to take responsibility when I'd do that anyway.


I'm not sure if this is a good comparrison to being called a creep. I think this was worse because the psychopathic judge screamed with the most soul shattering volume and intimidation. It made me afraid to go back there but I didn't want to have to give up my hobby that I loved. It sucked. I felt incompetent and didn't even know if I could avoid making a similar mistake again because I was so clumsy. I felt like I was watching on eggshells when I eventually did go back. I was scared. I didn't want to get yelled at again. I didn't want to face the judge's wrath and I felt like I couldn't even ensure that I wouldn't make a mistake again because I was such a clumsy screw-up.


I'm not sure too many people could call another person a creep with the same earth quake inducing voice that this judge did so I think being labeled a creep wouldn't be as bad but I'm sure someone could be traumatized.

I would hate for someone to never go out again and avoid people because he is so afraid of being called a creep again. I'd hate someone to be so afraid that he can't go to public places anymore. I'd hate to here that someone avoids people and isolates himself out of fear of offending others.

That's the damage that scares me. I don't want to do that to someone anymore than I want to have it done to me. Do you want to make someone else feel like a hideous moster? Do you want someone to do that to you?

I don't think so.


I agree with the article on captain awkward that Jono posted. It may be hard to use your words and I know I've stayed silent during the few times someoen was intentionally making me feel uncomfortable but it's the best thing you can do. For me I wouldn't even call somebody a creep I'd probably be silent and uncomfortable. I'd probably go to another venue beause I'm so passive.

Still, if it is possible to calmly tell a person you're uncomfortable it's less damaging to the genuinely timid and socially awkward person and it also removes the doubt that someone really is an insensitive jackass if he continues. A person who doesn't mean any harm will stop if you ask him. A person who really targeting you won't stop and then there'll be no doubt. You avoid hurting innocent ones who make mistakes and are willing to remedy them responsibly while revealing those who really are out to dominate others. There is no doubt anymore.

If he doesn't stop he deserves to be ostracized. He deserves to be taken to court and punished because not only is he causing harm he is not doing anything to avoid it.

Agreed.

There definitely are times when the word is very apposite and well-deserved. There are probably times as well when women don't use that word when they have good reason to as someone genuinely is being rather creepy and sleazy. That said, if someone makes you feel creepy, it's really a good idea to at least give a basic explanation for why you feel like you do. Otherwise it could lead to rumours spreading and people getting needless crap off other people.

mds_02, if you were actually told you were fired for being creepy, you have a pretty strong case for wrongful dismissal. there would be many kawyers that would take on such a strong case. how were you made aware of that?

His word against theirs? He's not exactly going to have a transcript.

You're gonna hate what I have to say then, because I do this exact thing. I basically go to work, shop, and go home every day now. That's it. The only public places I'll go to now are the store I work at, a gas station, and a video game store that my friend owns. I figure, what's the point, if at every turn whenever I go somewhere, I'll face getting grimaced or scowled at. Or something like what happened last year where what little of a mediocre reputation I had was repeatedly stomped into the ground.

EDIT: Gave credit to the wrong person for this quote.

Last edited by DialAForAwesome on 03 Feb 2013, 3:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I never said the comment that you quote. seaturtleisland said that.